Emerson: I wore my pink for Lisa!
Scott: How did I miss that opportunity?
Destiney: I love Lisa. She’s the only one who can say pussy and not be so vulgar.
Rashawn: Man, Lisa looks good. She looks like she’s not aging now she just looks like a vampire.
Lamont: Because she is a vampire.
Emerson: I like it better when they’re all having sex and yelling at each other. I don’t want to hear about your actual marriage problems.
Scott: Like real life problems.
Emerson: Yea, don’t make it real. Just be terrible like we want you to be.
Teddi: We are going to watch one of my favorite shows. Just because of Blake. Blake…he is my man.
Emerson: When they start with “I’m so proud of you” they mean it was not good.
Blake: It’s like when Paula would start with “you look so pretty tonight.”
Scott: “I love your outfit.”
Brandy: Maybe if Gwen wasn’t so concerned with Blake Shelton sucking on her tits he would’ve gotten the right song.
Emerson: I really want someone to say “I’m tackling a song tonight that means nothing to me.”
Brandy: He should just take the mic and drop it. And then he should take off his glasses and drop them.
Julie: And then step on them.
Brandy: The only thing I wish is that sexy ass Nick Jonas was still alive. You can’t kill off the eye candy like that.
Emerson: Ultimately it’s just rude that they created a show called 'Scream Queens' and we’re not on it!
Scott: Alright, let’s see these bitches scream.
Scott: I would never kill you guys.
Blake: Thank you, I’m glad you said that. I feel better now.
Scott: I’ll just wait for you to say it back.
Emerson: I mean, what scenario are we talking about here?
Scott: This is the awards show where people show up in jeans.
Emerson: Jeans are like country couture.
Scott: No…
Ayn: God Blake Shelton is gorgeous.
Teddi: Keep your hands off, he’s mine.
Ayn: I can look and salivate.
Teddi: That’s all you can do.
Emerson: Country Music has so many songs about liquor.
Blake: Could you imagine if I wrote a song about Pinot Grigio?
Emerson: Ramona Singer is gonna steal it from you.
Julie: I think maybe I’ll send Justin Timberlake a tweet and tell him how much I loved him on the CMAs. What do you think?
Andrew: Okay, do it.
Jack: I’ve never seen someone make so many typos before.
Andrew: She’s nervous she’s typing to Justin Timberlake. Don’t be upset if he doesn’t get back to you right away.
Emerson: Elizabeth Hurley is so beautiful. Every time I look at her all I can think of is what a lunatic Hugh Grant is for cheating on her.
Scott: Girl, when is he coming out of the closet?
Emerson: Queen Cyrus!
Jack: Is all they do have sex and play polo?
Destiney: I’d totally be great a being a royal.
Cathy: We know you’d be great at the royals. You’re too much of a bourgeois, high maintenance, bizatch.
