One 25 year old man who calls himself Transformerdad on Reddit is revealing that his wife is upset because she prefers him fat—and readers are furious over her demands.
After losing his father to a heart attack when he was 59, this dad of one decided to transform his life and get in shape.
“I got married to my wife six years ago when she got pregnant. Ideally, we would have dated for longer than nine months, but it is what it is, and we had our son soon after. Within the few years of our marriage, life was good. I got to learn a lot more about my wife and we got along really well, much more than when we were dating. Then my dad died of a heart attack…This was a reality check, and I remember I cared so much because I had my son, and if I wanted my son to have me around when he was 35, I was at least going to have to live to 71 without keeling over from a similar health issue,” he wrote. “I went and did a physical and blood work, found that I had high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I told the doctor my workout plan and diet, and set on my way….Within a year, I was down to my normal weight, and within two years I had a six pack, something I never had when I was younger. From that point, my doctor told me my health had exponentially improved, but I was thirsty for more. I wanted to look even more aesthetically pleasing, so I got a picture of the 300 cover photo and set about building my body for that Halloween.”
The married dad goes on to say that when he met his wife, she was super fit, but after giving birth, found it hard to lose the baby weight, and became depressed.
“I invited her with me to workout (I saved up money and built a separate two car garage behind the house to build a home gym), but she would say she was tired or ‘happy the way she was.’ I would go for jogs with my son in the stroller, and whenever she joined us, she would insist we walk. I asked her to try jogging, and she would snap back asking if I don't find her attractive. Of course, I love my wife. I love her as the mother of my child, I love her as the daughter-in-law she is when helping my mother, and most of all I love her as my wife and how she is forever my companion,” he wrote.
He describes how his wife pushed aside the chicken breast and broccoli he cooked, and bagged him to eat lasagna and fried chicken instead.
“I told her that I didn't want to go back to being overweight/obese…so I was careful with my food, and she got so upset,” he wrote. “She asked if I thought she was fat, and I calmly told my wife to go ask the doctor because I thought she looked good, but I was biased. After her appointment the next week, she came back home crying. She said her doctor said she was overweight and should consider a diet plan and working out.”
He goes on to write that nothing happened, and now that summer is here, and his wife thinks he is cheating with the women at the public pool he takes his son to.
“I sat my wife down and told here I would never cheat. I have a son that she provided me, and a wife that I loved and cared so much about. She wouldn't accept that answer though. She said that I must be attracted to those women because they can look good wearing bikinis while she is heavier than them (her words, not mine). Then she changed the focus to me. She said I was getting all this attention because I was now fit compared to before, and it would cause me to waiver in my fidelity now that other women were attracted to me,” he wrote. “My wife told me that she wants me back to my old self, when she didn't have to worry about other women and we could be comfortable together. She said she feels this undue pressure to become fit herself, and feels like its too stressful to maintain that lifestyle.”
Commenters have weighed in, with one calling his wife “unreasonable.”
“What she's doing is unreasonable and you've given her no reason to actually believe you're cheating. Being overweight is what it is, and you are so incredibly strong-willed and I, random internet stranger, am very proud of you for improving your lifestyle. Don't let your wife throw all of that away for you.”
Another understood his wife probably has body issues stemming from the baby weight.
“Let me start by saying that the accusations your wife laid against you were over the line, and your response was level-headed. My sympathies to you. That being said, your wife probably has body issues stemming from her pregnancy. Watching yourself get steadily rounder for nine months, then dealing with all of the excess flab and skin (and maybe incontinence) after childbirth, combined with the subsequent lack of sleep and constant looking-after for a newborn does a depressing number on your body especially if you were previously fit. If you were starting to make your health improvements around this time, then it probably made her feel worse about her state of fitness. I admire you for the ways you tried to get involved in your wife's fitness. Most likely your actions, rather than convincing her to step up her game, only made her feel worse; like picking at a scab for a wound which hasn't fully healed yet.”
Another suggested therapy.
“If you can't have the conversation between the two of you, consider getting a couple's counselor to discuss why she feels so threatened by your physical fitness. If it does end up pertaining to her own body image issues (which I think it is), see if you can find a body-image focused therapist for her.”
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