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I hope you're all having a great week! I'd like to start with something light, like how I noticed the turtles on the wall. I've been to my sister’s home a million times, and I had never noticed the TURTLES before! I was surprised to see them, and I had no idea that my girlfriend Tiffany had gifted them to her. What can I say. . .TURTLES! I love Tiffany. I love turtles! Yay!
Let's talk about how Kyle and I ended up at Taylor's! When Taylor called my home the night of my party, which from what I understand Taylor said she didn't feel it was important to show up to a nose party. Which I agree. A nose party? What she didn't know is, this wasn't just a nose party. This is the first place I've had to call home in so long I can't even remember. I have been working on putting my home together, all along keeping in mind the day when I would have my special friends together. I've been working on decorating my house and putting my garden together. I wanted to include all my friends -- from childhood on up -- and I have been working on this since the day I moved in. It was a perfect summer night to get all my friends together and this was a chance to celebrate the life changes I've made, and for them to see my home, and an opportunity for them to see how I live, AND for them to see my new nose. It was a little bit of everything, but it was very important to me. And that's what Taylor didn't know.
I was surprised by the sound of her voice on the phone, and that she was with a man we really didn't know! When she didn't know Kennedy's whereabouts, we all were very concerned. It wasn't that we were concerned about Kennedy's safety, Kennedy was here with us. I was more concerned with Taylor's state of mind.
Believe me, I know I am no Dr. Drew. Many would say it's the pot calling the kettle black, and I totally understand that. My intent was not to be judgmental or hypocritical, but to reach out as a friend, as others have done for me in the past. Taylor and I have discussed this before. I felt scared, as I don't want her to end up where I did! I've been really, really scared for Taylor. And we've discussed that between Taylor and I. Being an alcoholic in recovery I recognize some of Taylor's behavior as a red flag! As a friend I would like to help! We called Taylor and headed over to see her. I was so nervous and I told my sister on the way there that I didn't know exactly what to say, but I know I have to say something! When I sat down with Taylor, I wanted to cry because my heart went out to her. I understand where she's at and what she's going through. I opened up and told her how it affected me and my children and family. I was so relieved when she reacted the way she did and she was responsive! I was very glad we did it and I was just so relieved! You walk out the door to today I took the biggest sighhhh! I said to my sister on the way home, "Did I do that the right way???" I hope Taylor's OK with me because I care for her and Kennedy so much!
So I get a call. . .do you want to go to Paris? Well naturally, I'm a little hesitant to go on a trip with the girls!?! But then I thought YES! So exciting! This is the first trip I've been on in awhile where I'm together. I'm sober. I got a passport and driver's license! Aha!
So I started packing. . .I packed until 3 am! I was too afraid to go to sleep and miss the plane. The car picked me up and it was off to the airport! It was nice being on-time at the airport and being prepared with my passport and my driver's license in hand! It was also really nice sitting with my sister and being able to discuss with her some of the issues and things I used to do when I was drinking. It was such a relief for both of us. It feels so good not to have to keep secrets from each other any longer! As time goes on and things come out, the air gets lighter and lighter, and things get easier.
I felt so bad when Marisa called and we got the news. Such a tragedy and my condolences go to her and her family! Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
The flight to Paris was long (15 hours!) but they gave us pajamas, and we played some games to pass the time. I tried to sleep as much as I could, but didn't have much luck.
Everybody decided to meet down in Brandi's room for fireworks. I came out on the deck at Brandi's room that night, I was exhausted. I just didn't feel like myself. When Kyle called my room I told her I would be right up. I didn't feel so good. My stomach was hurting and I felt nauseous. I didn't know why. I barely slept the night before we left L.A. It had a been a long day of travelling. Still something felt wrong. I just wasn' myself and I had trouble focusing and staying alert. I was on 24 hours of no sleep.
What you didn't see is the morning after our first day, I called a doctor to come check on me. It turns out I had brought the wrong medication with me on the trip!! I had been taking it since I left L.A. Throughout the entire stay in Paris, I just didn't look or feel right. I wasn't my spunky self and my personality just wasn't me. It wasn't until I returned home that I was aware of this.
When I got back home after our trip, I slept for two whole days. Looking back on the trip, I felt lethargic and I really hadn't been myself. Every day I take more steps in my recovery, and I'm in such a better place. Looking back on this really frightened me, and watching this makes me realize how much I value my sobriety today. It makes me much more cautious, and it's not something to take lightly.
I really put a lot of thought into this blog. I take my recovery very seriously, and I just want to be very clear about this. This is my life and I love it. I am sober and it's unfortunate the way it looked, but I am proud of who I am today. And I am very grateful to all whom I have inspired, as you have been an inspiration to me.