Mazel- I want to give a shoutout to the over 80 top Republicans who signed a brief telling the Supreme Court that gay marriage is a Constitutional right. That’s amazing, republicans! My official Mazel, however, goes to Lisa Vanderpump! She’s the first Housewife ever to be a contestant on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ and they always said they wouldn’t have a Housewife on. If you’re wondering whether or not Lisa can dance, let’s not forget her Chippendales dance. I don’t know if that’s going to win the show, frankly.
Jackhole- It’s a doozy. Rumors have surfaced that Suri Cruise has a body double. An alleged Suri look-a-like wearing identical clothes who leads the paparazzi and potential kidnappers astray. Now I’m kinda for this because when you don’t want to put the world’s most valuable child in danger, you just use some other off-brand kid. If it’s true and the double is a child, and not an extremely tiny jagged 30 year old actress, the Jackhole goes to Fake Suri’s parents. What are you doing to that kid? But I am kinda for it, I’m confused!