Cary: I Have Owned My Past
Cary opens up about her relationship with Mark, her nursing passion, and what it's really like to be a Real Houswife.
Here we are at last: the finale of season one of The Real Housewives of Dallas. Thank you all for letting us into your homes over the last 10 weeks and watching us on this journey. What a journey it’s been!
There’s really no way to be prepared for something like this -- at least for a Newbie like me. I’ve loved watching the Real Housewives for many years. But it’s so much harder to be a part of it than I ever could have imagined. Along the way, there’ve been great ups and horrible downs. After we first started, I actually had a complete panic attack meltdown and it took my stepson to calm me down and assure me everything would be ok.
I’m going to tackle the bad first. Let’s see…I have been repeatedly called a husband stealer and subsequently a homewrecker…Mind you, this has all been said behind my back. Never to my face; even when I went asking in the final episode to get issues out in the open. There’s this popular phrase out there these days: own your sh--. Well, I have owned my past. I’m the one who put it out there. I was married twice before. My husband Mark was married before. He was married when we met. We worked together. We ended up dating and getting married. I have owned all of that. It’s all true. But I can’t own up to something that didn’t happen. Now, re-watching the episodes, no one has actually said Mark and I had an affair. But it’s been implied and I’m sure a lot of the audience has assumed it because several people have made a point of putting innuendo out there. But the truth is relationships come and go. Unfortunately, marriages end; of course it would be convenient and easy if the marriage between me and Mark was our first and only one; but as everyone out there knows life frequently isn’t that simple. In our case, it took a long time for the right people to find each other and to figure out they were right for each other. But I’m so thankful everyday for the life I share with my amazing husband!
I have been called evil…Well, I’m trying to figure that one out. Here is who I am...I’m a devoted wife; I am a mom to a great baby (now three-year-old) girl; I am also a stepmom to two amazing teenagers; I’m a professional with a career; I've done medical missions in third world countries and operated on people who don't have access to the same health care we have here in the United States. To put the fragility of life in perspective, I've held a 14-year-old boy while he died on the operating table from a gunshot wound. In addition to operating with my husband, I have long been a registered nurse surgical first assistant for one of the busiest breast cancer (mastectomy) surgeons in Dallas (who actually just recently retired after filming wrapped) -- I know you haven’t seen all of my life, but it’s part of who I am. When people say bizarre stuff about the "charity world" and about my personal life, I'm at a loss. To me, a big part of being charitable is about staying above the fray and living a meaningful, peaceful, giving life, and doesn't include weird threats and trivial drama. I’m really not writing this to talk myself up, but, I do feel compelled to convey my real world perspective. I chose a long time ago, to have a career dedicated to patients and caring for people -- it's really hard for me to hear people talk nonsense and waste the platform we’ve been given.
I have been called a narcissist…Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about narcissists: Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement. I think that could just as easily describe at least one other person on my cast…
In the final scene, I feel like I am on the attack and I don’t really like to see that side of me. Quite honestly, I was forced into that position by the gossiping that was becoming rampant. I was really just looking for honesty. If someone is talking about me behind my back, I want them to have the courage to tell me to my face, so that the issue can be resolved. My only disappointment with the season, is that I have not yet gotten that closure.
Enough with the negatives; there has been so much I’ve enjoyed about being involved with The Real Housewives of Dallas!
You’ve seen my relationship with my husband playing out both at home and at work. I think the fact that we have been friends for so much longer than we have been a couple, makes our relationship dynamic that much deeper. We both had a lot of fun filming together. We were so true to ourselves in conveying the playfulness that we have with each other. I’m sure some of you were turned off by us, but I wouldn’t want our relationship to be any other way. There is so much happiness and joy and love between us. And by the way, almost all the shopping I do really is with Mark by my side -- but it’s only once or twice a year; it’s because I hate to shop and would only wear yoga clothes. Thank God he helped me build a wardrobe or I wouldn’t have had anything to film in!!!
Also on the plus side, I have made some really great new friends along the way. There’s no way you can be on a journey like this with four other strong women without forming some really tight connections. This season officially ended many months ago and I still talk with members of my cast every day! We have all been through a lot together, and I am so thankful to have the strength and support of some really amazing women! I wish ALL of my cast members only the best.
I try my best every day. That’s all any of us can do. We all make mistakes; we all have flaws. Watching this season, I have learned a lot. There are certainly some things I wish I could take back. I think I’m funny, but clearly, some of my sarcasm comes across as negative or stuck up or annoying. Specifically, some viewers have taken comments I made about Mark as being my wife as negative; Mark was actually there during many of my confessionals and he was laughing about it. We both thought it was unique and cute and fun. But people see what they want to see. In life, for many people the glass will be half full; but, for some, half empty. I’m sorry for any negatives, I really am, but I can only be me. Like I said I’m trying my best.
It’s been a privilege to be part of the Real Housewives. I hope that I have connected positively with most of you. There will be always be some negative people out there and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about that. I really have been honest and just done me! If I’m fortunate enough that this journey will continue, I look forward to visiting all of you again in the future. Either way, it’s been an incredible adventure.
Cary Christensen Deuber
