Find Yourself in a Love Triangle? Here's What You Should Do

Find Yourself in a Love Triangle? Here's What You Should Do

Shahs of Sunset's Nema Vand has a live-in girlfriend ... and a crush on Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi.

By Marianne Garvey

Nema Vand realized he needed to come clean about his flirtation with Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi to his live-in girlfriend Erica. But is the Shahs of Sunset star in a little deeper with his feelings for GG, who divorced Shalom Yeroushalmi last year just two months after tying the knot? GG is looking to stay single, but is also getting flirty with Nema. 

Love triangles are confusing, says Psychology Today, and often emotionally excrutiating for everyone involved. Why do they happen?

"Being caught in a love triangle is painful," Psychology Today reports. "Feeling stuck and unsure how to proceed can create ruminative thoughts and emotional suffering. And the longer a person is stuck, the more opportunities they have to behave in ways that are deceitful or that otherwise increase their chances of losing both partners. Further, watching yourself behave deceitfully erodes your sense of your own integrity."

Experts say the avoidance of a choice in a love triangle is because the person who is "loving" two people is getting a hidden payoff. 

"By turning your attention inward, you can identify what your hidden payoff is. One possible hidden payoff is that the love triangle protects you from something that scares you," Psychology Today says. "And when it comes to love, there’s plenty of stuff that can feel pretty darned scary — fear of heartbreak, fear of disappointment, fear of boredom."

Florida-based therapist Jason Eric Ross tells Personal Space there are a few things you can do if you find yourself in a situation like Nema's.

"First, [upon finding out], taking a breath will allow you to best assess your situation and a course of action. Odds are better you will get your facts straight this way,"  he says. "Write down what you would like to say. You can even practice it."

If you are hurting or have been lied to (or are lying to someone), Ross advises talking to a professional. 

"If that isn’t an option, get on the phone with someone non-judgmental who you truly trust. It’ll help ease some of the negative feelings and likely validate you."

Try some self-care. 

"There is never a time you should forget you own needs entirely, and often when we are stressed, this gets thrown by the wayside," Ross says. 

Stay social.

"If your heart gets broken, don’t isolate. The more you keep healthy people around you, the better you will feel and the sooner you will heal."

Fran Greene, author of The Secret Rules of Flirting, also explains how you can find yourself in a love triangle.

"Love is not always like a rom-com, especially when the person you are madly in love with is in serious like or in love with someone else," Fran says. "Should you hang in or take off? It’s heart-wrenching, scary."

Have that awkward conversation.

You have to talk to your partner about it, despite how scared you are of losing what you have and wanting to believe that you will be the one who your partner will ultimately choose. By doing this, you are showing self-respect for yourself. You have to ask the tough questions: what do you want, and what’s causing you to be involved with both of us?"

Take a 30-day break.
"Tell your partner that you don’t want any contact for 30 days — no texts, phone calls, dates, emails, social media posts, etc. Not even asking mutual friends about you. Tell your partner you are doing this to see how you feel without any contact. By doing it this way you are showing him/her that you want to decide for yourself how your life is without your partner. You are coming from a place of strength and not as the victim," Fran says. 

Assess your options.

"You have choices, even if you don’t think you do," Fran says. "Always remember that you are in control of your life. Get a journal and start writing down your thoughts, feelings, fears etc. Write in it at least twice a day. Don’t hold anything back. This is for your eyes only."
Take a business approach to your love triangle.

"Do a cost-benefit analysis of your situation. You’ve got to ask yourself some very difficult and painful questions. What are you getting out of it, why do you stay, why should you leave, what will you be risking if you stay, what will you be risking if you leave, what about any collateral damage such as your family or friend’s reactions, legal ramifications, etc.? When you are deeply in love, it’s so hard to calculate what’s really best for you," Fran says.

Give it a deadline.
"This is not about giving your partner an ultimatum. It’s all about you deciding how long you want to stay in the triangle. Sooner than later is my suggestion; do not wait more than 90 days. You do not have to share your plan with your partner. If you do, you might say, 'I’m in the process of deciding if this is right for me.' You don’t have to share your deadline."

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