For those who knew and loved Kim Porter, the sudden death of the former model back in 2018 was a tough blow. That's especially true for Porter's ex Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, with whom she shared three children. In November, Diddy shared his grief in a heartfelt post that said, in part, "I don’t know what I’m going to do without you baby. I miss you so much."
And in a recent, very emotional interview with Essence, the rapper once again talked about the painful loss he's endured. "It really, really woke me up ... it turned everything upside-down," he said. "It's the craziest, most traumatic thing I've ever been through."
Describing his relationship with Porter, Diddy said, "There's levels and dimensions to love. And especially love between a man and woman. There's this place that like almost goes beyond friendship. It's where two people actually feel like a level of responsibility to love this person forever, and a total trust. There's not a lot of people you can say you have total trust and you really really know that you can trust them. And it went beyond us being involved intimately or in a traditional type of relationship. It really felt like the pure definition of unconditional love, but it was a little deeper than that."
When asked if he has any regrets about his relationship with Porter, including not having married her, he said, "I was playing with love [by not marrying Porter]. I definitely took for granted that she would just be with me forever. I took for granted that something like this could happen."
In the end, Diddy admitted he's still grappling with his new reality. "Anybody that’s lost a mother or lost a soulmate it takes time. It takes time. They say time heals all wounds when it comes to mothers…I don’t think that’s the case," he said. "And that’s not a negative thing, ’cause as people we need wounds … [you] need something to sting you sometimes, forever.”
He added through tears, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do... I’ll figure something out, though. It just hurts so much."
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