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The Rules According to Courtney

Episode 7:'s Assistant Editor was pumped about all the Courtney wisdom this week.

In case you missed it this week, Courtney had not one, not two, but three separate Courtney rants this week. For this reason alone you should watch the episode for her various tips and general wisdom. But if you're in a rush or are simply just dying to read my recap, then by all means continue on for your weekly dose of Dallas dos and don'ts. 

DON'T: Listen to an ex

We finally got to meet one of Tara's ex-fiancés, and I think it's clear she definitely has a type. While rock climbing (not exactly Tara's cup of tea, but at least she's a good sport), her ex tells her that she's wasting her time with Jody. I have to agree with Tara on this one, exes should not weigh in on your current dating life. It's awkward, and I think it's impossible to take that criticism well from an ex. Maybe from a good friend, but definitely not an ex. 

DON'T: Lead on a single mother

Call me crazy, but wasn't Matt just thinking about getting serious with Neill? Well in any event, if he's having second thoughts, it's definitely better he pulls out now. But it does leave us all to wonder what sparked this sudden change of heart. Has Matt realized there's someone else he has feelings for…

DON'T: Open an envelope labeled "rattlesnake eggs"

Oh, Courtney… Really? 

DON'T: Do long distance if you aren't ready

Hats off to Glenn, because he seems to have a pretty mature outlook about his relationship with Rebecca. He knows he cannot commit to long distance, and he's not going to agree to it just to keep her off the market in San Francisco. It's a risk he's prepared to deal with. If they can find a way to make it work in the future, they will, but for now it is what it is. Something tells me these two can make it work. 

DO: Try and have a memorable good bye

When you're dating someone and they have to move away, you want to make a memorable final impression. Generally I would think that involves a sexy outfit and a fancy dinner. Courtney opted for "cooking" toast and pouring some wine for her South African -– to each their own I suppose. And thus she sends him off on his six-week sojourn.

Now is it just me, or is six weeks really not that long? It's unfortunate timing, but he lives in Dallas, so he'll be back. This leads me to believe that it all may be a convenient excuse for Courtney to start seeing someone else…

DON'T: Tell someone you're not in their league

It never strikes me as a good idea to be too self-deprecating with someone you're dating, a la Jody saying he's not in Tara's league. While the goal seemingly is to have the other person affirm that this is in fact not the case, you also run the risk of them thinking, "Hey, you know what? This guy really isn't in my league, what was I thinking?" Dangerous territory. 

DON'T: Make out with someone in front of the guy you actually want to get with

Drew, Drew, Drew… What exactly was he thinking when he made out with someone right in front of Cody? Maybe out of frustration about Cody moving to New York he went in for a kiss with this guy in the heat of the moment to make Cody jealous. Or perhaps it was just temporary insanity. Either way, bad move. I'm guessing Cody just moved up his flight to New York.

DO: Have a pool party to relieve stress

Because what better way to forget about all of your responsibilities than to have half the girls in Dallas running around half naked? Which brings us to our next point…

DON'T: Wear a bikini and high heels

Hands down this was Courtney's best rant yet. I was completely on board, because I would assume someone standing around in a bikini and heels was the entertainment, not a guest. And I was cracking up when she explained that because she was wearing a cover up over her bikini, it bought her a wedge, but only a wedge, not a full heel. I love the rules according to Courtney.

DON'T: Only talk about where you got your sunglasses

You'll notice that the girl trying to woo Glenn with the gripping tale of where she purchased her sunglasses was wearing a bikini and heels. Previous point proved.

DON'T: Bring up another friend while you're breaking up with someone

Real smooth, Matt. Just throw Courtney under the bus some more with Neill. Trying to explain the whole "perception is reality" theory was just not going to help this awkward breakup-but-not-a-breakup-because-they-weren't-officially-dating moment.

DO: Make a fashionably late entrance

I don't know about you, but the buildup of stress around Courtney being late to Matt's gala was crazy tense! I kind of wanted to reach through the screen, shake her, and shout, "Just throw something on and get there!" But after so much to do, she made it in time and made quite an entrance. Matt's face was definitely saying, "Dayum!" Maybe it was part of her scheme, but it paid off. So much so that she scored an invite for an intimate getaway. Will it be the moment we've all been waiting for?!

Well all I can say is if horseback riding in the countryside doesn't lead to romance, then I don't know what will. 

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