Recap: Cirque of Friends

Hello my little acrobats. Let's don our best heart handcuffs, get our hair straightened out, and dive into this week's episode shall we?

We open with Brandi and Carlton getting their lady friendship on at the lingerie store. Totally normally lady date right?

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Here's what I'm specifically wishing for Carlton: that you and Brandi become best friends (or perhaps maybe more) forever. There's just something about this kinship I adore. May they play together forever! I buried a crystal to make it so and everything. 

Next we see Kim regaining her youth through adult education. She wants the ladies to learn Cirque-style moves. THIS IS HAPPENING PEOPLE! Kim Richards is twisting around in fabric. 

Meanwhile, away from the acrobats Joyce and Kyle have some sexy pizza (pizzettes!) and discuss Paris Hilton's relationship status -- and the Mauricio cheating rumors, while Yolanda fights her daughters to remain in control of her hats, leather pants, sunglasses, and other ephemera while Gigi travels to London.

Then something magical happens -- Ken Todd proves his salt as the most wonderful husband on earth by surprising Lisa with something truly stupendous. You see, Ken has found a dog that is cute enough to rival the powers of the Gigster. His name is Rumpy Pumpy and he is your new obsession. Lisa Vanderpump's enthusiasm for his adorability is contagious. 

I went ahead and recapped the entire introduction of Housewives new best friend here, and I'm going to do you one more favor and link you to that salacious Urban Dictionary post here, just because I want you to know that in the future when you get a dog you should cross-reference and do some research before committing to a name.

Then it's finally time for all the women to assemble under the big top and get their circus on. Unfortunately, Brandi is feeling a little less like Kyle is her Ringling Brother in light of some tabloid gossip. But Kim Richards will not have it today. Not today. Not on Rex Manning Cirque Day!

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Let's address Kim's adorable "leave all of our stuff outside" speech. There were numbered points! She just wanted everyone to support each other today, which lasted about four seconds before Yolanda and she got into a tussle. . . Perhaps not the bonding experience Kim wanted. 

The ladies didn't exactly "get it in the back pocket, down!" but Kyle didn't get her "tweeter" chopped off either. The highlight of the evening for me was seeing Yolanda being the graceful Dutch lady we all love and sliding right off the ball. Girl knows that a fishtail braid and a full seafoam jumpsuit can makeup for whatever lack of skills she might have. 

There are hoards more GIFs of their Cirque skills here if you are so inclined. . .

But all the balls and fishtail braids in the world couldn't keep the drama at bay. And soon enough the word "bully" was back on everyone's lips. When Brandi was explaining the situation to the ladies on the mats, Kyle couldn't help but interject to say she didn't say it -- and that she wouldn't apologize for something she didn't say -- and that she was really ready for the next activity. Sadly Kyle's wish for a distracting activity led the gang to their trickiest move yet. Who would have imagined the 'Wives would survive this barrel roll? 

Kim and Yolanda managed to survive their "flametorch and icky vibe moment," but when the rest of the ladies gathered for post Cirque lunch, the drama rolled on like a Housewife doing a Cirque trust exercise. Could the couches on the rooftop have felt farther apart? Could a tweet have saved all things between Kyle and Brandi? How many tweets did the women need to heal Kyle and Lisa's wounds?

But in the middle of all that Mauricio drama, Joyce had a bone to pick -- a bone that might have charted new ground in the "topics of Housewives' drama." 

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The lesson: don't touch Lisa's hair, it's not going to turn out well. At least that's the lesson Joyce learned, that and don't talk about your period and your angst if you don't want Brandi to ask you if now is the time that Aunt Flow is in town.

What do you think guys? Would you rather be at the extravagant, obnoxious prom? Or on the roof in the midst of Hair Gate? Or in the furry arms of Rumpy Pumpy? How does my hair look? Leave your thoughts in the comments.