Whirlwind engagements seem to be on trend at the moment (ahem Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson); however, the curious case of Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin seems to be a pretty different scenario, due to the fact that the pair have been friends for years and have a history of dating.
Hailey’s dad introduced the duo back in 2009, sparking years of friendship between the two. Then, at the start of 2016, the relationship took a blatant romantic turn when Bieber posted a PDA picture of the pair kissing on his Instagram during a New Year’s trip with his family. Since then they have been spotted together, apart, single, and have dated other people before being publicly back together this summer.
Bieber confirmed the engagement rumors on Instagram, posting a heartfelt message to his new fiancée, but is their rekindled romance happening too fast to last a lifetime? Personal Space spoke to David Cantu, a relationship coach at Life Coach Austin, to get the lowdown on quickie engagements, and insight on what it takes to ensure it becomes a successful long-term marriage.
Here are some questions to ask before hopping in with both feet:
How have you grown?
Cantu has counseled thousands of couples, many of whom previously dated and then reunited and (typically) he advises dating a partner at least a year before popping the question. However, when it comes to couples who have previously dated, he explained it's not so much a matter of how much time they should date the current time around. In these cases, it is more a question of, “how mature are they now? How much have they grown individually since they first knew each other?”
Cantu explains that “success in marriage comes first from truly knowing yourself, then empathy, responsibility, commitment, and practice.” In Bieber’s Instagram post he affirmed that sentiment and said “…So committed to spending my life getting to know every single part of you loving you patiently and kindly… My heart is COMPLETELY and FULLY YOURS and I will ALWAYS put you first!”
Are you committed to this relationship now?
In Bieber’s early 2016 GQ interview, he referred to Baldwin as someone he really loves and insightfully explained that he didn't want to put her in a position where he would hurt her or feel like their relationship was a burden while he was on tour. That maturity and self-awareness to keep someone he cared deeply for at a distance to protect their feelings is a pretty good indicator that he wouldn't just jump into a marriage this time around if he didn't feel it was right. In that interview he prophesied, “what if Hailey ends up being the girl I’m gonna marry, right? If I rush into anything, if I damage her, then it’s always gonna be damaged.”
Cantu discloses that ultimately when it comes down to quick engagements, “it's not so much a matter of timing as it is wisdom.” He clarifies, “an insightful, self-aware person is probably less likely to get into a quick engagement because they understand the pitfalls.” That being said, a quick engagement, doesn't always predict failure.
Are there past issues that could come up again or that were never solved?
Even if your new love is not an old love, it's important to address any issues you've had in past relationships (with other people) that could be impacting this new one. And, for couples who come together after a break up and want to get married, Cantu explains that they first need to address the reason for the break up. He points out that they may simply be “reliving an imagined past and ignoring the problems they faced to begin with,” which would not lead them down the path to a successful marriage.
Couples who are feeling "in love" are highly unlikely to seek a marriage counselor. However, regardless of whether their previous issues were about infidelity, it would be highly beneficial to seek counseling the moment things begin to turn sour. Cantu says “too often couples put off seeking help until the relationship is nearly irreparable.” Therefore, especially for couples who have broken up in the past, it is a good idea to talk to someone as soon as they find themselves repeating old patterns ... especially if they want a new outcome together.
Personal Space is Bravo's home for all things "relationships," from romance to friendships to family to co-workers. Ready for a commitment? Then Like us on Facebook to stay connected to our daily updates.