Again, WOW. What a crazy ride this has been (and I thought growing up on the carnival was rough). Rough as it was, this one was better than any carny ride I’ve ever been on. I’m so thankful to you all for welcoming us into your lives for the last several weeks.
Let’s just get into it, shall we?
There are so many assumptions floating around about my relationship that are JUST that: assumptions. Everyone on the planet keeps asking, “Why hasn’t Rich asked you?”, “When is he going to ask you?” Guess what, maybe I’m not ready? Don’t you think we have discussed marriage after our years together? Let me clear up any confusion: this decision goes two ways. Let’s let all these theories take a back seat, because maybe I’m the one who said, “I’m not ready to be married.” I want the day that we walk into that church to be a day when we are both ready for it equally. That takes a 50-50 decision. We’re on our way there, but please let us worry about that. You relax and just enjoy the show. Who’s knows what you might see if we do a Season 2!
As you saw,Cary and I got into it about the rumors that I DID NOT start. These rumors have been going around Dallas for the last 10 years. To elude that I started them is WRONG. When I am asked what I know of someone, I’m going to answer with the information that I have been given. That is what I knew of them. I never claimed it to be fact, ONLY what I have heard!
I’ll say this. It was very hard to follow Cary’s story, regarding anything, including me. How many times did she flip flop between being proud of me for fighting through my childhood, to saying I’m a social climber, and then saying how none of that stuff matters? I gotta say. It looks like a zigzag line at this point; at least I stay in one direction. When I apologize, I mean it. It’s a conscious decision. When I apologized to Cary and Mark, I meant it. I NEVER wanted to hurt Cary. I wanted for Cary to be open about her story, and yet to this day, we still haven’t heard all of their story, have we? If you are going to dissect and demean my “story” shouldn’t I at the very least be told yours? Also, if you have heard certain rumors being spread about you, why wouldn’t you go straight to the source yourself? Why wouldn’t you just come to me? I mean, this door swings both ways, honey.
I think that when Cary walked off set she was being more dramatic than I have EVER seen Cary be. I’ve never seen Cary be that dramatic in my whole time of knowing her. I was really kind of confused by all her drama. It was a little big for the situation, I thought; however, in the end, when she told me that it had hurt her, then YES I felt compassion. I don’t ever want to see someone in pain.
I could tell when Cary was suddenly being completely genuine. It happened without me expecting it and it caught me off guard. THE MOMENT she finally let her real self out was the moment I responded, because I could read it. Even when Cary was crying, her walls were still up. The moment they came down, is when I reached out and we met eye to eye. Then I asked her if I could hug her. I connected with her at that moment - it was almost magnetic. The second I connected with her, I was able to have empathy and genuinely want to hug her and say I’m sorry. Because I DON’T want to hurt anybody.
Stephanieand I did not get along during the Reunion. When I wanted to hug Cary, I felt a sense of honesty and change. I wanted to absorb her hurt. But then, Stephanie’s eyes rolled. I mean, here we go AGAIN. It’s NOT a surprise that the moment I am finally able to connect with Cary, Stephanie throws a kink in it. She didn’t HAVE to roll her eyes and act like my hug wasn’t sincere. Do you know how hard it is to swallow pride and hug it out like that, especially on national tv? I don’t think she does. If she did, she would have just let it go. She would have let us have our moment. But instead, she couldn’t handle that sincerity, that realness. It’s scary that the divide comes from the quiet ones.
When I sawMarie walk into the Reunion, I felt nauseous. I mean, I haven’t seen her face or been in her presence for over a year, and my life has been happier for it.
Tiffanyis an angel. And a badass.
It was time for Tiffany to let it out. You guys want to act like I’m some bully who bosses her around? HELL NO! She is a FEISTY, compassionate woman. The other girls can’t handle it, because it’s honest, and she truly calls them on their shit. Tiffany is trustworthy. And they are scared of that genuineness. I’m thankful for her relationship, because I love having genuine people in my life.
LAP DOG, MY ASS.
Did you not notice the times that Tiffany disagrees with me? She has her OWN opinions. PLEASE take note of those. There are many times when Tiffany makes it clear that she is her own person, with her own opinions. That is how I know she is real with me. That is why we get along. Because I can trust that she will call me on my shit.
Moving on. THE FRIGGIN’ POOP STORY.
DID IT HAPPEN? Hell Yes.
Would I like to have a bottle of wine and laugh about it? Hell Yes.
I mean, this is NOT an uncommon occurrence. Everyone, even over the age of 4, has had some sort of accident like this. It’s a thing. GET OVER IT. It’s not about the story. It’s about who told it, but even more importantly WHY they told it. And MORE importantly, they LIED about it and WHY. (That motivation is unsettling to me). And she CONTINUES to lie about it TODAY.
Number one, that she was the one who spilled the infamous poop story and it be brought up, and two, that she has hired a team to sabotage Tiffany and I on social media. Like, WTF? You honestly care to SPEND money on sabotaging people just because you don’t like? I mean, what the hell? No-WHO the hell does that? UNLESS you have something to hide…
Could I ever reconcile with her? NO. But what I find hilarious is when Marie goes NUTS on camera and basically admitted to her social media scheme and THEN says, “Oh I would love for us to one day come to respect one another,” BLAH BLAH BLAH. You can’t respect someone who spends money trying to destroy you on social media, “friend.” That is a permanent severance. More evidence of her LIES!
Since the reunion, she has done a hundred times WORSE. So, it doesn’t just end with the social media. Just like Tiffany said, Marie is a “dangerous woman.”
Looking back, I find it flabbergasting that the girls chose to focus on the story rather than the betrayal. More interesting though, was how the women chose to focus on my reaction to the betrayal rather than the betrayal. Biased, much?
I went into the Reunion telling myself I would not get upset and allow someone to push my hurt buttons. I had a lot that I wanted to say that I didn’t like, “Cary, how about stepping in to take action if you were so worried about Marie? Why not DO something other than record it on your damn phone?” You really MUST have been SO scared as to get out your smart phone to document the special occasion.
I do want to make something clear: I am NOT done beating myself up for Austin. I’m sure it’ll be years before I’m done punishing myself for that. But, I can handle it. The part I can’t handle is reliving the betrayal. For two years, I’ve been listening to people telling me about Marie’s whispers, and I would take up for her.
Finally, Marie has shown her ugliness to the other girls to the point where I think a normal conversation can take place about who Marie really is.
My relationships with the other girls are in a good place, I think. At least a good place for healing. I’m thankful for this show, the friendships, and the lessons.