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Feeling Confident

Kerryn talks about her surprising elimination.

So I don’t remember what the brief said about the shoot only that we’re riding the subway again — after this I should have the system down.

We ended up at this cute bar and found out our theme was the '60s. Totally stoked. I always told my mom I wanted to trade places with her because growing up in that era had to be awesome! Then they told us we would have partners again, but twosomes this time and of all the girls (except Jordan who already picked) Colin picked me. Super cool cause we both carry a '60s/'70s vibe. Anyway, and then to top it off we are being photographed in black and white by Roxanne and being styled by Rebecca! Awesome start to the day.

By the time I’m finished with hair and makeup I feel like I’m in the '60s. My hair is so big — the guys who did my hair, Hector and Colin, rock! Yeah his name is Colin too.

But when the shoot started is when things went downhill. The position they started us out in wasn’t working and my makeup wasn’t photographing well. Back to makeup to make changes then they moved us to another position much like the first and we were having wardrobe problems. So when they asked us to stand all I could do to stay positive was dance around and try to have fun. Then my dress was making me look fat … back to wardrobe. It was hard going back and forth. Everyone staring asking if we’re done, wanting to know what was going wrong. Grrr.

So I get back out there and dance my butt off. Colin ends up jumping and Roxanne loves the energy. By now my makeup is changed, my hair pulled back, and the dress clipped.

Regardless of issues we had fun and felt like rockstars when we finished.

Needless to say I think everyone was exhausted when we got home.

Photo day everyone loved their pics. Salome won the shoot and took Mountaha and before they got back Cory showed up for measurements and then the funniest thing happened:  Salome and Mountaha came in giggling and shrieking with excitement only to stop dead in their tracks. When they see Cory he asks them what the excitement is about and they shrug and say they had fun, then he asks if they booked it and when he finds out they didn’t he asked why they were so excited. Kind of a slap in the face. I love Mountaha but Salome is getting on my last nerve,, always bitching about everybody else when they get excited and squeal. Yet she is the one reprimanded by Cory. Ha!

Anyway my measurements are fluctuating. Cory says that’s normal and to keep up the good work. Yea! He said the whole house did great and keep doing what we’re doing. Awesome!

So we celebrate Jordan’s birthday and then she goes to work … she booked a fit show at her last casting call. You go girl! 

So we made it to double elimination runway. A lot of people are nervous and we have no clue who’s going home. I feel pretty safe. I’m the only one whose had immunity twice and I have never been in the bottom.

Then they drop the bomb on us: our partner from the photo shoot will be walking off against us  8 Mile style and we each have our own personal stylist who will dress us in four minutes. Craziness!

Of course Cecilia wants to do my hair first. If the hair works on me it will work on everyone else. Then comes the bad news: No smoke breaks; she’s afraid it will mess up my hair. Grr. So what to do I do?   cry over a damn cigarette. Why cry? Because my smoke breaks are the only release I have and they give me five minutes of freedom from the room.

So 15 minutes before we are about to start the wind has died down enough so that I get one smoke break — a miniature release from everything building up … time to do this!! I’m feeling fairly confident because I’m walking off against Colin. Don’t get me wrong — I love this kid and I’m proud he made it this far but I know I’ll beat him at a walk-off but I’m not worried about either one of us going home.

While we were up there I had an absolute blast I would do another House of Diehl project in a snap. My designer Chris was awesome and it was fun. The walk was a little weird, kinda off the cuff you could say, but I rocked it and had fun.

As far as elimination goes …

The minute Marlon talked about my picture I knew I was going home. Grr. So I started tearing up trying to prepare myself for the worst ….

Nicole jumped all over me for not smiling which pissed me off. If you are up there getting negative reviews, and pretty sure you’re about to be sent home, you don’t want to smile. In face, smiling is the last thing you are thinking about. I realize the judges are being nice enough but this means my journey on this competition is over. I wanted to win and I let myself down.

As I left I know I didn’t handle it well. I was a blubbering fool and I handle pain with sarcasm. I think I said something that wasn’t taken correctly.

When I hugged Jonathan goodbye I punched him lightly in the chest and said “I blame you, ya know, you picked Jordan as your partner.” And he went on to tell me it was a competition then I laughed and was like, “Dude, I’m kidding you picked the best and that was the smartest thing you could have done.” With all my tears and commotion I think that part was lost in translation. 

Jonathan, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it that way. My system was in complete shock/shutdown mode and sarcasm was the only thing holding my sanity together at that point I’m sorry you took it seriously.

And for all my fans out there I’m sorry I couldn’t leave stronger for you but my head was spinning off it’s axis and I heal through tears. Thank you so much for your support. You all rock!

All my love to everyone

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