Teresa: "It doesn't matter how old you are, it's good to see yourself on TV and grow from it."
Andy: "See, Caroline, even at your age."

"No, sometimes you scare me."

"He introduces a stream of girlfriends to me. Some as baby mamas. . .What do you think he said? He said no."

"Some people might think we're alike, but I think that we struggle so much because we're incredibly different on the inside."

Melissa: "And I didn't say to you like 'Hey, 'Fabulicious,' why did you only pick one daughter, you know? I wouldn't say that to you."
Teresa: "Well you just did."

Andy to Melissa: "Did you ever worry about Joe's secretaries?"
Melissa: "No, because I pick them all."

Melissa: "You wanna see an a--? I'll show it to you."
Andy to Melissa: "Is that because you used to be a stripper?"

"Oh, was that Kathy's piece? I wasn't paying attention."

"This is not your average 'Hey, you know, your sister-in-law's an a--,' it's 'Your sister-in-law was giving b--- j-- in a parking lot.' WOAH. Get up and flip the table like it's Danielle Staub."

Andy to Teresa: "You hold on to some things."
Teresa: "I've learned not to."
Andy: "Like, in the last half hour?"

"When you go on 'American Idol,' you have to be what? 20-something?"

"That is a blatant, downright, fabrication, lie."

"That is kinda yucky, just so you know."

"Joe-mance!"

"Honestly, I think the both of yous look like a couple of jacka--es, just keep talking about the same thing, it doesn't make sense."

"Yeah, but if it's poison, and you spread the poison, knowing that it's poison, aren't you as guilty as the person starting with the poison?"

"You guys came on the show to take me down and make me look like a villain."

"My parents won't even look at the show with us, it's like we're the devils cause we're on the show, but who told them that?"

"I will go to war to anybody that's gonna try to besmudge his name. Anybody."

"If I fall apart, then the rest of my family is gonna fall apart."

"You have decided to take everything that I've done for you and your family and just sweep it under the rug and discount it, that I become garbage because I told you my truth!"

"This is the third season now, that I feel like I got their game. When one starts the other one jumps on, then the other one jumps on."

"I don't consider you an enemy, I consider you somebody I used to know."

"I can't see with this mindset how I can move forward without losing my freaking mind. And guess what? I'm 52, as Teresa likes to point out, I'm old, I don't have many good years left. I gotta preserve 'em, so I'm stepping out."