Chelsea Handler Has a Very Interesting Way of Dumping Younger Men

Chelsea Handler’s new memoir, Life Will Be the Death of Me, talks about her longtime attraction to older men — and how she tends to treat younger men she has gotten involved with.

The comedian included in the book a conversation she had with her psychiatrist, Dan, about her love life. He asked her about the kind of men she likes, and well, let’s just say Special Counsel Robert Mueller has a shot.

“I like older men a lot, and I’ll tell you why it’s become a problem: because now I’m 43, and older men are getting really old, if you catch my drift. So now I have to scale back my margin and lower the difference of age that’s most preferable to me, which used to be 20 years. This is what is referred to as ‘thinning the herd.’ That is why I have the feelings I do for Robert Mueller,” Handler explained.

"I have strong feelings for Robert Mueller. I find him incredibly sexy, and I know why. It’s because he has his shit together, and my father never did. I get the psychology behind it, but then I’ll hook up with younger guys who are absolute and utter messes — whose lives I turn upside down even more, and who I then lose interest in.”

She explained her relationships with younger guys are based on “their looks and their bodies,” and is a fairly new thing.

“My interest in younger men is new, but they have to be grown men. They can’t be growing. I want to be thrown around on a bed (in a loving way) while also being told to shut the f--k up when I’m being obnoxious. I know that’s not a popular thing to say in the current climate, but that’s what I like. Young guys won’t do that. I want to be dominated — by an older man — but in the past couple of years, I’ve had no choice but to start dipping into younger guys just because that’s what the Lord keeps putting before me."

The problem with younger guys? Handler is usually the first to lose interest, she says, and, well, that costs her money.

Wait, what?

“In the past, it has cost me tens of thousands of dollars,” she explained. “I’ve had a few younger guys in my life, and each time I convince myself I’m not going to get sick of them — like a new album you listen to repeatedly. You know if you abuse an album and listen to it too many times, you’re going to get sick of it, but part of me always thinks this album will be different ... I usually upend their lives in some irreparable way — like I come in and out, and I don’t take them seriously, and just want to have fun — and then, when they get serious, I just want to do anything that will make them feel better, so I usually just give them money… Because, I’m just not thinking about their circumstances and that they could lose their jobs. So, if that happens, and it has happened, I try to ameliorate the situation — with money.”

When her shrink tells her it’s really not necessary to pay people off when you break up with them, she said she gets it, and that in the end, for her, it’s just “so much safer to be single.”