“I don’t think she’s a loyal friend at all, I think she talks s--t about people and that’s her m.o.,” Danielle tells Teresa. “She told me a dozen times not to trust you, or Melissa, she said it to me several times, Teresa’s not your real friend. She told me don’t trust ‘em.”
But Margaret swears her exact words were "you can’t trust anyone” and that she never mentioned any names. “I said don’t trust anyone, you talk too much, because she was, you know, she says crazy things constantly and I was being dead serious.”
And around and around we go. Stop this ride, we're getting dizzy.
Meanwhile, Dolores Catania took Margaret's side, saying Danielle exaggerates. Teresa agreed.
So what are we dealing with here? Anyone have a “friend” like this? What can you do with a person who twists your words?
“The art of understanding and handling the unreasonable person is probably the biggest lesson I've learned in the last few years,” writes Susan Biali, M.D. for Psychology Today.
She says you need to have short interactions with those you can't have a reasonable conversation with; who twist your words or totally confuse you. “Minimize time with them. Keep your interactions as short as possible. Minimizing your exposure to pathology goes a long, long way.”
Biali adds that while it may be tempting, don't drink around this type as “it will only make you more emotionally vulnerable and more likely to do or say something useless that will either make you look bad, make you feel bad, or make you more of a target.”
Say as little as possible, she advises, in order to not have your words twisted. Stay away from gossip and topics that can be upsetting. And “give up the dream that they will one day be the person you wish they'd be.”
“I see this in coaching clients all the time and in myself, too. There are people in our lives who have moments where they seem to be the parent/partner/spouse/friend (insert whatever's appropriate) you've always felt they could be, yet they ultimately always end up hurting or disappointing us significantly. Amazingly, we fall for it and get our hopes up again the next time they treat us nicely or seem to have turned a new leaf. Giving up the hope and fully accepting this person for who they really are can be an unbelievable relief after what is sometimes a lifetime of wishing.”
If you absolutely have to spend time with this person try to do so under circumstances that offer some sort of distraction — like other friends or an event.
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