And, let me say, it is unwise for you to act so needy w Todd. He appears to be using it to his advantage. Be careful. I see some manipulation...
Well tonight’s episode was a little hard to watch. So many of you tweet about how you think I should deal with my mom. I love my mom, and I will always give her the utmost respect. I know she can be a little tough, but I believe she really does want the best for me even if I don’t like the way she goes about it. I’ve told her a million times that I’m not getting married without a pre-nup. Todd and I already agreed that we were doing one, but I don’t know why she feels like she has to be the one he negotiates it with. Todd did his best to not be disrespectful to my mom no matter what she said to him, which I’m thankful for, but he is more than a little tired of the drama though…
And, let me say, it is unwise for you to act so needy w Todd. He appears to be using it to his advantage. Be careful. I see some manipulation...
Follow your heart, Kandi. Only you have to live with any consequences. You are a truly good person. I don't believe you are foolish. Enjoy love but protect yourself as i'm sure you will. Your mom should know better that she didn't raise a fool. She's projecting ad worried bc as many of us know love runs dry and $ is human "god". Come divorce, it's like drowning victims,they'll try to drown the other to come on top. Just be careful.
Kandi, I agree with your mother. You only have one mother and I really feel like she is protecting you. I feel her outbursts are justified as she had evidence from so many people talking to her (truth or not). Regardless, no one will ever have your best interests at hand than your mother and you are right when you said, "she will always be there for you and would never leave you." I just feel like something isn't right here and I guess it will unfold on its own whether your mom is involved or not. Everyone on here can say as many hurtful things as they want but at least have the respect to appreciate that this is Kandi's mother and no one should be saying such disrespectful things about anyone's mother.
Kandi just watched The View where you, mama joyce, and Todd were on the show this week. Good luck to you and Todd your gonna need it. Some family you half to love from a distance, and your mama is one of them. Your mom still is hating on Todd, and she really doesn't care how Todd's mom feels. I hope you have wrapped Todds mom in love and let her know, your mom doesn't speak for you! Really feel for you, hope you find clarity and are happy, You have a lot to think about, and I think some patterns with your mom need to be stopped. Meaning quit making excuses for your mother's actions! If you don't change YOU this pain will never go away. Your mom won't leave you, your her ATM. Your mom seems to only care about HERSELF. You truly seem like a genuine person, and Todd seems like her really cares for you. Best wishes from this fan. xoxo
I don't even watch your show. BUT, your mother needs to butt out. Saw her on The View. Unbelievable!
Kandi your mother has you so brainwashed and it is so sad that a woman your age hat has accomplished so much can not find the strength to put this matter in proper perspective. I know she is your mother but it is so obvious she cares more about herself then she cares for you she is jealous o your accomplishments and wants to keep you to herself. her greatest fear is that a man or friend in your life who truly does care about your best interest will convince you to cut her off she will never have enough no mater how much you do for her or give her. I fear you will come o this realizations to late after much lose. for God sakes Kandi stop allowing her to manipulate you it makes you look weak no kind
I truly think you are far from a dumb woman, but you are continually proving that you desperately need counseling. You acted as if you'd agreed to it when you told Todd of your Mother's latest despicable plan to split you up. You act as if Todd and your friends are attacking you when they've proven your Mother is out of control - and yet you act like they are wrong when they demand, rightfully so, that you get your Mother to stop and back off. Its not normal what your Mother is doing and certainly not normal the way you allow her to run your life, attack your fiancé and friends and control you. Please for the love of God stop crying - you allow this to continue with little or no regard for Todd and your friends. You are your Mother's meal ticket and she wants to make sure the gravy train you provide for her continues and that's not a Mother's love at all. I was surprised the way you paraded your Mother and Todd on The View today. You sat there and allowed her t bash and attack him yet again--that's not normal Whoopie came to Todd's defense but you just sat there - why? You claim to love Todd and yet you continue to victimize him - no man would put up with that. Let him go - he' going to leave you anyway - that's a given. You have no one to blame but yourself. Your Mother is a mental case and you support everything she does. That's a disgrace.
Kandi, please take the advice of your fiancé and friend. The relationship you have with mother is unhealthy, and irrational. Don’t confuse it for love.Every since this reality show has been aired, your mama problem has consumed your life, so it’s not your mother, it’s you. Get the therapy and let go. Do take some time to absorb the following wisdom and share it with your mother, from “The Prophet”:
children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
You know, I think everyone may have forgotten or never saw the episode a couple seasons back about the tragic loss of Kandi's dear brother and Mama Joyce's sweet son. I still believe that the dynamic that is going on between Joyce and Kandi stems from that loss. Imagine how they had to depend on each other after that. In my opinion, what seems to be happening is that the guilt of that loss has filtered into the relationship and hasn't truly been resolved. Kandi's inability to be with who she wants to be with without the bold interference from her mom speaks of an unspoken psychological bond (an unhealthy one for sure) that neither one of them have dealt with. That's why they can't resolve it. Neither one knows what's really going on. That's why they both need therapy to bring out these buried feelings. It's really interesting, but after losing someone you love, that can bring you closer and Kandi could never abandon her mother and make her go through that pain again. NEVER!!! So, they will have to learn to love each other unconditionally and Mama Joyce will have to let go. Not so different from many parent child relationships when it's time to let their children make their own mistakes. Mama can't let go cause it feels too much like she's losing another child. When she realizes she is not losing Kandi, they can both have a better relationship. The one Kandi really wants, which is one happy family. That's what I think.
Why didn't we hear what Carmon said to Crystal? Didn't she and Todd do what Mama Joyce and Bennie was going to do to him? On top of that they tag teamed you!!! Why did he think it was good that she called Crystal? Now you need counseling, hmm......
Why were you going to drag Cynthia and her sister but sat there and let them talk about your Mother? Right or wrong that is YOUR Mother!! And yes you are right, men come and go but your Mother will be with you.
If he wants to be friends now, imagine what he will want to be after you marry him and have his child and he wants to leave and take the child and you pay him child support. I guess Carmon can be his witness that you are unstable because they had to put you into counseling because as she said, you have issues that you need to resolve. I am not putting quotes because I am changing her words to make a point. LOL!!
If Mama Joyce liked Chuck Smith then she wants you with someone, because on the show we saw that she didn't like AJ and now she doesn't like Todd, so she is not all bad. (I don't like how Chuck has portrayed himself on the show though!)
FIRE CARMON!!!! She disrespected your mother at the bridal studio and she was just about laughing about your mom's voicemail. It was like I've got her now!!!
I listen to Dr Phil a lot, he would be a great counselor for you. Y'all can go on his show. He always says that you can predict the behavior of a person by looking at past behavior. Examine his past with a "Mama Joyce eye". (You can do it, she is your mom. It is in you!) If he passes the test, not the I just wanna be happy test but the if this is really the man for me test.
He quits on things too much for me. First the show because it wasn't up to his normal standard. Is he the director or something? Now he wants to just be friends because of your mom. For real Todd?? Girl bye!
Hope you are able to make your Mother understand what she is doing to you. Love and respect should be mutual whether it's a mother/daughter, father/son or man/woman relationship. It's so obvious that Todd loves and respects you. Carmon loves and respects you. You say you love and respect your mother, but how can you truly love and respect someone who consistently tries to undermine not only your relationship with Todd, but with your friend Carmon? If you don't solve the problem, your mother will be the only one you have left in your life. A mother's job is to raise her children and send them out fully prepared into the world. She, obviously, doesn't think she did a good job raising you. Her relationship with you is unhealthy. Period. She should be happily helping you plan your wedding to Todd, but instead is trying to pay people to set him up? Seriously? You can't see how sick that is? If my mother had said or done any of the things your mother does to you, I would be forced to shut her out of my life. But guess what?? I wouldn't have to because of the mutual love and respect of a parent knowing she did a good job raising me and that I was old enough and raised well enough to make my own decisions. If you make a mistake, it's your mistake. She should be there to comfort you. There's something very wrong with your mother and I hope you are able to get her the help she desperately needs.
Well, last night gave viewers some real insight as to your state of mind - AND YOUR MOTHER'S!! I will say this, I'm glad you agreed to counseling because it's clear that you are is desperate need of it to open your eyes about your mother and yourself. You don't seem to "get" that Todd isn't going to take much more of this abuse from your mother - but you act like he (and everyone else who is subjected to it!) should just ignore it! I would love to see your reaction if Todd's mother treated you this way - I really wonder what you'd say to him? It's easy to imagine what your mother would say and do! Todd has made it clear twice on the show that he basically isn't going to take much more of this. Your friend Carmon has said as much. And yet you still defend your mother's actions! Your comment last night was so delusional - "that's the difference between friends and family - family won't leave you". So do you expect Todd to live his life putting up with that crap from your mother while you grin about it?!!! Something is wrong with you clearly. And we all know something is wrong with your mother! The fact that Todd is letting you know he'd leave if something isn't done should tell you AND YOUR MOTHER that he isn't an opportunist. Otherwise, he'd do what you want - put up with your mother for whatever he could get from you. Kandi, he isn't willing to do that - he'd rather leave.....
Kandi.............every year you amaze me. Some of the things you do seem impossible so I must ask you, is this all to get some air time because you won't really allow your mother to disrespect your man like this and get mad when he says he doesn't respect her right? You had me for a minute.....I'm like "wow she's crying and everything". Not only are you a great singer, writer and business woman...........you're a damn fine actress..........Just remember Kandi, this is reality tv so we would like to see more real issues coming from your camera time if you don't mind. You really had me fooled!
Kandi, your really need to talk to your mother, she is setting a bad example for your daughter. She is the biggest HOODRAT on Bravo. She has no respect for herself, your daughter, you and Todd. Why is she so angry? It makes no sense and it's very healthy for your relationship with Todd. I agree with Todd wanting to walk away. Maybe the best thing is for you to focus on your mother, daughter and yourself,,,,everyone can be happy. Maybe your mother may need a man herself......you know what I mean.
Kandi, Kandi, Kandi
How come you can defend your man when among friends and acquaintances but when it comes to your mom, you can't do it? All of that pent up aggression came out on pillow talk night. No amount of work till exhaustion will take away that there is an underlying issue at hand and sooner or later it needs to be taken care of, for the sake of your family and happiness.
If you were able to handle them vultures, I am sure you can handle talking to your mom with respect first and foremost, firmness and lots of love.
I'm rooting for you, girl, get it done.
Kandi all you owe your mom is your love. She cant control your life. We learn by our mistakes. Make yourself happy . If your mom loves you she will stand behind you no matter what.
My FAVE... Need I say more. I think you're an amazing person inside and out! There were only one instance when I thought you were a bit disrespectful and it had nothing to do with the altercation, but when you ladies went on that trip to Savannah and you claimed the Master Suite when the respectful thing was to give it to the host. The bigger better bedroom always goes to the host. But anyways, old news... That's the only time I scratched my head when it came to you.
I love you Kandy! I love your drive, I love your personality and I think you going crazy at the so-called Pajama party was called for. You were standing your ground.
Anyways... I wish you all the best and may blessings continue to pour into your life!
Congrats on your engagement! Can't wait to see the wedding.
You behaved very selfishly toward your castmates during the Savannah trip. I take it that's something you learned from your mother?
You continue to backstab everyone on the show except Phaedra and you think they shouldn't react. You went too far when you attacked Peter. When Cynthia reacted you got very ugly and your true self emerged. Do you seriously think that you can trash all the ladies on the show and now their husbands and they won't react? Whenever someone calls you on it, you get confrontational and way over the top loud. Your Mother does run you, your life, and certainly your money Todd must really love you to put up with all your Mother's venomous nonsense. Just how much do you love him that you allow your Mother to treat him with such disrespect and so badly. You even inflict her on your friends. This woman is out of control and your enable her bad behavior. She truly needs to see a psychiatrist based on the way she has behaved this season. Its a disgrace that you've not gotten her into some type of treatment and its a disgrace the way you allow her to bully everyone around you. That's not respecting her by allowing her to act this despicable way Your Mother needs help and that is clear to all the viewers - why isn't it clear to you?
Kandi, you and Phaedra are the greatest! I love your friendship. Both of you are successful and confident, yet you always manage to take the high road. The other girls are jealous; even Nene (Who?) Leakes.
You epitomize cool.
Girlll my mouth is still open from the way you handled yourself last night.
In the history of RHOA, that was a R-E-A-D...well done.
You even checked Todd and showed us just who the boss is. Go on with yo' BAD self.
Kandi when you come through all this drama your songs will be better than ever.
The way you got Cynthia's friend, Natalie, told on last night's episode is the way you need to get Mama Joyce told. In a respectable, yet stern, tone of course. But your mom really needs to hear the words you used in that toast of confidence you made at the winery in a serious heart-to-heart mother-daughter conversation.
Of course, your mom's opinion tops anyone's, but how and on whom you spend your money is yours---for better or worse. Your affluence is the result of sacrifice and unrelenting focus to address, perfect, continue to enrich, and wisely "share" a much-appreciated talent. There's an "old boys" expression about one's sole possession---it's yours and you can wash it as fast as you want. I know, it's a yucky way of saying, it's your life, money you earned; you spend it any way you choose.
Kandi you are a sweetheart. After watching this evenings episode at the table while at the vineyard(1-19-14) I must comment on how you handled yourself, as you always do, with grace and dignity. You're in a class all by yourself.
I realize that you an Phaedra are very busy with multiple businesses and family issues, but I wish you would blog more I get really tired of only seeing Kenya and Nene 's blogs.
Anyways... I think its a GREAT idea that you do a Housewife musical! And Nene refusing to participate is perfect, that way you can get a famous black man to dress in drag to play her (and Kenya too). The HW franchise is hugely popular and will bring in a curious crowd. You are truly talented!!!
I think your Mom is worried about the money You give HER! - she can't have any one else in the picture if she wants to continue with her "currrent allowance" and perhaps have someone else pointing out she is a dependent and wants it to continue as is!
We haven't heard from you since this blog written onDecember 1st. You cannot keep protecting your mother when she purposefully engages in such thuggish, low behavior in front of TV cameras. Mama Joyce is out of control, Kandi. Don't fool yourself, you can be respectful to her while respectfully putting her in her rightful place. I'd love to know how Mama Joyce accomplished such subservience from you as a daughter - she'd make a fortune if she wrote a book on how she managed that!
Kandi, your Mama is treating you like a controlling spouse- like she's your partner and she's entitled to everything in your life. Did you see how nervous she was about you possibly "dying" and Todd "taking the house away from her"??? She wants nothing to get in between her and YOUR money. She even stated that (in so many words) at her meeting with Phaedra! She is twisted. The sooner you realize it and keep her out of your life, the better off you'll be. She will never stop, Kandi. Never. You have to create some serious boundaries or your mother will ruin every single relationship you value. She will poison everything. I'm so sorry that you have this problem but you need to come to terms with the fact that your mother will never "allow" you to be happy. It's hard to do but please keep your Mama at a distance. You will see, it's the only way you will ever be free.
Why is Kandi so worried about Nene and Phaedra being friendly? These people need to stop acting like they are in middle school!! Also, I find it funny that Kandi did not want to work with Nene when she did the "Tardy for the Party" song with Kim but now since Nene has found fame on her own Kandi wants her to participate in a play she is creating. I don't blame Nene for not wanting to help Kandi with her play because Kandi has aligned with everyone of Nene's enemies in the past...I think she is just jealous of Nene!!!
The show was supposed to be entertaining, it's become offensive on so many levels...from watching Cynthia sit and listen to her husband express his desire to have a shack across town to Kandi acting like a character from The Color Purple when dealing with her mother. It is sad and difficult to watch. The women of Atlanta seem to have a "slave-like" mentality when dealing with the issues of life; you all have set us (women, Black, etc.) back at least ten years.
Of course your Mom loves you Kandi, but what you have are two people competing for your love. Todd should not have to . It is diffulcult for a Mom like yours with only one daughter who she has had for many years to herself. But your Mom unless she knows more about Todd than she telling hasn't given Todd a chance. Your Mom should be happy for you and could be building memories with the two of you. She somehow thinks if she puts her foot down you won't marry Todd. You are probably the most intelligent girl with a lot of street smart that if you think Todd is a good guy and someone you want to build a life with and be part of your daughters life do it . Your Mom thinks about you Kandi but I think in this case she thinking more about herself. I bet she is mad at Todd because he didn't want her to move in your 2nd new house that is attached to that one. Todd was wise to suggest that this early in your relationship . What your Mother didn't realize is that he didn't mean ever , he just meant now. I see Todd as being a great son in law down the road. Look how sweet he was in wanting to try and work things out with your Mom. He wanted you to have a wedding because he knows how important your family is to you. Todd thinks of you more than himself. Yes he makes decisions based on what is best for your relationship. Your Mother seems to be jealous of you and critical of many people in your life. Be careful she doesn't spoil your relationship because she wants you for herself. My Mother was my best friend for 27 years. She traveled with my husband and I. She never critized my husband in front of him she would in the early days of our relationship but she came to love him like a son. He was better to my Mom than any of her own sons. My husband and I subsidized my Mother's condo and she stayed with us 3-4 months a year. She truly loved him and he her. I wish that for all of you, but we got there. One one visit early in our marriage I had to tell my mother that she would have to go home from a 3 month visit if she didn't stop trying to tear us apart. She never did again. Yes I made more money than my husband and supported him but it wasn't his fault that I made more money than him. He helped me invest that money and without him I would have spent it all. You are in your thirties and you know people trust your own instincts and choose love if it is there. Love is not easy to find. Wishing you the best always.
I hope this episode was a wakeup call for Momma Joyce, who seems to admire and respect Chuck because he has money, but Chuck doesn't have an ounce of respect for her daughter, Kandi! I guess in Joyce's world, money is the only thing that matters, even if a person drags you in the mud at their expense! For some reason, I'm sure what Chuck said about Kandi still doesn't phase Joyce; neither what he said about her and her sisters. As long as he is "rich," nothing else matters! Face in Joyce, Chuck played your daughter, your sisters, and YOU!!!!!! How sad! Please forgive me, but no one is more deserving of this than the almighty Joyce! She tried to punk Todd, but Chuck punked her in the end! How does it feel now, Joyce?! I'm sure it doesn't fee too good!
Judging by upcoming clips your mother may be accomplishing what she set out to do and that is to put a wedge between you and Todd. Always love your mother that goes without saying but fast forward 25 years,do you want to be the constantly nagging, complaining meddlesome and always victimized mother to Riley that your mother is to you? Or would you rather trust your daughter to make the right decisions in her life that you have given her the tools to do so with. The really sad part is that your mom makes no attempts to hide her "what about me" attitude when it comes to your money and I think that is what disturbs me the most. Top that mess with the fact that she thought "Chuck" would have been a good catch for you. Obviously she judges men in your life solely on their success. I wouldn't trade Todd and his steadfast personality for 20 narcissistic idiots like Chuck I don't care how much money Chuck has. Good luck because you really have your hands full.
@bv I totally agree!
@Deir000 I was happy that she is getting professional help. Sometimes you need someone without a dog in the fight to give perspective.
@hawkup I understand its kandi's decision on whether she wants to 'support' or continue to give mama joyce an 'allowance' and houses BUT as a mother myself if I was mama joyce I would feel so ashamed to have my children 'supporting' me and or giving me an 'allowance' let alone their home they just moved out of that 1) could be sold and the money could be used as a down payment towards the new home they just purchased and 2) is 3 times bigger then I need since it is only myself who will be living there.
mama joyce constantly USES the excuse 'im your mama, I did this for you and I did that' therefore you OWE ME for being your mother and as a reason for kandi 'supporting' her and for giving her an 'allowance' and that is so pitiful and as a mother the ONLY THING you should feel your kids owe you is respect and their happiness POINT, BLANK PERIOD!!!!
mama joyce is the opportunist NOT todd!!
you a idiot, if the truth be told, nene is off her damn rocker, fame has went straight to her head, she has no humility. as far as kandi is concern, she dont need nene participation in nothing she does, guess what she has been very successful, without the mooses help or support this too will be another great success kandis work do speak for itself. keep hattin biatch!!!
@gina2066 It was Kim that did not want to work with Nene. Not Kandi.
cynthia has major issues that needs adressing, like how can you try and tare down somebody's thang and your poppin loose at the seam.. cynthia needs a back bone peter needs a muzzel
@tryla Oh, this comment is SO spot on!! It's become extremely offensive!!
there comes a time when you will have to set boundaries with your mother she must see and have confidence of the values she has instilled in you and you must know and trust those values, both repsecting the boundaries, and being there when your needed the most. kandi, you must separate now in order for it to workout later growth is suppose to be painful, pain is part of the process.
@sincethefirstepisode I think, more than anything, Kandi's mom is afraid that Todd will get more money from Kandi than she will. Sounds suspicious, I know, but her "me, me, me" attitude is out of line, and her visit to Phaedra to find out about ther pre-nup was underhanded and she fibbed about what Todd really said. Kandi gave her a house, for Christ's sake. I think she just wants to control not only Kandi, but Kandi's money, too. And she is the one spreading gossip. She was also really mean to Carmen at the bridal shop, and lied about that, too. Why does she lie so much?Because she is covering up her true motives, which are just about greed.