I'm going to just cut to the chase and talk about our female millionaire Robin. Where to start with this one... She's 33, Jewish, loves Matthew McConaughey, Hello Kitty, the color pink, and her two yappy dogs "Bruiser" and "Paris Hilton." Do I even need to go on from here? Oh, but I must!
Robin was just a mess in every way imaginable, and if she had put down the drinky and toned down the pinky, she would have succeeded with us. We gave Robin such a great handful of perfect men for her to choose from, and she went for Mr. Plumbing for Gold, Luke. Because he's like super hot and stuff.
So let's see, Luke and Robin met in Central Park to go for a leisurely bike ride where Robin almost lands on horse droppings and Luke cuts off a guy on rollerblades. Then right before Robin passes out the ride ends, and they are off to a nice boat cruise. Hey, this ought to be good right? Dinner, boat, and more alcohol to help ease the pain of this date. Five drinks in and some heavy petting under the table, she's offering Ducatis and Maseratis, Botox for her 56 year old dog, and he wants her to help unclog the can. Next they're out on the deck and now on drink ten, we get some nipple tweaking, muscle grabbing, and not a barf bag in sight.
I don't know what made me more ill this week, the boat ride over the water or this train wreck of a date. Robin really is a sweet girl, and you have to feel sorry for her. Luke is just a gold digger who needs to be flushed away with all the rest of the excrement. These two get the Rachel Award for Dating Disaster of the Year. Hopefully you all have learned a lot from this week. Or if nothing else, that Botox is great for pets too.