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Brandi and I Aren't Having an Affair

Carlton wanted to have fun in Palm Springs -- and couldn't believe the way Joyce reacted to Brandi's missing pup.

By Carlton Gebbia

So this exhausting nightmare of a dinner continues to painfully crawl along with what truly feels like no resolution in sight. Just as one little fire's out another one ignites. Oh yes and where would we be without the reckless labels yet again. "Team"! "Gang"! Sometimes you just can't make a point clear when you're not dealing with the rational. That being said Yolanda and Lisa gracefully take the high road, for this was a no-win situation. And did I say bloody exhausting!?!

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Yeeeah dinner is finally over. OMG I need a drink and a bag of chocolates!

Now to go and have some fun, which is way overdue. Yes I have a great time with Brandi and as much as it looks like we are having a torrid affair, it's just silliness. It's actually a perfect place to let go, no driving, no kiddies, no responsibilities. Looks like we're not the only ones having fun, I heard there was some topless frolicking in the pool for two.

OMFG! I nearly passed out as our plan of frightening Lisa and Yolanda backfired. Brandi and I thought we were so stealth-like, but maybe the alcohol had dulled our razor-sharp senses. It did take a slight downer when Lisa took the bottle -- but they do have a history as good friends so maybe she was trying to avoid a massive hangover for Brandi. But on the flipside we were there to have fun. Sort of could see both sides on this one.

Next morning was like the Twilight Zone -- everyone was behaving rather cordial to one another. Fantastic! This may turn out to be a fun "hot as hell" day after all. The tram was amazing, the views were incredibly breathtaking, and then there were the squirrels. Love at first furry sight! A sweet couple gave us fries to feed them, but never have I experienced them literally sitting on my lap allowing me to stroke them. It was a memory I won't forget and worth the trip down for me. There may have been a split-second where they looked a little feisty but I think they were unusually friendly. I think Kim and I had a bonding moment.

She was in her moment when she knelt down and said a prayer of thanks, which happened to be next to a trashbin. As much as it may have seemed a little odd, sometimes you just have to react to the wave of emotion that sweeps over you. I think for people who have survived any addiction, you truly see the beauty around you again. And when you have a spiritual encounter no matter how small, you say thanks.

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So there was a very loud, very angry, ginormous black bee who was obviously losing his marbles at getting man-handled! It's hard to calm down a mad provoked bee. I seriously don't even know what that was. So they call me, and yes, of course, I wanted to get it out, hopefully safely for all and I do mean all...but he wasn't having it. Finally I got him outside and for a split-second I thought he maybe on the attack as we made eye contact looking into his huge black eyes. I came in peace! He took off, and I ran like hell!

Second attempt at dinner was actually enjoyable and relaxed. I think we all had a fun day -- but that all came to a screeching halt when Brandi got an awful text from her assistant. Apparently her house was broken into and one of her sons' little dogs Chica was missing! To see her devastation at being hours from home, I felt helpless for her. It was terrible to see her pain and the reality of how her sons would cope was truly heartbreaking.

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Talking head Joyce then calls Brandi a bitch! Seriously!?! She just got a call that her sons' dog maybe dead! Heartless much? But ironically, Brandi even in the midst of her despair still called her out accurately and rightly so.

The drive home was probably the longest two hour car ride for Brandi. When you're stuck in the car with horrific thoughts of what may be and just the mere idea of how to break such awful news as gently to your children as possible is devastating. The only way I could be of any help was to try and be encouraging, offering hope and prayers Chica was OK. Sadly that was not to be.

So until next week's antics, have a safe and naughty one!

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