We open with the aftermath of the canoe ride from hell (which you can watch again HERE). Kristen had heard that Ramona was "white trash," and looking at her busted lip, she believes it.
Ramona says she just reacted -- and believes that Kristen was looking for her to do just that. Sonja thinks you shouldn't go in there and "poke Ramona. You don't want to see those claws." (Note: Ramona is sporting the curler Carole spoke of to Kristen. Let it be known that the lady is serious about her hair.)
Sonja can empathize with Ramona. She knows things about her past, and they've both "seen things," but she won't allow Ramona to say she's her father. "Don't you go there Singer!" She thinks Ramona has come so far. Ramona hasn't thrown a glass in 30 years! Plus Sonja split her lip on a shotgun once, which is her way of saying things happen.
Heather hopes "a little ice on the lip, a little wine in the belly" will smooth things over. . . but it doesn't appear to go so well. When Ramona comes out to "sort of, I guess" apologize to Kristen, possibly because Kristen says her hair "looks like sh--," possibly because Ramona doesn't think Kristen should get her wet. . . .So dinner anyone? Watch it all go down again HERE.
How about a nice bottle of Ramona Pinot Grigio to smooth things over Kristen? Nope, Kristen refuses to cheers Ramona just yet, she's not ready to move on.
There's a blood blister under Kristen's lip and there's no amount of Ramona could heal it -- but it's worth trying right?
But hark, what's that in the distance. . . .
It's not a motorcycle, but it is something that's very rock 'n' roll -- and something that might lift Kristen's spirits.
It's the King. Elvis is in the building Berkshires. Yes, Dino Bravo ("The King of Rock 'n' Roll") has come to surprise the RHONY. But Ramona's not buying it -- "When this overweight Elvis look-alike arrived, and Kristen went like goo-goo eyed, like I thought she was going to jump him and do him right then and there. I couldn't believe it. Is this the best Berkshires has to offer."
But Kristen's Elvis obsession knows no bounds, and this Elvis impersonator was just the right thing to help her forget her troubles.
While Sonja is busy donning diamonds for breakfast, Ramona is busying planning an escape route. A quick call to her friend Adam later and she's planning to flee the Berkshires and the tension with the ladies by nightfall.
Carole drops in to see Ramona and finds her "organizing her clothes." Carole's no detective, but it seems very clear that she's packing up, not just sorting out Sonja's shoes.
Ramona feels like she's "stepping on pins and needles." She's got to get out of there!
Questionable fashion choices aside, the ladies head into the woods. Carole's suspicious that Ramona seems so thrilled for the hike, but perhaps she's just itching to get some fresh air (and some space between herself and the other ladies).
Tree hugging, RHONY style. . .We think they might be doing it wrong.
Being in the environment triggers Ramona's memories of her parents arguing, and it's all a little too much for her. Ramona is freaking (and it's not because she saw a bear Carole). The scene is eerily reminiscent of Ramona's backyard -- which Ramona believes was big so her father could mistreat her family in isolation. At that point, hopes of a tear-free hike were pretty much dashed. Watch Ramona go through her woodsy Ramotional breakdown HERE.
And with all those emotions swirling, Ramona decides to leave. . .so can Carole drive her to the airport? Kristen's not buying that this is all about emotional baggage though, or that it's an excuse for Ramona to take it out on her.
Sonja doesn't think Kristen can feel it. She's never seen a face in a toilet bowl. The word "provoking" gets thrown around a lot -- and improperly (as LuAnn pointed out, it's not an adverb).
And so Ramona "sails away" into the distance. She's like a caged bird that has been set free -- even if her ride to freedom isn't air conditioned.
Bon voyage Ramona!
Do planes sail? Who cares, the metaphor seems appropriate, and they can discuss the proper syntax at dinner, where Ramona will surely be the main topic.
With Ramona gone (without saying goodbye to Sonja) the ladies head out on a relaxing boat trip -- captained by a handsome 20-year-old no less.
The boat ride was a success, at least according to Sonja: "The alcohol was flowing, the boat was rocking, Lu was having fun, Heather was distracted, and the boy was cute. OK, he was a little too young, but I kept my paws to myself."
Kristen is ecstatic that Ramona's gone, but she's still a topic of discussion. Carole sits her down to tell her a bit about what Ramona said about her.
According to Ramona, Kristen isn't trying hard enough to get to know the Lady Singer -- and so Ramona thinks she's just another pretty face. Kristen's feelings on the matter, "she just can't think of anything else to say."
At dinner, the topic of sexuality comes up. LuAnn is a "true sexual." But Carole is just a "bull sh-- sexual" because she refused to have a lesbian experience with Sonja Morgan. Carole says she only refused because it would mean sleeping with Harry by proxy -- and enough RHONY women have done that.
Suddenly a text comes through -- Ramona's in the Hamptons and out at a party with Molly Simms. LuAnn is not surprised -- she thinks Ramona is using her past to get out of the trip.
But Sonja doesn't feel like she's getting manipulated -- even as the evidence stacks up. Once a photo of Ramona out on the town appears, the ladies are prepared for a full-scale intervention.
And finally Sonja cracks. The ladies decide to have an intervention. Ramona's "goose will be cooked" when the ladies sit her down to discuss her "master manipulations." That can only go well. . .