A Hot Train Wreck

Full transcript after the jump

Now I have two really unusual clients that couldn't be more diverse than before. First is a prince. Prince Max. He is the ultimate German prince that's moved to Denmark and has become European-ized. He lives in New York. He owns a tele-shopping company like on HSN. He needs an entrepreneurial girl with a casual attitude, can still hang with the royals, as well as look like a supermodel. OK, sure I can do that.

Then there's Daniel. Daniel is the ultimate nerd. I don't think he's ever been out of the house. He won the lottery yesterday by winning a million dollars at his company Groupon. Literally has never spent a dollar. Never been in a bar. I don't even think he got laid. I think he had one girlfriend his whole life, and he's 27 years old. So I'm like, "Jesus Christ. What am I going to do with him? He looks like the ultimate nerd next to Prince Max." So I take him to Penguin and I have a makeover done. Fabulous clothes. JT Hat. Funky tie. I made it for the mixer. And then I gotta do something with his hair. It's disgusting. And there's like peach fuzz all over his face. I take him over to my barber shop, which is Bolt, and I had my favorite barber do this whole thing, Mohawk Mac on him to clean him up and make him sexified. Oh my god, by the end of the day when he walked into that mixer I was floored. I didn't even recognize him.

So it's mixer and it's a full-on mixer. And both guys are in it to win it. Max is like I need the most sexy European girl. And in walks Clark. Clark is gorgeous. She's what I want at every mixer. She is almost 6 feet tall. She's a supermodel. She's busy all the time. She's booked. She's entrepreneurial. She speaks other languages. It's a win, win, win. They fall madly in love. There was no contest. I don't have to worry about him. He was done in five seconds. He sold it. He's going to take her to The Royal Wedding.

Now I gotta worry about Daniel. Daniel is a hot train wreck. He wants a party girl. Granted there are nice party girls who are intellectual and fun. There's Holly and there's Tori, but no. He has to pick Bogner, torn-up Sheerena. Where'd she get the name like that I don't know. And I'm thinking to myself, "Don't pick Lindsay Lohan. Don't pick Lindsay Lohan. Don't pick. . ." And he picks her. And I'm like, "Oh my god, what am I going to do?" Because I'm just a matchmaker I can't decide what you take. So he makes a date to go downtown to a gallery walk and have a nice little dinner. And she's so aggressive, asking him questions like, "You know, when's the last time you got laid? How many lovers do you have?" It's so inappropriate. But does he shut it down, which I told him to do. No, no, no to ex talk. No. 

So they end up having a terrible evening. She feels really uncomfortable because now he's talking about his ex, and she's put on her therapist hat and the sex neutralizes, even though she's attracted to him. And there's nowhere to go.

THe comes into the office the next day to explain what happened -- in his red hoodie. He kind of regressed back to Santa Claus land and Mr. Rodgers. And I'm like, wait, what happened to the clothes I bought you. "They're dirty." "So go buy more," I say, you're a millionaire. And he realizes he made a huge mistake.

There's just one thing that saves the day. Called his Ex. Found out information about why they broke up. And now he's thinking about getting back together with the ex. So technically I did make two matches.