Saddle up y’all! The bullshit has hit the fan, and the BLAME RODEO is ON.
BLAME, Part 1:
Every one of my red flags was set off when I saw the girls preparing to have lunch together. I could already hear in Stephanie Hollman’s tone her anticipation to blame me for anythingBrandi Redmond has done againstCary Deuber or herself. When Brandi made the “nanny” comment, it was meant to be hurtful towards Cary because Brandi was hurt by Cary’s comments in Mexico. So, how exactly is that my fault?
IT JUST IS,LeeAnne Locken. ACCEPT IT.
So, then Brandi walked in, and the compliments started pouring. “Pretty in pink,” “Gorgeous,” Oooooooh Ahhhhhh. I don’t know about y’all, but I felt a really big setup coming on. Cut to Cary in her confessional forgiving Brandi because she loves her. Man, put on your boots because the bullshit is about to get deep. Then, Cary said, “LeeAnne has Brandi twisted in the head!” Uh... Cary, how did I get her “twisted” in her head? Are you (once again) saying that one of your friends is that dumb? Much like you said about Steph last week? Goodness - you have a very low opinion of your “friends.” When my friends make choices, I trust that they are capable of doing so because they want to, and they’re adults. I do not discount their decisions and brush them off - I hold them accountable, but most of all, I know they know the right thing to do. And unlike you, I trust that in them.
Hold onto your hats, y’all! Apologies are heavily one-sided with this group. Brandi apologized to Cary (once again), and Cary (once again) offered no apology back. Steph then chimed in and said that it’s not like Brandi and that it’s more LeeAnne. Really? If your grocery is out of something, are you gonna blame me for that too, Steph? When Brandi brings up that Cary said she would never be friends with them, did you hear an apology from her to Brandi? NOPE. Only one thing is mentioned that they love to use as backup: LeeAnne.
IT JUST IS, LEEANNE. ACCEPT IT.
BLAME, Part 2:
FACTS TO FOLLOW:
Cary walked off the boat BEFORE ME. So, how was I already there in her story at this lunch?
Cary claimed that I said, “Those girls will never have friends or be in the charity world.” LIE.
Here’s the REAL dock conversation:
Kameron: “You guys have to stop with that stuff because it makes me crazy!"
LeeAnne: “It makes you crazy; it ruins our reputation!"
There it is. In writing for you.
Cary’s biggest lie: that I smirked on the dock. HA! Not only do I not “smirk,” but it was so dark you couldn’t even see my face. When she said, “She got me,” I was flabbergasted. Honestly. So let me get this straight. Now, it’s also MY FAULT that Cary said she didn't want to be friends with them? How does she do it? Y’all, I had no idea I was this good. I mean, what’s next? Politics?
What really astounds me then, is how Cary actually convinces Brandi that it was all my fault, and of course, Steph couldn’t help but to chime in with, “LeeAnne is rude and makes shit up.” Whoa, for a second I thought you were describing your own confessionals, Steph! Just play it back. Watch how horrible you appear, and just try to be proud of that. In the end, you really validated my costume choice with your words and actions this season.
BLAME, Part 3:
And now, for the worst part: Brandi totally lying to Cary and Steph.
Her lies really cut to the core. This is how I’m treated after all the times I stood up for and honored what I thought was our friendship. The truth: I NEVER ask(ed) anyone to give up friendships. EVER.
In her confessional, Brandi asked if I was using her. ...For what? This season has been one big “Brandi-uses-LeeAnne” season, where she then turns on me every time it’s convenient. But it’s fine. Go ahead and use your LeeAnne default. I’m accepting it more and more with each paragraph.
Watching the conversation between D’Andra and Dee melted my heart. I know that all D’Andra has ever wanted was her mother's approval and unconditional love (I really related to that). To see Dee hand her that key means the world to me. Their bonding as mother and daughter fills me with so much joy for them - and hope for me and my mom!
As I walked into therapy with my mother, I was both excited and terrified. The part of me that wants so badly to have a mother-daughter relationship was terrified that the hurt part of me would never let that happen. For the first time, though, hearing my mother say that she hurt when she left me and that she did want me, was soul shattering. It shook me to the core and allowed me to start seeing my mother differently, which has allowed us to really work on our relationship. She is the only mom I will ever get. She is only the mom I want.
On to the engagement party.
Why on God’s green earth would they even bother coming to my engagement party, if they all thought I was so threatening and manipulative? I laughed so hard when Cary said that the reason she came was because she respects Rich. Wait, was I the only one who thought Cary’s “joke” (RUMOR) about Rich was completely DISrespectful? You don’t just get to redefine the word so you can go to an engagement party and feel good about it. Not only that, but she then made a joke about how many times I have threatened to kill Rich? WHAT? Okay, how is it that you can both joke about “my anger” and feel threatened by it? Me thinks she doth protest too much!
Now let’s talk about the conversation that was as choppy as the ocean in Mexico. I pulled Brandi aside to genuinely thank her for a friendship that I realize now never existed. I told her I was going to give to her my heart (not something I ever do lightly), and then I ended it like I often do in an uncomfortable/vulnerable situation: with a joke that is now being twisted into a threat. GOODNESS. Who doesn’t have a sense of humor now, dildo divas? This breaks my heart!
Let’s cut to the brunch.
Steph: “It’s not fun to be talked about and ridiculed.” Again, I BEG of you, watch your own confessionals. In every single one, you do EXACTLY THAT.
Cue Brandi, calling bullshit WHILE she bullshits. That is some serious talent. Go back and watch the footage, friends. I have NEVER told Brandi not to be friends with anyone, ever. However, I did say that I wanted what was best for her. When Brandi said I manipulated the situation between Cary and Kameron in Mexico and that I said they were gonna ruin our reputation - WRONG. All this twisting and turning of the truth is one thing in particular: exhausting.
Back to the dock.
I walked off the boat to Cary crying and Kameron calling them trash. I tried my best to defuse the situation so that we could all get in a bus to take an hour ride back to the hotel - in peace. For Brandi to imply that I basically STARTED the conversation on the dock is just inaccurate and frankly, a lie. That’s not fair, at all. Both Cary and Kameron were already down there in full conversation. When I denied that I said, “They would ruin our reputations,” it’s because I didn’t say those EXACT WORDS. Y’all, words MATTER. When I agreed with Cary on the dock, I was saying THEIR BEHAVIOR is the problem - not them. But nobody really cares to know that. They just love to jump on board with drama and take it out to sea.
Cary: “I don’t remember verbatim because I don’t sit there and listen to stuff.” LOL. So, let me clear this up. You don’t remember verbatim. You know that you don’t know exactly what was said. BUT YOU REPEAT IT to everyone? How can you repeat something, if you don’t sit there and LISTEN? Either way you look at that, it’s messed up and irresponsible. Then, we heard her confessional voiceover speak the truth: “She's the one who said their behavior is going to ruin our reputations.” AHA! SEE? Never said it the way Brandi wanted me to own it. Now, let’s watch the footage being used out of context to make a point that never existed.
When Brandi screams, “As GOD as my witness,” I realize, He is all of our witness, and there’s no way He’s proud of what He saw at that table. Not a chance.
So, there it all is. I’m at the end of my rope, and I’m done wrangling and being wrangled. This rodeo has me in tears, with a weakened heart, and sheer exhaustion. The question is, how important is it for me to be a part of this group that only wants to focus on my flaws?
Finally a light at the end of the RODEO!
Get a sneak peek behind-the-scenes at the reunion below now: