Lisa V.: Brandi's Behavior Was Unnerving to Watch

Hello to all of you. A week of flu, and I am almost back to normal.

This episode we lightly touch on the issue of Max's adoption. Now as many of you are aware, he has been rather resistant when it comes to being filmed too much. He is happy to do so if there are cameras and he is present, but this was different. This was a deep and poignant story, a story that started 22 years ago, when we went to visit him in his foster care home. We traveled and landed in the snowy city and met this little boy who would soon be our son.

We had always thought that we would adopt a couple of children. Ken had adopted one many years ago for his sister, who then became pregnant and now has four boys. So it wasn't something strange to our family, and we were excited to embrace him to our loving home. Pandora was six and very much believed he would be her baby.
I think the perfect example of how relevant his adoption was happened one night when we came home from dinner, and a couple who had worked for us at the house for quite a few years by then said Max was acting up, being silly, and telling them how he was adopted, which they believed to be untrue. They would've never known, they said, he was the image of his father. My point being, it was never mentioned, it was never important. If he had questions, I answered them as simply as I could, so it was rather surprising when Max came to me and inquired about his genetic heritage.

I have never encouraged nor discouraged my children to display their lives on reality television. It was me that signed up for this, and if you remember Pandora's wedding, it was filmed by us--no mics and then the footage was inserted into the episode. It was her day, and I maintained that it was her decision as to what was shown and that she was happy about it.

So I digress...Max was perfectly at ease to talk openly, and you will see how the story unfolds. I was unnerved for a second as the demand from the company was that I inserted his birth name. I had never uttered his name as I always believed it would be confusing for him to be faced with another identity, but he took all in his stride, and we proceeded with this process.

Are the children different to me? Do I love them differently? Is their a biological connection that makes a relationship stronger? I honestly don't have the answer to that. All I know is I loved them both and we had a happy family. Their childhood was idyllic, full of ponies and dogs, extraordinary experiences coupled with tactile relationships and wonderful holidays, parents that loved the experience, parents that vowed never to disturb the harmonious life they had by involving our problems, whatever they were at the time. Sometimes as siblings they would fight. Pandora believed Max to be favored, as he was exempt from blame, because he was younger, but Max would say differently. It was a vibrant household with parents at the helm who loved their children's friends and all that ensues with raising children. Yes, Max had to be pushed and encouraged much more than Pandora. I was very involved with my children's education, even worked in their school in France a few days a week for three years, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. Each child is different, each relationship varies, but one thing I know for sure is biology has little to do with emotional connections, of that Max and I are sure.
Anyway, life is riddled with choices, a smorgasbord of options and paths to take. I encourage them to be independent of me, but they know I am there to catch them if they fall, then to put them back on that slippery slope we know as life.

Now onto a rather unpleasant situation that started with good intent...the gay mixer party. I was thankful that we were all in good spirits and, for the most part, I was alleviated from the problematic situation between the sisters as I was socializing on the other side of the room. Then we insert Brandi into this complicated dynamic, and of course it becomes explosive. I have never experienced, prior to meeting Brandi (and this would be the second time), a woman exclaiming, " I will knock you f---ing teeth out."

It is ugly and uncalled for intimidating behavior that I found unnerving to watch. Kyle was inordinately upset, frustrated by Kim's reluctance to understand the damage that would transpire as the divide widened. Well we will see the path that both these stories take next week. Until then, I bid you farewell and try to keep healthy at this trying time of year when everybody seems to be coughing and sneezing!

As always...Love, Lisa.