If one of you said to me, “Amy, my ex (who hurt me) is coming back into town and wants to see me,” I would have said “absolutely not” and I would have made it my duty to save you from yourself. I would have set you up on blind dates for every night of the week your ex was here if I had to in order to keep you from sabotaging yourself or falling into destructive behavior!
So what the hell happened to me? I know. Guys, this is a little painful for me. I’m confused as to what just happened. The dinner with AB seemed to be happening in slow motion, and at any given moment I felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach multiple times while trying to keep a smile on my face. I’m wondering why I wasn’t more direct and to the point with him. And honestly, I’m pissed I even went. Never did I think that seeing AB now, after so much time has passed, would result in feeling like this. I was supposed to be over this! I was not supposed to be that same insecure person I was when I was with him a year and a half ago.
Or at least that’s what I told myself as an excuse to go see him. Watching it happen now, it’s tough. I would NEVER advise a client to do that. There are no "special situations," no exceptions to any of my rules. Ever. Myself included. For this exact reason!
It’s disappointing, but I want to be a bit nicer to myself, instead of beating myself up for it this time. Just as I would kick a client in the pants in this very same situation, I have to get real and figure out what happened and why. And just like I would a client, I have to pull myself out of the sulking and I have to refuse to give up on my recent intent of returning to dating after avoiding it for so long and using work as my excuse. I wouldn’t let you do that, after all, that’s for sure! I can’t let myself either.
Yes, if I knew the decision to go see AB run the marathon would lead me right back to square one— feeling like I’m left in pieces again—as much as I wanted to see him after all this time I would NOT have gone. It wasn’t worth it. But what now? What would I advise a client in my very same position?
I’d say don’t cling to an identity you no longer need. I’d tell you to face the obstacles, bad habits, and issues that have held back your growth, weighed you down, and kept you from your deserved happiness. I’d say: Use this temporary setback for something good, by learning from it so you can turn it around.
Damn, that’s great advice. Time for Amy to listen to Amy.