Lance Bass and his husband Michael Turchin are starting a family — and that includes their surrogate.
“I’m very anxious and nervous, but I think it’s going to be amazing,” Lance, 39, tells People. “We found the most amazing doctor, surrogate, everything is just great. It’s happening, and it’s happening quick.”
The former boy bander added that the couple is “very” involved with their surrogate and will remain close with her throughout the process and after.
“We want to know … she lives close to us so we’ll be able to see her and be a part of her life and she’s going to be a part of our life the rest of our lives,” he said. “It’s going to be great.”
Although it’s unclear if it’s her egg the couple is using, many people end up staying close to their gestational surrogate, which is a woman who carries a baby for a couple using their egg and sperm or donated egg and sperm.
“The surrogate carries the pregnancy but the couple who are the ‘intended parents’ raise the child and are legally the parents,” explains Meryl Rosenberg, founder of surrogacy agency Art Parenting in Maryland. “The intended parents are listed on the birth certificate as the actual parents.”
“So I see her stomach, I kiss her stomach, I touch, and I speak to them,” Fredrik told The Daily Dish.
Not everyone stays so close to their surrogates though, Kim Kardashian claims her surrogate didn’t even know Kim was the biological mom for three months. She had agreed to be a surrogate for an anonymous family. No word on if the two are in touch now, but Kim did leave her off the invite list for Chicago’s baby shower.
Rosenberg says each individual who chooses to use a surrogate approaches the process differently; some remain close their whole lives and others see it as a contractual agreement that’s done as soon as the baby is born.
“With having done this for over 25 years from my perspective every surrogate arrangement is a partnership, people are clear with the parameters when they come into it,” Rosenberg says. “Like any relationship though, it can really grow over time organically.”
She adds that many same-sex male couples use a gestational surrogate, who is just the carrier and not the biological mother. They also go into it hoping to have a continued relationship with the surrogate, she’s found.
“It’s a person helping couples become parents they want to become, and those parameters are defined by the parties. Many people don’t know where it will go, they will see where it goes and end up staying in touch naturally. It’s very, very personal.”
Rosenberg says that most surrogacy contracts don’t address the relationship between carrier and intended parents at all, but it’s always clear the intended parents will be the sole legal parents.
“Sometimes people do become family in a sense that they’re treated like an aunt,” Rosenberg says. “The intent is that ‘this is not the mother’ They’re helping you have the family you otherwise wouldn’t have. They are amazing women who are thoughtful, educated and voluntarily entering into this agreement.”
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