A 26-year-old New York man is looking for advice on how to handle his pregnant wife’s nightmare—that he cheated on her with another woman.
“My wife and I have have been married for four years. I believe that we have a good relationship. We socialize with friends, go to parties, dinner, shows, and have an awesome sex life (at least twice or more during the week, with at least one marathon session during the weekend). I am an accountant for a major New York firm. My wife is from Russia and was a model there, and here as well. I speak Russian too but am half Chinese (father's side) and half French (mother's side). My wife and I recently learned that she is four months pregnant,” he writes.
“Friday last week my wife texted me at work (I leave for the office really early, like 6:00 a.m. but am home by 4:00 in the afternoon if I catch the right train) around 8 in the morning, telling me to call her right away. It was before any of my meetings so I did so immediately. She was hysterical and crying and saying she dreamed I cheated on her.”
The man says he feels “lucky as hell” to have landed someone as pretty and nice as his wife, and says the idea of cheating on her is ridiculous.
“Her hysterics that day seemed out of character,” he wrote. “I tried to explain to my wife that I have never, am not, and will not ever cheat on her, that I am committed to her only, and have eyes for her only, but she wouldn't hear it.”
He took the rest of the day off and went home, where his wife had locked herself in the bathroom, and was refusing to talk to him.
[She] wouldn't talk to me for hours,” he wrote. “She had her phone in there and I tried to call her or text her, but she ignored.”
He goes on.
“That night when she finally came out of the bathroom she explained that her dream of me cheating on her is a bad sign, and a signal that I plan to do something dishonest. I've tried over and over again to tell her she has nothing to worry about, but she's still really distraught. We were supposed to have dinner with friends Saturday night, but she was too out of sorts to attend.”
He asks readers what he should do, and gets positive responses blaming the vivid dream on her pregnancy.
“I saw the title and skimmed for the word pregnant,” wrote one commenter. “I’m not defending her behavior, but it's likely a very real fear of abandonment during a time she's very vulnerable.”
Another wrote, “I had horrible, vivid dreams and nightmares all throughout my pregnancy. On top of that I had an irrational fear of being abandoned and a need to feel protected. I would cry at my husband all the time. He was so understanding. OP just needs to ride this out. If it gets really bad, he should talk to her doctor.”
Another woman said, “I had vivid, awful dreams during my pregnancies too. I wept over an office supply commercial. Pregnancy hormones are a bitch. I never found myself particularly affected by hormonal swings prior to pregnancy, so it was a real shock. Being supportive of this is indeed important.”
Yet another said to support his wife, saying, “It's possible that this dream simply thoroughly scared her. It might have left an impression on her, and now she is suddenly aware of the possibility that her partner might cheat on her someday. She's panicking and outwardly showing this as an accusation, while deep down she's simply scared as hell. Support her, and make sure to show her how much you love her. You can't prove you'll never cheat; you can only show her how much you lack the desire to cheat.”
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