The Real Housewives of New York City have been gone from us for 16 long, lonely months. And so now that we've finally gotten a glimpse of what they've been up to since we were watching, we had to dissect every single magic moment, potent quotable, and quaffed pinot for clues. Here we see our first indicator that Sonja's up to her old tricks. But what does this mean? Is Miss Morgan manless? Or is she simply always prepared for a good time.

Here it seems the 'Wives have learned an important lesson. If you are in a parade, wearing outlandish garb, and observed in your campy comeliness from only a distance -- people might mistake you for a drag queen. But really, is that so bad?

It appears we'll see a major first in Housewives history, a dog funeral, as Sonja heart-breakingly says goodbye to her longtime pooch Millou. In fact, she has such a hard time saying goodbye that the blowback from the wind brings him right back to her. . .

Ramona Singer crying is nothing new to #RHONY fans, and this year she finally explains why her tear ducts are always at the ready: "It's good to cry."

George is back, and as off-color as ever! It appears that New York's resident grandfather/playboy looks to shock us this year not with his conquests of Housewives, but with his vehement dislike of them -- tossing off the line "Ramona is a bitch. You know what happens to bitches? They get f---ed by dogs."

New girl Kristen Taekman is on the scene and ready to give the sort of reaction shots worthy of lines like George's retort to Ramona. Also, Holla Heather!

Here's a theory: after this little peep show Heather Thomson gently gifts Sonja some full-coverage Yummie Tummie lingerie?

Here's a question we can't stop asking ourselves after watching the supertease multiple times -- what happened to Sonja Morgan's tooth? And how long has she been sporting false chompers?

Why are Frick and Frack (Sonja and Ramona) fly fishing? Is this for a remake of 'A River Runs Through It'? Also, did they catch anything?

It appears this season Ramona takes drink throwing to a whole new level -- chucking not just the contents of a wine glass, but an entire wine glass at new Housewife Kristen Taekman. What in the world could have turned Turtle Time so terrible?

Sonja Morgan is a woman of many talents -- toaster oven cuisine, burlesque performance, party attendance -- but it seems that throwing a tomahawk is not something that will be added to her illustrious list of skills in the near future.

New girl Kristen Taekman appears to have incited the wrath of Lady Morgan. But she doesn't appear frightened of the straw that stirs the drink. Will this season see some storms in the ladies martinis?

Heather's no stranger to confrontation but this might be the most riled up we've seen our resident shapewear queen yet, nearly quoting Kanye to Aviva (she says "don't tell me anything mother f---er," but don't you wish she had simply said "can't tell me nothin'). But the question for the ages is,

The ladies have firmly turned on our resident leggy blonde, with accusations of her not having a soul and being a psychopath flying out at a rapid pace. What could Aviva have done to warrant such labels? Can she convince the ladies that she's not persona non-grata?

What could have shocked the Countess so? Bad manners? Inappropriate dropping of names? Someone trying to buy class with money?

You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words. This is the picture they are talking about.

Welcome back #RHONY! We'll have to wait until March to see what exact events lead to Aviva's leg being discarded upon this maroon carpet. Was it foul play? An accident? An incident? The mind reels.