Here's How to Handle Guests Who Don't RSVP to Your Wedding

Here's How to Handle Guests Who Don't RSVP to Your Wedding

Some people just show up, some send a text saying they're not coming. Both are not good wedding etiquette. 

By Marianne Garvey
Cheryl Burke, Matthew Lawrence

Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke is still calling out the people who were late to tell her (or shoot her a text) to say they wouldn't be attending her wedding — which was in May. 

“So I think we should scroll down this list and see who hasn’t RSVP’d yet,” she posted to Instagram Stories.

“A text is not going to do, you must RSVP,” she tells one invitee.

“I was at your wedding, so you better be coming,” she says to one more.

“I haven’t seen you in years, but tick tock!” she proclaims to another who didn't reply.

The dance pro married actor Matthew Lawrence, 39, on May 23 at the Fairmont Grand Del Mar in San Diego in front of 200 guests.

So, is she rude or is she right?

"There is no question that a timely RSVP is important when it comes to an accurate headcount. Especially when the celebration is one as important as your wedding," national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman told Personal Space

But calling people out on social media who have not responded isn't great behavior, either. 

"It's not the optimum way to breed goodwill among guests," Gottsman said. "Late in the game, with only days to respond, a quick text is better than no response at all. However, a phone call to each guest (by a close family member) who has not responded is a better option than embarrassing them on social media. What might seem like a lighthearted nudge on social media can easily backfire when it publicly embarrasses someone. No one enjoys feeling pressured or scolded, especially online."

You should follow up, though — just do it privately. 

"It is not uncommon for a host to make arrangements to follow up with guests who have not returned their RSVP cards," Gottsman said. "A phone call, text, or email are all sufficient modes of communication when the event date is closing in."

Also, hot tip: "Plan for a few extra plates of food and extra seating for an unexpected guest or unanticipated plus one," Gottsman added because there's always at least one. 

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