Young at Heart

Hello Miami-ers!

We're diving even deeper into the murky waters of South Beach this week, and again things are not always as they seem. Is that a jellyfish beyond that coral reef, or just a lazy artist playing piano and drinking ginger ale? Are those your real friends are will they call your fashion choices Lady Gaga-esque behind your back? Are those paper flowers, or did you just create them with a magic spell Elsa? Let's find out.

We begin the episode with a little morning-after girl talk about the gala. I love that all the gals admit to being a touch on the over-hung side, except Lea, of course, because she's all business. This takeaway though, is Marysol's fabulous studded outfit. Remind me to put on something more bedazzled the next time I'm hungover. Surely, I will feel better.

The thing about this particular Housewives that I adore is the dancing! Even if you factor in the choreographed moves of our performing Housewives, Miami is still climbing the charts as show with the most dance moves per minute of any RH incarnation. When Cristy gets bored with the conversation at dinner: it's time to dance. Why is Lea worried about Adriana? Because of the dancing! If I had a dollar for every problem that was promenade-related, I would have two dollars.

Dear readers, can you believe it took me three whole paragraphs to discuss Elsa? Me either. Truly, she's a gem of a human being. I even did a little miniature golf clap when she appeared before me in her champagne duster/nightgown/dress situation (which yes, you do look good in Elsa). Then I realized she was about one oversized goblet of wine to the wind, and the scene had nowhere to go but up. The silk flowers! The self-professed witchery (I think that's the technical term)! Her distrust of the cleaning habits of the French! You spoil us, producers! This much Elsa goodness is almost criminal.

As a friend and I discussed last night, more Elsa is never enough. I'd be fully comfortable in replacing pretty much any cast member of any non-Bravo television show or other piece of cultural goodness with Elsa (and apparently Marysol agrees, as her blog mentions that perhaps someone who's name rhymes with Smoan Smivers should watch their back). We could start with Practical Magic, because she'd be familiar with the material, and that movie is always delightful. We will not recast the role of Mark Feuerstein.

We also spent times with the tots this week. Larsa's brother drives about as well as I did (which is not so good), and Peter looks to be about as good on those stair-stepper machines as I am (which is also not so good). Conclusively this places me in the fitness and vehicular skill levels of a teenage boy. I however don't have the income as I have neither bought a suitor a ring on credit lately, or snagged a sweet Toyota because my uncle is a Hall of Famer. Scottie, call me. I'm a Bulls fan through and through.

Adriana's gallery show also went about as jerkily as Peter on that stair-stepper. Though I dug the sort of magic eye meets Andy Warhol art she showcased, people were less than pleased that Adriana showed up so late. Or that she happened to let another artist strut his stuff during the showcase. I really thought Marco's friend Tommy was going to go off the deep end, perhaps pulling a Thomas Crown Affair (that's the legal term) and stealing the paintings back. Or it might have been a Batman-style scenario (the 1989 version, of course), with Tommy playing the Jack Nicholson/The Joker and rougely signing the paintings as his own. Luckily, Tommy proved to be only slightly more level-headed and left the Pollock-esque work of Yves alone.

But the drama had also spilled into the streets. As Cristy and Larsa left Adriana's event, the full-out smack-talking began. Perhaps it was the rolling highway and the dashboard lighting, or perhaps it was the chatter, but all I could think of was driving around in high school and when girls truly assert their queen bee status. What young girl didn't want to be immortalized in painting like Cristy and Larsa did?

So the moral of the story this week is the young, or the young at heart, rule the roost. Stay alive with vigorous dancing, safe driving, and sweet threads, and you too can live a full life until next week's episode.