9 Indisputable Facts About Every Single Person Who Has a Beagle

9 Indisputable Facts About Every Single Person Who Has a Beagle

What’s that? You disagree? Sorry, but you are wrong.

By Stacy Lenz

Hi beagle owners! Hi Andy Cohen! Nice to see you. We’re about to reveal some hard-hitting truths about your life as a beagle parent. No, not the obvious facts—like, you’ve had to lock up your garbage, your snacks have mysteriously disappeared from the kitchen counter, etc. We’re talking about the deeper, more ingrained facts that perhaps you, yourself, haven't acknowledged!

Are you ready to embrace your truth?

1. You keep a diary.

You feel feelings even more than your dog feels the constant, driving urge for food—and you just need to write that shiz down.

2. You talk with your hands.

Sometimes words aren’t enough. Luckily, you have two all-important visual aids to gesture wildly with right at your sides.

3. Just between us, you love gossip.

Okay, you’re right, you don’t “love gossip.” That’s tacky! But you do love sharing information with friends, right? Like normally, you wouldn’t say this, but off the record…

4. You take extreme offense if someone says baseball is boring.

You have taken the phrase “Root, root, root for the home team” to heart and are an avid fan of America’s pastime.

5. You love a parade.

It all started when you were a li’l kid scrambling after candy chucked out of a fire truck, and now you just can’t quit that quaint slice of Americana.

6. You’ve been known to rock a sweatshirt.

Now we’re not saying that you’ve worn a sweatshirt with a beagle face on it (although that may have happened once or twice), but you do love a warm, comfy sweatshirt when the mood strikes.

7. You prefer dining outside.

“Do you have outdoor seating?” is a question you’ve asked more than once, and why wouldn’t you? Dining al fresco is not only charming, but it’s also a nice break from a specific set of intense, begging, canine eyes.

8. You throw a killer theme party.

Your host/hostess skills are next level! Maybe you own tiki torches and can make a fancy Mai Tai, or maybe you’ve just taken your book club snack spread to the nth degree (Pride and Prejudice period-appropriate apps, anyone?). Either way, people are amped to come to your place.

9. You love safety.

You are a rule follower when it comes to being safe! Wait an hour before swimming: check! Tell your drunk friends to drink lots of water: check! Seatbelts and doggy seatbelts: check! If being safe is wrong, you don’t wanna be right!

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