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Well, here we are at the end of the season...the time has come to wrap it up, and I have a few things I'd like to say.
Watching tonight's episode is a bit strange, because enough time has passed and the feelings change as time heals.
At least I hope that's the case.
Anyway, here we go:
When Lisa V. shared her story about being abused by a former boyfriend many years ago, she teared up and became vulnerable. It felt like a cathartic moment at the time, and it seemed as if some of the other women didn't think she had these types of emotions. That was strange to me for several reasons and strengthened my feelings that it's more of a a cultural thing.
I've had conversations with Lisa V. on several occasions where she has been very open and vulnerable and it may be assumptive to say, but I think I get her.
I understand her English demeanor whereas there's a stoic side that keeps those feelings to a private few.
If I may say, through my travels and through my close friendships with people from other countries and cultures, our American way of expressing ourselves and sharing of oneself is quite different from the way Europeans, Asians, South Americans, etc. do.
We Americans are so colorful with our expression of emotions. It seems as though we gage and can possibly judge other people based on what they show us and how they portray their feelings. This doesn't work universally.
Just look at us as a nation...how different we are from region to region. We communicate so differently in our own country. I feel the need to say this, because I think it's helpful in understanding people in times of conflict.
When Eileen said that she feels as though she turned into the bitch and that she never wanted to be that, I believe her.
I don't think Eileen ever wanted to start a war with Lisa V. but attempt, after attempt to get an apology and then the lack of the apology morphed into a much greater offense... it just felt like a stern browbeating.
The "affair" word in the Hamptons can easily be misconstrued by both sides, and for that reason, I do believe that it was lost in translation.
On to Erika and I.
I will take full blame for my bad judgement and actions as to the way I handled the situation. It was a poor choice made on my part, and I own it.
I wish I would have made other choices, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20, and ultimately I paid a dear price for what felt like a misdemeanor that turned into a felony. I won't ever make that mistake again.
I do wish that I would have stopped the conversation and spoke up to the fact that I wasn't co-signing on the talk.
It took me by surprise, because all I had seen and heard up to that point was niceness, and it all seemed so shady from that moment on, and I didn't understand it.
I never went to Lisa V.s house with "intent." I'm not that girl.
I prefer to say what I think to someone's face, not behind their back. I don't think there is anything that can't be talked out and resolved, even if the final decision isn't agreeable to both parties, at least we know where we stand and it's all on the table.
There were other things Erika said that I didn't repeat but were seen in the episode. Those are the things that hurt Lisa V.'s feelings, not the web comment.
It's funny, looking back on it...Lisa V. never gave Erika a hard time about it, but it sure morphed into a big deal for me.
Lisa V. was inquisitive as to why Erika felt the need to warn me, but there wasn't any payback or punishment towards Erika for the comment.
Most importantly, Erika and I put it back together, we laughed and had fun. She was a good sounding board for me on several occasions while we were in Dubai, and I enjoyed the time we spent.
Consequently, I must say I was hurt and disappointed by the way she talked about me in her interviews. Those were very harsh, hurtful words in my opinion and I would never say them about someone I have a friendship with.
I know the timing of the interviews, and it begged the question as to when they were made in relationship to our making up.
For those who are curious...I shared my feelings with Erika and told her how I felt about it all. She told me that the "c" word isn't a big deal and that it doesn't have the same harsh meaning that it used to have for a lot of people. The bottom line is that it does/did to me, and it is/was hurtful.
I'm not going to get into Muchausengate, that ship sailed for me a while ago, and I really hope it never comes back.
We spent so much time talking about who said what to whom and who manipulated who into saying things.
It took up a lot of time that could have been better spent.
I came into the group mid-way through the season and tried to understand the dynamics on my own. I was happy to navigate the waters alone, because I prefer to observe the way people act and react and come to my own conclusions.
It's an interesting group to say the least. There are a lot of personalities and a lot of egos.
Success and money only magnifies who someone really is...we don't all have to like each other, but respect is a necessity.
When a group of smart, beautiful and motivated women come together, it is powerful. You can do much if you unite and have a common goal or you can tear each other down.
Sadly, I think too much was spent on the latter, but as Scarlett O'Hara once said,"After all, tomorrow is another day."
It's never too late to fix something and do it better the next time.
As I come to a close on my last blog for the season, I have to say that I really liked the way Andy ended it by asking us to say one word about the person to our right.
We all found something nice to say and the words rang true to each woman's character.
I was happy to hear the word "sweetness" that Erika chose for me. It really is who I am, most of the time.
And I meant the word "genuine" in my description of Eileen. She has stayed true to who she is.
On that note, I close by saying thank you so much for watching. I've had fun and have made some valued friendships.
I've enjoyed meeting a lot of people who have approached me while I'm out and about, and I've taken so much from the people who have shared their stories that parallel my own.
It's rewarding for me to feel like I've connected with people and if I was able to help in any way, then I have received far more than I had hoped for and I am grateful.
Ending on a positive note:
Everything we need to be happy are the things that are free...be kind, be loving and help each other. It's that simple.
All the best!