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An Open Book

Teresa explains why she can't discuss certain parts of her life.

By Teresa Giudice

Hi Baby Dolls!

Well this was an explosive Sunday night, huh? You got to see me in the middle of confrontations on two different channels at once! Yes, I did get "fired" this week on Celebrity Apprentice, but don't worry, I'm not really gone! I'll be on next week's episode helping the final candidates with their final challenge, and then again at the live finale on May 20. Then next week I'll be doing a lot of press for my new book Fabulicious: Fast & Fit!-- which comes out May 15 -- going on a national book tour, and of course RHONJ will continue to heat up your screen all summer.

It's weird for me to watch both shows each week, because even though they're both on right now, they were filmed at totally different times. RHONJ was filmed a year ago, Celebrity Apprentice was filmed after this season of Housewives was over and just a few months ago. If you want to know how I'm doing and what my life is like now, Celebrity Apprentice is a much better picture. I've been so honored to work with Mr. Trump and the other amazing celebrities raising money for NephCure. The experience changed my life and really helped me realize what's most important -- the health of my family and working on positive things to help people.

So this episode... first let me say, I never ever thought I'd be part of a show that turned into this crazy high school, he-said-she-said drama. When I signed up, it was just supposed to be a fun show with my friends. People didn't go on TV to fight, but to just give you a peek into their lives. I thought the Housewives shows were amazing because at the time TV was only showing young people, but Housewives showed that women over 30 and 40 could still be sexy and interesting, go after their dreams, build businesses, etc.Sadly, it's turned into something else. None of us went on the first seasons of Housewives thinking we could turn it into anything. We were just happy to share our lives and our struggles (remember when Bethenny wasn't a billionaire and couldn't pay her bills?). Now people beg to get on so they can cash in. And they do it without caring who they hurt, even family. They do things on purpose just to stir up drama. I am very thankful for the great things that came out of being a Housewife, but of course, I'd trade it all because sometimes the negatives -- like friendships falling apart and families broken up -- aren't worth it. But it is what it is, and I have to make the best of it and try and take the high road. And I will keep trying!

I don't like watching myself from a year ago on Housewives, because I did let some of the drama get to me. It's hard not to when it seems like everyone around you is doing their best to pick on you, bait you, and try and make you look bad. That's not what I'm about. You know me -- I react but I don't set out to act out. I don't plot or try and pretend I'm something I'm not. My family and friends know it too, and they seem to be having a great time trying to get me to "react." Of course, I'm not perfect, and sometimes they do find just the right thing to get me upset, but I am proud of the fact that I walk away, and I don't do the same back to them.

To answer all of your questions, I don't think I'm being ganged up on or bullied. I just think the other cast members know that blowing little things in my life out of proportion and constantly talking about me all day takes the focus off things they don't like in their own lives. That's fine. I can take it!

You all know my life is a pretty open book -- way more open than I ever thought it would be -- but it's open. I've said since Season 1: "There are no skeletons in my freakin' closet. Thank you, thank you very much." That doesn't mean I'm perfect. That doesn't mean my life is all wine and roses. But especially after being on the show, every single bad thing that could be written about me and my husband (true or false) has been written. It hasn't been fun, but we've survived it.The tabloids and "sources" have tried their hardest to dig up dirt on us, but there really isn't any. We had a very public financial hard time, like a lot of people in this economy. There's been a million stories accusing Joe of cheating on me or me leaving him, but there's never been any truth to it or we still wouldn't be together and have such a strong marriage.

The one thing I can't always be open about though is open legal cases. Not because I'm trying to hide anything, but because that's what your lawyers tell you -- don't talk about open legal cases, because it could be twisted against you. It's common sense. What's crazy to me though, is that my family and friends know this because of their own legal issues, yet keep bringing up mine anyway, even though I ask them not to privately and on camera. Every single person on the cast has had ugly legal issues and accusations against them. But even if they are completely untrue, you have to spend tons of money on lawyers to defend yourself. To have your friends and family talk about them on national TV can hurt your case, especially since they don't know the details. I would never sit around on camera and make casual guesses as to whose husband really did what to "allegedly" break the law or "supposedly" steal money from someone or "maybe" have defrauded this or that... It's not just morally wrong, it could hurt their case. Why would you do that to someone you care about? Especially when you're in the same boat yourself? It makes no sense to me. And yes, that's why I walk away when people keep bringing it up over and over to me.

So all of the drama for the last couple of episodes now has been over a private conversation I had with my brother off camera -- a conversation like a million others we've had with each other our whole lives. I care about Joey and try and look out for him, and he does the same for me. This one tiny little conversation though happened MONTHS before we started filming. I only wanted Joey to hear me -- not his wife, not my friends, not all of America. If I ever thought for one second that he would tell everyone we knew and bring it up on national TV out of the blue, months later, believe me, I never would have said it. If I was out to hurt him or his marriage, I wouldn't have talked to him, and only him, in private.The argument between me and Melissa at the solstice party... yes it was ugly. That's usually what arguments are -- ugly. Especially between sister-in-laws who both love a husband and brother and want the best for him. But in our defense, no one got physical or even crossed a verbal line. For reality TV, it was actually pretty tame: no wig yanking or weave pulling or even profanity. I think the only real name-calling was Melissa saying I was a "coward" (which is kind of funny if you know me). I never wanted this conversation with my brother to be public, and tried to keep shutting it down, and even though Melissa wanted it to be public, and I was heated, I kept the details of the ugly rumors private. Why would I want any of that out there about anyone I love? Why would she? I have too much respect for Melissa and my brother to go there. Like I said last week, I am choosing to believe they aren't true, and I really want my brother's marriage to last.

The Battle Rages On

So what do Caroline and Jacqueline have to do with my private conversation with my brother? The answer should be nothing. It's sad that Melissa put them in the middle by bringing up a months-old conversation. How is that helping anyone?But hearing it, I would think they would be the perfect people to help sister-in-laws get through issues since they had some serious ones of their own that they worked through. I mean if you can punch your sister-in-law in the face and still be friends, you must have a secret or two for reconciliation, right? (In comparison, I don't think Melissa and I are all that bad...) How does it help us for Caroline to tell Melissa -- who she's only known for a few months at this point -- that I'm trying to break up her marriage? Which isn't true at all and is just Caroline's opinion.

Of all people, I don't understand why Caroline's so quick to judge because she's been through this. She has years of issues with many of her own siblings, and if you saw the Season 3 reunion, you know how sensitive she is to anyone even hinting about it. So then why is there a double standard with mine? We filmed the Season 3 reunion AFTER we filmed Season 4. So she cries at the reunion at the mention of her sibling problems, but for months she's been getting in the middle of mine and trying to make them worse? It makes me sad.

Caroline calling me a bully, that just makes me laugh.

It's hard to watch Jacqueline, who I was very close with, and Caroline judge me week after week. I honestly had no idea, because at that time, they acted like friends to my face. Caroline was colder than usual, but I did think that was the menopause! In my interviews, I don't bring up their issues, and I don't give my opinion on how badly I think they handle things, what I think must be in their heart, what type of person they are... It's not for me to judge.No matter what I see play out this season though I'm going to keep my heart open and remain positive. We all say things we don't really mean, that we regret, especially when we hear it hurts someone we love. For instance, in this episode, my brother Joey said my husband "brainwashed" me...and a hundred other things. But we're in a unique situation where things we say are recorded and played back months later. If I took it all personally, I'd go insane. Instead, I'm just going to keep loving my family and friends (although from a distance for right now) and hope that one day, we can all get past this and be together again.

How to Watch

Watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey on Peacock and the Bravo app.  

Thank you all so much for your amazing support! Please follow me on Twitter @Teresa_Giudice and Facebook -- I try and answer as many of you as I can! And I love, love, love reading about your beautiful lives! And check my website for my latest family photos and appearance schedule. If I'm coming to your town on my Fabulicious Fast & Fit book tour, I really want to meet you!

Tanti Baci,
Teresa xx

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