Here's What To Do When Everyone Hates Your Other Half

Here's What To Do When Everyone Hates Your Other Half

It's uncomfortable when you're stuck in the middle of a hate sandwich.

By Marianne Garvey

He or she the apple of your eye, the love of your life. Only problem is, your family and friends despise your other half.

Dorinda Medley is facing the problem with her boyfriend, dry cleaner extraordinaire John Mahdessian, on the new season of Real Housewives of New York, and Rob Kardashian is getting some serious shade from his own family after he got engaged to Blac Chyna. They're not the only ones in love with a person no one can stomach.

So what options do you have besides not bringing your love around? 

New York based relationship expert Rachel Sussman knows how to handle the icky situation, and says it’s to be judged on a case by case basis.

Obviously this is an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved,” she says. “Be careful, because if you’re uncomfortable with who your son or daughter or sibling or friend is with, they could be in your life forever. What you say and do to them can stick around forever.”

In her practice, Rachel has seen once tight family members never speak again and friends fall apart. She once heard a story about two sister-in-laws getting in a fist fight at a family holiday dinner.

“I think that unless you feel the person is in imminent danger or is making the biggest mistake of your life you need to bite your tongue,” she says, advising to take the following steps.

1. Bring up concerns in a very loving way.

Say, "I just want to be sure you’re are aware of... (whatever the issue is.)"

2. If you act out you’re possibly causing harm.

Keep your emotions in check. Or try to, anyway. 

3. Make peace with the situation.

If you really don’t like the person and you don’t see that changing, ask yourself what’s really going on with you.

4. Find something you like about them.

Maybe they’re charitable, maybe they treat a niece or nephew really well, maybe they’re a hard worker. Most people have at least one good trait.

5. Limit your time together.

A lot comes down to personalities being like oil and water, so say we may have to limit our time together, and behave on the holidays. Try to have some self control for the greater good of the family. 

Rachel adds that in a big family, like the Kardashians, someone will likely end up marrying someone that doesn’t get along with a member of the family. She also says if there is good reason to not like the person, if they are physically or mentally abusive to your loved one, you can pull out of the relationship with no guilt.

“But if it’s because the person has a different family background, religion, ethnicity, you think they’re below you, you’re insulting the person,” she says.  

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