In the words of Kim Kardashian, poor Khloe.
Khloe Kardashian was met with the worst possible situation just days before giving birth — her boyfriend and father of her baby girl True, Tristan Thompson, had been caught cheating on her with at least five different women. Understandably, she was pissed.
Although the trust has been broken, The Keeping Up with the Kardashians sister is trying to forgive and forget, although it’s been difficult, according to People, which reports she is still deciding what to do about their relationship and has become “needy.”
“She's definitely more needy and in his face now. This has been causing some conflicts,” they report. “She has good days and bad days with Tristan. They had a very calm relationship before those videos and pictures were released. Now their relationship has changed.”
They add that Tristan is “on a tight leash.”
Khloe has been tweeting her emotional status of late, too, writing over the weekend, “Misery loves company. People can't stand for someone else to flourish and be happy. Nowadays people thrive off ones downfall rather than their success. Sadly.”
The two began dating in 2016, but it’s unclear if they’ll marry after Tristan’s cheating scandal. But for now, she’s staying with him and still living in Cleveland, where he plays for the Cavaliers, and focusing on family.
Personal Space called some therapists and relationship experts to ask about the complicated emotions that arise when you’ve been betrayed ... but also have a new baby to take care of.
Here is what they say:
Focus on the baby.
Relationship expert April Masini says Khloe Kardashian, like any woman who’s just given birth and found out her partner has cheated, is “facing some big personal challenges.”
“This is a tough road to walk. That said, here’s some advice. Focus on what is good. No matter what happens with you and your partner, you will always be parents of this new child,” Masini says. ”When you shift focus from stress and bad behavior onto the baby, and celebrate the birth, you’re going to be more able to get past your partner’s indiscretions.”
Masini says try to understand the bigger picture in terms of character.
“It’s super easy to point fingers, but chances are high that your partner cheating didn’t happen in a vacuum. Sometimes people are cheaters — chronic cheaters, and if you ignored the signs, now, you get to ponder them. This isn’t just one person’s fault…Understanding this dynamic can help you both heal. For instance, I believe that Khloe's partner, Tristan, reportedly started dating Khloe while his ex was still pregnant. This should have been a warning to Khloe that this could happen again. She chose to ignore her partner’s behavior while they were dating — which many people do. They caught up in the swirl of love, and think it can conquer all. It can’t. When you’re dating, pay attention to who you’re dating and what their character is.”
People — all people — are complicated.
“Tristan may be a great father, but a lousy partner. He may be a great romantic but flawed at being loyal. Since there is already a baby, decide what’s best for the baby — which is two parents who can get along and put the child first. Then decide what’s best for your relationship with a cheating partner. Marrying or staying with someone who’s cheated or cheats chronically may cause more stress for the baby than living separately with separate lives but still co-parenting. Khloe may be a stellar mother, but a rotten partner-picker. Or she may be someone who’s very reliable and loyal, but gets caught up in the moment and with men, is more romantic than practical. Really dig deep and figure out who you and your partner are, and accept them and yourself.”
Lack of trust doesn’t work in the long run—ever.
“Khloe may be trying to make it work, but she’s reportedly got him on a short leash…This dynamic won’t work in a relationship over the long run. She’s trying to control things, which all mothers do. But it’s empowering to realize what you can’t control and let it go, so you can focus on what’s important, your baby.”
Don't pretend it didn't happen.
Dr. Liz Lasky, a New York City-based therapist who has helped couples work through infidelity, says dealing with both cheating and a new baby can actually be traumatic for Khloe. Not the best time to make a permanent decision.
“Having a baby overhauls your entire life. Finding out about a cheating partner can be earth shattering. Adding these two together could potentially be a traumatic life altering event. Handling the feelings of a new baby and a cheating partner can be an emotional rollercoaster. There will most likely be moments of love, joy, confusion, anger, and grief,” Lasky says. “I’m not sure there is a perfect way to handle this rollercoaster. The best way to get through the emotions is to simply feel them.”
And once she figures out how she feels, Khloe shouldn’t force anything for the sake of baby.
“It’s never a good idea to force anything in a relationship, including trying to stay together for the sake of the children,” Lasky says. “It is, of course, possible to stay together if both parties feel that they can agree to work out a solution. It is always best to get some professional support during a time like this. An objective third party can help you figure out what is best for all parties involved. You should never stay in an unhealthy relationship just because of the baby.”
Examine the relationship. Go to therapy.
Lauren Eavarone, who offers sex therapy and relationship counseling in New York City, says “infidelity creates feelings of fear, self-doubts, suspicions, and distrust in both parties.”
“People have a tendency to judge how lovable they are based on how their loved ones treat them. If your partner has an affair (or multiple) there is a tendency to misinterpret the betrayal occurring as a result of their partner being displeased with something about them- their appearance, intimacy, etc., and pregnancy could make a woman more self conscious,” she says.
“However, affairs are often less about being displeased with a characteristic about a partner and more about fulfilling ones own wants and needs.
"The goal is to recognize [what happened], remove blame talk, and reestablish and negotiate clear wants and goals. It is valuable to be upfront about expectations of the relationship from each partner and what they are willing to negotiate on. Placing expectations on a partner to be your ideal version of a spouse or expecting them to ‘eventually’ change is a recipe for disappointment.”
If Khloe decides to stay, she got to be honest about who and what she's dealing with. Honesty and open communication are necessary for rebuilding.
“There [are] many factors that contribute to a decision to work it out,” Eavarone says. “With children involved couples may consider the impact of separation on the child…A new mother would benefit from disputing any irrational beliefs about herself, including a deflated self worth surrounding the decision of her partner, to reduce possible depression and anxiety that could negatively impact her ability to bond and care for the child.”
If they do decide to work it out, forgive and forget often comes back to haunt, when months (or even years) later, infidelity is revisited in fights.
“If they are going to reconcile they may want to consider working with a relationship counselor to assist them…A therapist would help support disclosure and manage the intense emotions surrounding an affair.”
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