Kyle's Bee Murder and Hair Tossing

Be forewarned this one maybe long too. . .

Last week I told you a little about my faith. Now this is about who I am sans my beliefs and an opportunity to introduce my beautiful family.

I apologize to those In advance but I do swear a lot. If you find it offensive, I'm sorry. I don't always behave accordingly. I'm not always classy and pretty. I certainly have a mouth on me. I like to drink tequila and party with my hubby and our amazing friends. I love to have fun and be silly and you will see moments of me that will probably make my own toes curl, but I can admit when I am wrong. I believe in the underdog, and I can't stand injustice or prejudice of any kind. Most importantly I live for my family. I am devoted to my husband and to my children.

This journey on RHOBH is ultimately my reality on fast forward.

Welcome to our Sanctuary. I have been designing houses with my brother-in-law for about 10 years but this one was a true personal labor of love, three years in the making. Obviously, I'm drawn to gothic architecture. I was inspired by Victorian Gothic architect and designer (amongst other talents), Augustus Pugin who was a pioneer in 19th Century gothic revival. I grew up all over England and had the wonderful opportunity to see many beautiful gothic buildings. Of course you'll notice I have an affinity for crosses. I'm Pagan so hopefully this will make sense, but I also like a lot of other religious symbols -- not just my own faiths. . .I appreciate and have respect for all religions. In a perfect world it would be wonderful if they could all coexist.

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My gorgeous Sicilian husband David is my f---ing world! We are definitely a team. We've been married for 15 years and I am still madly IN love with him! I genuinely love being around him. He's my best friend, my partner in crime. He's not the type of husband to walk on eggshells around me and he certainly says what's on his mind -- as do I, which is why we work.

No marriage however is not without its ups and downs and being together this long of course we've had our rough moments. But when you love one another hard, and you're still both invested in each other, you fight for it. I am surely the more vocally passionate between us, but if I'm being obstinate he'll definitely let me know. He's certainly no push over! He's brilliant in business and I respect his advice -- but the way he analyzes a situation and sees beyond is a bloody turn on!

We are very close with our children. I know people might have an issue with my swearing but Destiny and Mysteri don't. This is nothing new nor shocking to them. I am also constantly telling them "I f---ing love you!" It's just like an adjective or verb to me. I am not swearing AT them. There is a huge difference! I've always felt if I succeed at nothing else in this lifetime then I have succeeded at everything, the most important thing. . .creating compassionate, smart, and beautiful souls who I feel will make a difference.

Elizy is my son's nanny, and happens to also be one of my BFFs. I've known her a long time. She used to babysit for our girls when they were four and five. She is like an uncensored Tinkerbell. Elizabeth is amazing, and we obviously trust her with our precious children -- plus she's extremely entertaining. It's not unusual to see her reenacting Disney characters with our girls. She's hysterical.

OK finally done with intros. . .

I received a call from Kyle to join her for lunch or dinner. . . I was a little surprised but thought it was a nice gesture and a perfect opportunity for us to get to know one another better. Maybe I had misjudged her about her comment about Lisa. Maybe it wasn't meant as rudely as I had perceived. Also one of Kyles friends would be there, oh and Joyce would be joining us. . .Hmmm. OK. . .but then I thought it could just have simply been an off night for Joyce and Michael when I met them. Maybe they were nervous. We have all been guilty of saying dumb things -- I know I have. Either way, letting it go was a step in the right direction although admittedly my son's name incident still bothered me. What can I say? I'm in "Mama mode."  But moving on. On a positive note. . .the naked image was erased! Yeeeeay!

I arrived at Kyle's with a nice bottle of scotch in hand, smiles and hugs. It all starts rather well. Quite nice I think.

Next Joyce enters. . .god this girl is gorgeous! I am cordial. We chat for a while, laugh a little, swap kiddie stories. Then this lovely blonde enters who I met when my girls were in preschool with her son. What a small bloody world!

The four of us talk at the bar when I begin to tell a story. Yes, it may have gone on a little and I will be the first to admit it. . .But in mid-sentence of this tragic story Kyle mutters something and walks out! Mid-bloody sentence, walks out. Doesn't say "Sorry Carlton but I'm bored to death by this tragic story of how your two daughters optimistically nursed this bird back to health for a day after it had been attacked, then it suddenly died and then they solemnly buried and prayed over his dead little body!" Nope. Just turns on her heels or flats and walks out. Unbelievably rude, but why am I surprised?

She then has the three of us walking back and forth like ants setting up the table outside. It shouldn't have been that overwhelming -- it was afterall a food delivery. I did however get a giggle when I saw the name place settings. It was a table for four, it really wasn't that complicated. I was sitting next to Kyle like it or not.

It was beautiful evening outside, although a little chilly hence my bloody jacket, yet they don't seem to feel the chill in the air. But we start to laugh and exchange stories of how we met our husbands. I thought mine was involved until Joyce told hers. It went on much longer. . .you got the edited down version. And no sorry, I never envisioned my perfect man when I was a little girl. . .Or maybe I'm just still a little pissy from the other nights insult. Deep breath. Let it go!

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All of a sudden Kyle has a panicked reaction to a bee that lands on our table.

First please let me say I sincerely understand the intense fear associated with bees or wasp -- especially if you are deathly allergic and you feel like you're in immediate danger of being stung. I truly appreciate the gravity, so of course do what you need to do!

This however wasn't quite the same. . .I don't know if it was a yellow jacket or honey bee, but it was not behaving at all aggressively. It wasn't flying around them. It literally flew in and landed on our table. One would assume drawn in by the vase of roses planted upfront and center, surrounded by our food omitting a pleasant smell, and the sweet drinks!

I had no idea of what was about to happen and maybe I reacted too slowly but it was my intent to move the bee to a bush. . .Too late! Kyle shouts out "KILL IT!"  And suddenly a dead bee. Are you f---ing kidding me, I couldn't believe it!

Um. . .If you're going to sit outside during summertime dressed like a brightly colored flower and you are fatally allergic to bees, here's a thought -- lose the bloody food and roses genius. Oh and let's not forget the perfume.

And then they begin to laugh and SNORT in succession. Glad it was so amusing. Let's senselessly kill more bees who pose no sign of imminent threat to you and totally f--- up our ecosystem.

Keep in mind this was a two-hour dinner, not the minutes you're blessed with. It was much more painful. It seemed like a bloody eternity. I did try to have fun and we definitely giggled. But there were a few moments when I felt like I was watching a scene from an Austin Powers movie, when you think the joke's had its last legs and they keep laughing and laughing and. . .laughing with no end in sight, accompanied with a lot of hair flipping and swooshing. Sadly I could not participate as my hair was tied back, slicked to my head. There was to be NO hair tossing for me! I still love Joyce's hair though, it's really gorgeous.

Anyway finally it was bloody over! I left still not feeling optimistic about this one woman, sadly. I really went there hoping I was intuitively wrong but from today's experience alas no.

Please know that at the end of this whole journey Joyce and I are in a much better place -- but what I say in my blogs is accurate as to how I felt at that moment.