Follow These 4 Steps to Get What You Want (and Deserve!) at Work and in Love

Follow These 4 Steps to Get What You Want (and Deserve!) at Work and in Love

It's about more than just what you say.

By Jen Glantz

Getting what you deserve, whether it is at your 9 to 5 job or from the person you’re spending a lot of your quality time with, boils down to knowing what to say, how to say it, and most importantly, when to say it.

The art of negotiation is something that can make anyone’s nerves spike, especially when they are going after something they really want or care about. But being able to come to the table with your “needs” and having the other person respond in your favor, is something that takes practice and a set of learned skills.

Check out the tips these four experts have to share on how to negotiate when it comes to both your career and your relationship.

1. Channel Your Inner Donald Trump ... or Beyoncé

Before you do anything scary or out of your comfort zone, people will commonly tell you to channel the characteristics and personality traits of someone else you either admire or who does what you are about to do very well.

When it comes to negotiation, Heather Monahan, a women’s empowerment and business expert, says to channel your Inner Donald Trump.

“Since Donald Trump has taken office, I have watched how his high level of confidence and clarity in each of his steps whether justified or not, has gotten him to where he is today,” says Monahan. “Typically women do not move forward with brash confidence and an attitude of daring others to challenge them. If you don’t want to channel Donald, why not try channeling Beyoncé or someone that you admire for their strength, confidence and ability to stand in their power in any situation. If you approach a negotiation or conversation from this place, you will inevitably come out victorious.”

2. Be Willing to Walk Away

If you approach a negotiation situation out of pure desperation, you might find yourself walking deeper into a job offer or a relationship that you know you should be walking away from.

Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and the founder of the website Popular Man, advises that you should never be afraid to throw your hands up in the air and walk away.

“Whether in business or a relationship, a lack of options creates neediness and dependence,” says Bennett. “If the other person knows you have options (like other job offers, an ability to get into another relationship, etc.), you have a lot of leverage. On the other hand, if you can’t walk away and that fact is well known, you’re at a huge disadvantage.”

3. Play a Mini Mind Game

When it comes to negotiations, Isbael James, the founder of, has a trick that will help you get the other person desensitized to the offer that you want them to accept.

James calls it “anchoring”, which is the use of irrelevant information as a reference for evaluating or estimating some unknown value or information.

“An example of this would be:

'Hey babe, wanna go to Hawaii for a college friend's wedding?' 

'Hmmm not sure that will work.'

'Ah too bad, let's go upstate next weekend?'.

By using information of a wedding in Hawaii and getting a rejection for that, you can 'anchor' it to go get a small victory.”

James says this is extremely useful in sales.

“People say "Of course I won't charge you $8,000, I am going to quote you at $5,000." This is better received than just stating pricing is $5,000.”         

4. Practice Makes Perfect

When you’re approaching an upcoming negotiation, it’s a good idea to practice what you’ll say, how your body language will be, and even your answers to any potential questions that they might have for you.

Devon Smiley, founder of the Negotiation Expert, says every day practice is extra important because we can get really scared of speaking up and asking for what we deserve.

“I recommend to my clients that they look for small asks that they can use to build up their confidence,” says Smiley. “This might mean ordering your coffee customized, asking for directions, or asking for help with a task at the office or around the house. As your confidence grows, you're able to make larger asks — and that emotional edge on negotiation drops.”

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