Cutting Up On Lina

Cutting Up On Lina

Michael takes a stab at Lina and dishes on his favorite lines from the night.

Okay, let me get one thing out of the way. Nicky Hilton was married for a hot mess of a minute. The pages of tabloid history got ruffled in my head but I caught my mistake later that night while I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling (I do this often) way before we went to print. Okay, you haters???

But speaking of that scene I loved, loved it because it was as close to real as we could possibly be. Neither Maria nor I were dressed up; my house wasn’t ‘maid clean’ and we were kicking it, Chinese food, wine, chocolate and cigarettes. The candles were lit and we were doing what we do: hang out, laugh, talk and support each other.

You must know that Maria and I have been laughing all week at our fave line from that scene. It was when she said to me that the Nicky and Paris Hilton inheritance wasn’t huge and I was like, “uh, it’s enough,” and then Maria says, “not for me!” all while stuffing her mouth with spinach dip. Genius.

So if there is anything you aren’t feeling this week, just look at them and say, “Not For Me!”

For me, this week was all about those great one-liners and their scenes. Here are my faves.

"Katrina Needs To Take It.”

Doesn’t she, right? Aren’t you sick of seeing what she does all the time? Work, work, work? I get it. I totally get it girl -- you work. But she needs to find her inner whore, because we all have them!

Lately I am not in love with Katrina’s fashions. The boots; the bangles; the flannel shirts in Miami. But I have to say that the pencil skirt, Christian Louboutin shoes and Louis Vuitton bag when she was on the yacht…Now that was hot. As the queens would say when it comes to that outfit, YOU BETTER WORK GURLLLLLL. ( For more about sexy and smart style, check out my Daily Sheet at

“So I Went Down On You Longer?”

I mean can you believe George asked Sorah if Gonzalo was doing that better than he did? Here is the crazy thing or maybe it’s my sick mind but I swear I could see Sorah contemplating her answer. I could almost see running a visual of both George or Gonzalo ‘going down on her.’

Here is the problem -- Sorah never answered the question!

“George, I don’t know about that,” she replied. But then again actions speak louder than words and maybe when she left dinner and George midway that was the answer.

“This is not funny, A*shole.”

I love when Lina said this to me. First of all, let me tell you bitch what’s not funny - your white eyeliner. Secondly, your crazy behavior. I don’t like how she treats George. That night she joked about how she has moved in and out of George's about 180 times; then tells me ‘actually she and George will be seeing less of each other.” Even George said it was ‘news to him.’ So I went in and did what I thought was best, defended George by saying “I guess we will be seeing more of Jasmine.”

Maybe it wasn’t the best time or place to say something like that but I did apologize right away. To be honest, I was scared especially after she slammed the door and then we heard the sound of shattered glass, that being Lina breaking something. She’s a lunatic.

“Lina, the Russian Tailor”

One for Hardy last night! I loved when he gave Lina the new title. What’s not funny is she really isn’t a tailor, she’s a psycho. As I say, “an unhealthy mess.” I mean what a crazy. I have been annoyed with boyfriends and cursed a few out, but I would never get out scissors and knives and destroy their clothes. And the worst part is Lina doesn’t seem ashamed of her behavior, but then again psychos don’t even know they are being psycho.

“You can F*ck each other and have psychotic babies.”

Wasn’t that awesome of Maria? Defending me like that? I was actually shocked because I didn’t expect that gathering at the Gans to get that crazy! But you have to understand that Maria was really pissed and it takes a lot to get her angry. What she was really annoyed about was she saw George in bed with Jasmine (and as George points out 29 other people were joining in on the soiree or more so what sounds to me like an orgy.)

But anyway, the root of the problem was Maria saw what she saw and George told her that was a bunch of bullsh*t. Maria doesn’t take well to being called liar. Clearly.

But, call it what you want, I think Maria put a hex on them…which brings me to my next fave:

“I’m pregnant.”

Oh, Maria, They did f*ck each other and they are going to have psychotic babies. First, thank god for sub titles, because who the hell can understand Lina? I still don’t know what to think of her reaction, she seemed genuinely nervous. I don’t know what it is like to be pregnant, but I can imagine it’s a crazy feeling so I am not going to rip her on this one.

But don’t get fooled, I’m still driving the anti-Lina campaign.

A LINA # 3???? GOD HELP MIAMI SOCIAL !!! Anyone looking to adopt???

Now this brings me to my last quote of the night when Lina was having the Prego conversation with another Russian chick, which I’m thinking was her Madame boss from her secondary job…

“I’m not sure how George is going to react…”

Here is what I imagine George was thinking during the “Coming Up,” preview: Looking like a deer caught in headlights, his only thought must have been: “OH MY GOD I AM HAVING THE DEVIL'S CHILD."

Until Next Week!

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