Have you ever felt like the men in your life aren't listening to you when you speak? Well, you're not alone with that concern. Rori Sassoon, a relationship expert and the co-founder of upscale matchmaking agency Platinum Poire, sets up couples all the time, and one complaint she usually hears from women is that men just aren’t listening.
So what can you do to get your man to really listen to you?
“I always say it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it... It's how you frame it,” Sassoon told Personal Space. “You never, ever want to put someone on the defense. You get more with honey, you don’t wanna be too hard. If you want to make them understand something, try, ‘I really know you would never hurt me, but I wanna clear something up.’”
She also suggested thinking carefully about timing and picking a time when you know you'll both be receptive to communication.
“When he’s leaving for work, or in a meeting, or just home from work, that’s not the time," Sassoon advised. "Say, ‘This is important, let me know when you can set aside some time.’ If you’re emotionally acting a crazy person, they don’t wanna hear it. And when you’re hysterical, they definitely don’t hear you.”
It’s basically all about playing the long game, she added.
“When you’re commanding, when your language is aggressive, men aren’t listening,” Sassoon said. “You need to check yourself first and then talk to the person... it’s never gonna be good when you’re emotional.”
It’s also helpful to write down beforehand what you want to say.
“Nobody wants to listen to someone repeat themselves,” she explained.
According to Psychology Today, men overall aren't less talkative than women, they just don't want to talk for the hell of it.
"A study by Georgetown gender communication specialist Deborah Tannen debunks the conventional wisdom that women talk more than men," PT reported. "Fact is, men talk approximately the same amount — 16,000 words a day. The difference may be that many men resist talking unless a constructive outcome is likely."
So the next time you want to talk to a man in your life — whether it be a significant other, a friend, a co-worker, a family member, or what have you — consider taking a deep breath and really thinking about what you want to say and accomplish with your words if you really want them to listen and absorb what you're saying. And hey, if they still aren't really paying attention... it might be time to reconsider that relationship. After all, your words and feelings matter!
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