PREMIERE: Jan 17, 2013, 11:15 PM
Padma Lakshmi & Maggie Q
  • Mazel- Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj for getting 3.5 solid months of publicity over their “feud.” Well ‘American Idol’ premiered tonight and the “feud,” it was nothing but the most gentle of bickers. Maybe my eyes have just become immune to a lady fight that doesn’t culminate in a table flip, but Mariah Nicki, ya’ll are kinda pussy cats to me. 
  • Jackhole- It’s confusing. I don’t know anything about sports but people are going crazy about the Notre Dame linebacker scandal. Everybody was crying over stories about how Manti Te'o’s amazing girlfriend almost died in a car accident only to then die of leukemia. Well it turns out the girl never existed and Manti was catfished or maybe he was in on the whole thing like that sociopath Jan Brady and George Glass. Either way, the real winner is Lance Armstrong because nobody’s talking him as long as Manti’s got everybody’s manties in a bunch. So I think they’re both Jackholes.