The good (the Grand Velas Resort in Riviera Maya, Mexico, and tequila), the bad (constant bickering) and the tacky (the dildo)! The trifecta that makes up the perfect storm to begin our “friendship rehab” vacay! I was remiss to have any hopes of a relaxing drama-free week with these ladies — I mean DIVAS! This crew does NOT do any relaxing; they do drama with a capital D!
The trip began with a delicious lunch on the beach of tacos, bugs, and tequila tasting. No surprise that I was the only one who ate and enjoyed the extra crunch! I am used to eating all kinds of crazy creatures from my world travels. A worm or cricket isn’t going to faze me, and when fried, they taste like popcorn with the extra added bonus of a protein punch. Yummy!
Bugs weren’t the only thing that didn’t startle me. The dildo, meant to throw me off and give me a hissy fit, just made me giggle. Brandi and Stephanie thought I had a major stick up my a--, and they learned that I am actually a lot of fun! I am no stranger to pranks. I mean, come on — I went to Sweet Briar, an all-women’s college. We pranked each other constantly.
Was I surprised to see the dildo in my bag when I opened it? Sure. Did I know that they wanted a reaction and were trying to get one out of me? Absolutely! Did I give them what they wanted? Oh, no. Not this girl! Unfortunately for Kameron, since I wasn’t flustered, Brandi’s target was on her back next.
Watching Kameron being chased by Brandi with the dildo was funny at first. Then, after Kam made it very clear she was uncomfortable and disgusted, it went too far. Even Cary agreed that it crossed the line. That should tell you something.
Kameron explained that she was not used to that kind of “play” among friends, and as a mother, she didn’t think it was appropriate. To each her own. Leave the girl alone! She made an effort to explain to Brandi in a non-threatening way why she was upset and didn’t think it was fun, but Brandi blew it out of proportion, saying that Kam was not her kind of fun. Once again, we find ourselves in an ALL OUT WAR!
When Kameron said to Brandi that she wasn’t “raised like that," she didn’t mean it as a dig, just that she was raised more conservatively than Brandi. She even tried to explain. She simply meant that she wasn’t raised on potty humor and didn’t find this sort of thing amusing. The conversation could have been squashed there on the beach like the dead bugs, and we all could have moved on and enjoyed our trip, but of course, Brandi had to bring it back up at every available opportunity to get at Kameron. It’s the never-ending poking of the bear. And the bear is going to poke back someday — trust me!
While drama ensued in the Presidential Suite, LeeAnne Locken and I were happy as two clams in our comfy room down the hall. I was overjoyed when she told me that Rich had proposed to her. And yes, I teared up, which is NOT something I do frequently. I was moved that she shared her secret with me privately before telling the other women, and I am truly happy for her. I know this is what she has been wanting and what she deserves. I know she loves Rich, and he loves her, and I can’t wait to be there as they exchange vows and make it official…and help to party plan, of course!
LeeAnne and I have a special bond as only children without children of our own. We both want and need that special partner to share our lives and our golden years with. I found my love, Jeremy, and LeeAnne was there by my side at my wedding. I have been waiting for Rich to take the plunge and make LeeAnne his wife, and I am filled with joy and happiness for my best friend. I wish her and Rich all the joy and happiness that Jeremy and I share!
Now, back to the DRAMA! No sooner do we begin the beautiful beachside dinner that Cary and I so meticulously planned in order to move on from Dildogate than we are back in the midst of the class war. There’s really no moving on with this crew. We like to ruin every dinner, one course at a time. Brandi had a few drinks and she went into full-on battle mode with Kameron. Cary, who is supposed to be Kameron’s friend, didn’t do her any favors by telling Brandi that Kameron said she lived on the outskirts to her at dinner.
Kameron and Brandi are very different women. They run in different circles and have very different tastes. Does living in Highland Park versus living in the suburbs determine if you have class or grace? No. Does bringing it up ad nauseam? Yes! As Kameron said, money or a silver spoon does not determine whether or not you have class. Your decisions and actions determine that.
Did Kameron slightly overstep her boundaries when questioning the parenting behind going to a strip club? Possibly. Do I blame her? No. She was frustrated at being the punching bag, and she was ready to fight with Brandi. She’d had enough and was giving Brandi a taste of her own medicine. Those were fighting words. Kameron will be pushed only so much, and then she retaliates with an equally adept tongue lashing.
Dinner number two was planned by Brandi, and we headed into the Bat Cave where more capers continue. I didn’t dare hope for anything less than a spectacle and was treated to a game of Two Truths and a Lie! This time, it was Cary who lit the fire by bringing up the conversation that LeeAnne had with Brandi at her doctor’s office. I think she was hoping that Brandi would come to her defense, and it would be an all-out assault on LeeAnne, but truth is stranger than fiction, and Cary was the one caught off-guard and in a lie of her own.
Upon hearing Cary recount the conversation that LeeAnne had with Brandi, we learned that she completely blew it out of proportion! Not once did LeeAnne threaten to kill her or reference strangling. These are comments Cary twisted around and spread to cause damage to LeeAnne. And, to get back at her, Cary added the ridiculous rumor about Rich’s penis size. Really? For someone who was apparently sooo upset about the things being said about her husband, she was very quick to talk about LeeAnne’s man behind her back.
Suddenly, the tables turned, and BAM! Cary was fighting a battle with Brandi! (You just can’t make this stuff up!) She and Brandi were going at it about Brandi’s doctor having killed someone on the operating table. Did Cary not cop to this in order to save the doctor’s reputation? Who was telling the truth? I can make an educated guess, but I'll leave it for you to decide after a tequila shot or two. Bottoms up!
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