"Love Can Make You Crazy"
I should've listened to their advice. I should've trusted that my friends saw something in Matt that was enough to warrant a red flag.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda…right? Isn't hind-sight when it comes to your exes always 20/20? It certainly is…but apparently Matt and I never had a relationship.
Going into this dinner with him, I really wanted answers. That's ultimately the only reason I agreed to go in the first place. I wanted him to tell me why he disappeared. I wanted him to look me in the eyes and tell me that what we had was real. I wanted him to look me in the eyes and explain his side of the story. But I never could have been prepared for how he made me feel like this whole relationship was made up in my head.
[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/embed/select/RcvQoXfSoZa7]Sitting at this dinner was like sitting across from a person I had never met. Yes, there were moments in the evening that I caught glimpses of the man I used to know: The man who was my best friend for a long time, the man who I had spent hours and hours laughing and talking with, the man who I had put on a pedestal, and the man who I use to be in love with. But now, all I saw was someone who was fake…someone who I barely knew anymore, and who barely knew me. It was bizarre.
And strangely, in that moment when he said we had "nothing," yes, a part of me was saddened, but a part of me was relieved. I finally saw the part of Matt that I had been warned about…he finally showed me his true colors. And that's the only answer I needed in that moment. I could've yelled at him, called him a bastard, and asked him to explain his reasoning, but we would have just gone round and round in circles. It was done. He and I were done and I was emotionally drained, and all I could do was get up and walk away from him…forever.
But in a surprising twist, he came after me. The old Courtney would've turned around and listened to Matt, but the new Courtney… Well, I have too much self-respect now to let myself voluntarily get treated that way by someone who said he loved me. And you will have to wait another week to see how it eventually all went down…
[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/select/fj2HDgAuzgMx?form=html]In other news, I was so excited to add an intern, Shannon, to my growing brand! You will see much more of her in the next couple episodes and be able to see how our relationship evolves. She is definitely my right hand gal when it comes to work, and Shannon still works for me as my assistant to this day!
See y'all next week (I promise the Matt thing is almost over!) as me and my best friends take a road trip…and I almost get arrested! And don't forget, for all my looks from this episode (and more!), go to www.thecourtneykerr.com!