This week was ridiculously fabulous and I watched with Jill Zarin from my show who chimed in here and there.
STRIPALICIOUS????? So, we start the episode with an adult sleepover in which the Atlanta ladies are working the pole. I think I would have preferred to see them in a strip club. Those professional strippers were scary and looked more like mud wrestlers. Working the pole is supposed to be sexy and hot, and I think if I busted out of those moves on a date, the man would run faster than he probably normally would.
I believe it was Sheree who mentioned that she was into "trying new things." How about backgammon? Or knitting. Shockingly, Sheree said she was "feeling really good about myself." Modesty seems like her strongpoint. However, (and we know I don't toss around compliments to Sheree freely), she was good. She worked that pole and she was better than the pros. She is also ripped. I like a lean body. She is a bit too muscular for me, but she obviously takes care of herself and it pays off when "shaking they jelly" as this dancing was affectionately called. My favorite line was "black women have booties." It is true and these girls know how to work them. Every smart girl would love a little bit more "junk in their trunk" if tight and right.
Lisa was reluctant but the tequila got her going and she participated. All in good fun. Please can we discuss Kim's personal chef with headphones. It was obvious to me that she hired him just for this shoot and that he isn't their regular chef. It is very important for her to show her new money and flashy cash, so this was perfect. She doesn't seem to know a single thing about food. She probably thinks arugula is a foreign city. Frozen pizza should do her just fine. She should save her money.
OK, and I really wanted to be wrong here: HOW ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS WAS HER VOICE?????!!!!
She even confidently said the words "talented like me, kind of." Um, I'm thinking not even kind of. Jill and I were gasping. Jill can't sing a note and I seriously think she's better than Kim. Kim doesn't seem to be concerned. She says, "I always get what I want. I'm not worried about it."
On to NeNe: Thank you for not disappointing. This week, you busted out the twins in a turquoise sexy top. Jill doesn't understand why NeNe doesn't wear a "brar." I tell Jill I don't understand why she doesn't realize that bra doesn't have an r at the end of it.
What is up with the French manicures and the fake tips? It is 2008 people.
NeNe is a good mother, which makes me love her even more. I even found it endearing that she didn't have a clue about math or her son's homework. She had to bring in her husband for consultation. He is so sweet. He's like Bobby Zarin. I love that he had to make the pizza pie analogy to get the point across.
The issue was whether 1/3 was bigger than 1/2. Jill, my favorite Jewish American princess said: "NENE, IS 1/3 CARAT DIAMOND OR 1/2 CARAT DIAMOND BIGGER?" That is quintessential Jill. The DeBeers method of doing math may be the next big thing.
DeShawn's husband bought her a beautiful Rolex. What is up with the labels? I get crap if I wear an Izod and this show has labels flying everywhere. Evidently, this watch is rare and DeShawn had admired it in Monte Carlo. It was stainless (or white gold) with a blue face. Jill was concerned that it didn't have diamonds. More is more with Jill. Got to love her.
The dialogue is my favorite part of the show, so I was comforted at DeShawn's birthday when NeNe said "Is there some wine up in here?"
All of the husbands are terrific and these women are lucky. The show should be called "The Real Husbands." They are all so sweet and good. NeNe made a toast "to the good life. We are so blessed." Indeed they are. Her husband Gregg is terrific, and I didn't realize until now that Bryce is from a previous marriage. Gregg has a lot of similarities to Bobby Zarin in being a good person, husband, and stepfather.
The people at this dinner, in my opinion, are the core of the show -- the ones the viewers like. Then NeNe took a turn for the worst by singing about Kim's career "You kind of don't know what you're doing." The irony is that NeNe really CAN sing. She should be in the studio. I agree with whoever said "NeNe shouldn't drink." She really lost it a bit but I cracked up when she sang "You say you're 29 when you're really 89." At this point, Nene's husband's head is in his hands. Truly, reality TV involves a lot of talking about other people, but NeNe looks idiotic dismissing her supposed best friend Kim. Here is where her character flaws start to show. She was quoted as saying Kim "truly has her back." NeNe comes unglued during this scene. This is war.
Can we please discuss the Swiss Miss outfit that Kim rocked to get Botox? Jill says she didn't pass the hand test. Apparently, a woman shouldn't wear a skirt that doesn't come below her arms (when by your side). I'm not sure she passed the elbow test. She looked like Dolly Parton. Too bad she can't sing like Dolly. What a beating.
Kim seems to be preoccupied with black women having skin that doesn't crack, so she expressed this by giving Sheree the finger. All class. This is the most deep and spiritual line of the show: Sheree says, and I quote "That's why I love Kim. She gets botox and looks absolutely gorgeous." Hmmmm. Now that really is the foundation of a good friendship. Then Sheree refers to herself and says, "I've heard from a pro I don't need botox." Sheree, sit back so someone else can give you a compliment once in a while. She has taken love thyself to a new level.
Back to Kim's career. She asks the voice coach "What does a voice coach do?" What was she supposed to answer? Um, I change your tires.
Also, here's a tip: A pack of day isn't going to get you any closer to being Shania. I told Jill that Kim's voice hurts my feelings. Jill said, "It hurts my ears." This is a disaster of epic proportion, which was evident when the coach told Kim "You kind of don't know what you're doing." This was lost on Kim because she asked the coach how that plays into singing in a studio. When told she had a crack in her foundation she felt that the coach was nitpicking and that none of this is relevant because she is "a singer." This became clear when we heard Kim's album in an open convertible, while she was smoking and drinking Chardonnay in the car. Sheree lets us know what a beautiful voice Kim has and that she never knew. "All that beauty and talent inside" is exactly what she said. I think I just tossed my cookies yet again. However, I need to admit that the album didn't sound that bad this time. I need to hear more.
Next to the lingerie store, surprisingly, Kim doesn't wear panties and we find out that Lisa is on the itty-bitty titty committee. Well, we know NeNe and Kim aren't on that committee. There is tension in the air because of the NeNe-Kim dynamic. This scene seemed a little forced. The pole-dancing was enough. I don't need to picture some of these women in lingerie.
OK, as a chef, and a person who happens to walk upright, I really couldn't get over the guacamole moment. OK, you don't have to have attended Le Cordon Bleu to hear of guacamole. They sell it in Costco. She had a problem with her food being made in a rock and called guacamole "green garbage." I think she lives under that rock. And please someone tell me that she did not spell cat WITH A K. She's got no problem spelling Dior. Then we had a few more nauseating, vile moments of "You're beautiful, no you are" and thankfully that wretched Rosa Mexicano scene ended.
NeNe announces that she's working on a charity for victims of domestic abuse. I can't say anything bad about that except for please try to make and not spend money on this one.
Then Kim goes into the studio dressed like Kid Rock. I know these broads will bash the hell out of me next season, but I'm just calling 'em as I see them. This is insane. Kim was a bit shocked and perplexed and got a bit of a wake-up call because of how bad her voice was. The truth hurts. Luckily, anything can be done in the studio, and truth be told, she really is an entertaining character. Then we move to a scene in Lisa's kitchen where Sheree continues to talk about NeNe while saying how bad it is to talk about people. She eloquently lets us know that she likes "real ass people."
I reconfirmed at NeNe's charity hat meeting that I love DeShawn. To me, she is sweet and she really is beautiful and I don't have to hear her talk about it every week. She seems sweet and they are real friends. I love hats and died when the girl said she hoped they have big hats because she needs to "hold a lot of weave." Loving this language!!!! I also liked learning about the history of hats with African American women and how they traditionally wore them to church and how they love them. DeShawn and NeNe looked great in them and I loved Gregg in his. Then we had a bit more gratuitous conversation from Sheree about how miserable NeNe is in her own life blah blah blah.
NeNe was wrong in the limo but they are both wrong in perpetuating this nonsense. Sorry for the lengthiness but I like to cover everything. Sorry this is coming to an end in a few weeks.