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This episode was a difficult one to watch, since the day before I went to see Adriana my mother almost passed on before my eyes. I had gone to visit my mother at the hospital as I did every day. When I arrived my brother was crying and said something is wrong with mom she's not responding, she won’t look in any direction or acknowledge that anyone is in front of her. We continued to look at her and say, "Mom it's me, can you see me or hear me?" and there was no response. We called her doctor who then called a code blue and one after another doctors and machines came running into her room until 17 people were inside trying to revive her. My family and I cried and prayed for 40 minutes as we feared the worst was occurring. Those 40 minutes felt like an eternity, but all of our prayers were answered and mom came to.
This year has been an extremely emotional time in my life, I try so hard to be strong and tell myself, "Everyone loses a parent(s) and they get through it and you can to." I have run the gamut of emotions feeling positive, negative, angry, sad, irrational, and unable to eat or sleep. What I have practiced the most is visualizing my mother happy, talking, dancing, and laughing in hopes that these positive thoughts will heal her. I just don't know what to do anymore, but to stay positive and pray.
I went to Adriana's house to take her my mother's wedding mantilla, which she told me before she fell ill that she wanted Adriana to use during her ceremony. My mother had used that same mantilla at her wedding 56 years earlier. Anything and everything my mother ever wanted has now become so important to me to see that it happens. These are the things that make me feel as though she with me and a part of my life while she is absent.I have thrown myself into my work and helping with the wedding when I am not at the hospital. I feel that if I keep extremely busy, thoughts of doubt that my mother will not recover will not enter my mind.
When Lisa invited Alexia, Adriana and myself to meet her out for a fun girls night, I was really looking forward to it. Some of the most difficult times for me are when I lie in bed at night thinking about my mom unable to sleep. When we arrived at the club, I quickly realized Lisa was staging an intervention to get everyone to make up. The other ladies Lisa invited were not happy to see us and made it very obvious as did we. No one was ready to make amends yet, but I tried to enjoy the evening regardless. I for sure was not going to let my evening be a bust, and at this point any moment of distraction and happiness is a blessing.
As I watch the show I'm discovering many conflicting stories that have me a bit confused. This season is going to be one for the books to say the least.
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