Why Humans Kiss and How Smooching Helps Us Pick a Mate

Why Humans Kiss and How Smooching Helps Us Pick a Mate

Kissing is so common, but do you ever think about why we do it?

By Delaina Dixon

Ever hear that old song It’s In His Kiss? It’s the perfect soundtrack for Diana’s tryst with a sexy French man three years ago. 

“We met while I was doing temp work in an office. He was a client, and was always staring at me when he came in,” says Diana, 32. She finally accepted a date, even though he was a little awkward. “He had just been divorced, so he was still remastering the single scene.”

The two went to a little club on the Upper East Side. 

“Conversation wasn’t flowing, and since I wasn’t really paying attention, my purse fell out of my lap, she says. They both reached down to pick it up, and before Diana knew it, “He had grabbed my face and was kissing me. It was one of the most explosive, erotic, body-shocking kisses I had ever felt. After that, I was just putty in his hands.”

Diana’s reaction could be biology doing its best to continue our human species. According to a study out of Oxford University, kissing can help us select a mate. Your saliva—which is often exchanged in a passionate kiss—has hormones that may make two people chemically determine if they are compatible.

Fran Greene, flirting dating and relationship coach and author of The Flirting Bible agrees. “It’s a test we don’t even know we’re putting someone through,” she shares, “nature’s way of discovering if we want to go forward with this person.”

Fran adds that it can turn just another date into something much more. “It’s that first way you make a mutual connection with someone when your lips, mouth and tongue become intertwined. And that can lead to making a tremendous connection with another person.”

Just like a great kiss can bring two people together, a bad kiss can turn a dreamy connection into a sobering disappointment. 

“I just can’t be with a guy who can’t kiss,” laments Sheila, a 34-year-old marketing manager from Trenton, N.J. “The guys who give you too much saliva or too much tongue, or even worse, have bad breath. Just no!”

Before you dump the guy of your dreams just because his lip lock isn’t perfect, Fran has a few suggestions to teach your guy how to do it better.

1. Visually Guide Him

“Whether it’s pulling away a little, or being more gentle, there are non-verbal ways you can communicate how you like to be kissed,” Fran says.

2. Tell Him Exactly What You Want

If you want your partner to get it right, tell him what you are looking for. “It may be a little awkward at first, but it will get better.” Make sure to give plenty of compliments when he does master your style.

3. Go Back To School

You can hire a kissing tutor like William Cane or watch online kissing tutorials on Howcast

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