Ask Gloria: Volume II

We at Bravotv.com were just as taken with Jill Zarin's mother, Gloria, on The Real Housewives of New York City as you were. We asked you to submit your questions, and you did! See how Gloria responded:

Hey!
Just love you and the show!
I have two grandchildren. My  daughter and there father have been divorced since the children were two and  four. My daughters husband has adopted the children. He is so strict on them.  His sixteen year old daughter is here for a month, and he bends the rules for  her and not as strict, and babies her. It makes me furious! It just does not  seem fair to me. Any advice? My grandchildren are six and eight.
All the  best!

Susan

Susan,  I know you must be feeling frustrated at the unfair situation, but the reality is you do not have the power to do anything about it. Your daughter is the only one that must manage the situation. She is feeling grateful that he is helping to take care of  her children, and is careful not to make him  angry and upset. If you see the children often, you can provide lots of love and attention that they need. You can discuss the matter r daughter but be very tactful when you do.  Good luck.

GloriaGloria after being married for 35  years I realize that we are both unhappy over the fact our children are grown and leaving little for us to be involved with. My husband has decided that he needs to work even more than he did when we were younger, and has announced he cannot ever retire. My work life was interupted by an unexpected problem with my ankle, so I am not contributing financially, but I never did that much while raising the kids anyway. What kind of advice could you give about how to  get our marriage on track so that we can enjoy our lives in old age? Why do people get so unhappy with one another?

ISThisIt?

Hi, The truth is that you have been out of touch with one another for a long time, but the relationship did not who the strain until the kids left and you were alone. Depending on how you feel, maybe it is time to go on a much needed vacation — a cruise, or plane to some destination that you have always wished to visit.  Get away from you environment for a few weeks or a month.  Try to talk to each other and find each other again. The only way your marriage can work is for both of you to care for each other again. Having the "empty nest syndrome" is very difficult for all of us. You can also find your own outlet. Take up bridge or do some volunteer work when you are able to.  You will get through this.  Take care.

Gloria

I have been married to this man for 28 years. I have 2 daughters, (neither one is his) 4 grandchildren and 2 great  grandchildren. One of my daughters and one of my granddaughters and both of my  great grandchildren live with my husband and me. They do not work. They are  messy and sloppy and just a pain in the neck. We are spending money on them we  dont have. My husband does nothing but complain day and night day and night. I  dont blame him in a way. I hear him the first time her really doesnt need to  keep it up day and night. That's all I ever hear from him anymore is him  complaining. I'm getting so depressed and down I just want everyone to leave.  Do you have any advice?

Diane

Hi, you have a right to live out your years in peace. There should be no earthly reason why all of these relatives are living with you. I think you need to sit down with your children, etc. and explain that both of you are no longer able to care of I them financially or physically.  They are adults and it is time for them to move on. You will be there for them emotionally, if they need you, but you cannot continue this way any longer. If that sounds selfish, so be it! I sincerely believe there comes a time when we must think of ourselves first. If we don't, nobody else will.  Hope everything works out for both of you.

GloriaGloria,
I  just recently moved to NYC from Florida and I know no one up here short of the  people I work with. (They are all Married men.) Outside of the people I work  with I have pretty much only met men who I am not the least bit interested in  dating. I have not always been the social butterfly and I would love to go out  and enjoy the "night life" of the city but I am afraid to do it alone. I tend  to attract weirdo's and I would just feel more comfortable having a gal pal or  two. Whats a single 26 y/o to do?

Alexis


Hi, Alexis. New York can be a very lonely place.  However, because it houses so many people, there are places that you can go to meet.  Take up a sport like golf, and go to the park and take some lessons.  Try bowling, or bridge or go to church or to your house of worship and speak to the priest, rabbi, etc. who might introduce you to some members. Try to rent a house with some other singles in the Hamptons. Go to a real estate agent and explain your circumstances.  She may be able to hook you up with some other gals in your situation.  Try the internet.  I know it is not the ideal, but you never know.  I do know that you cannot become disheartened.  You will find some friends.  Good luck.

Gloria
Gloria, I could use some advice. My youngest daughter and I  always had a great relationship until about a year ago. She started dating her  current boyfriend who is 32 and she is 21. He has never been married and has  no children. He tells her he would marry her today but has never preposed or  set up how he is going to provide for her. He has been a waiter for 15 years  (his only job) and doesnt have plans to get another job. He has no money saved  and has lots of bills. We are not people of money so I dont know how they are  gong to to make a life together. I told her he isnt the one for her, he has  nothing to offer her. This has brought a huge wedge between us. I told her I  would be disappointed in her if she marries him. She said if I dont except him  I will not be in her families life. This killed me and I dont know what to do.  Help

Hi, Thanks for writing. You are facing a very common and frustrating problem. The more you are negative, the more she feels anger.  Try not to let her know how you feel. When  she discusses her situation with you, listen, and say nothing.  She will say,"Mom say something" and you will reply, "Whatever you do, I am sure it will be the right thing".  She will get very upset, but she can't have an argument when you are playing the neutral game.  She will get the message eventually without confrontations, and she will realize that he is not for her in due time.  I know this will be very hard for you to do, but it is the only way to avoid conflict.  Good luck and persevere!

Gloria


I am now the oldest on this site. I am 63 and have been living with a man for 16 years. My husband was killed in a auto accident when I was 45. I have 2 married daughters and grandchildren. My daughters are my best friends.My Mother was my true best friend,but I lost her 9 months after my Father died. I always speak to her. Since she can not answer, I am asking you my question. Should I get married? I feel there is no reason to. We. have made it work for all these years. We are terrific together.

Our love has grown with each passing year. He would like to marry.

He is  67. It is not a necessity and he will understnad if I do not want to. I  changed my life when I met him. Moved from NYC and E. Hampton to  Denver,Co..because he is an avid skier. Should I change it again?

Ann

Hi, Where are your children located?  If you feel that by marrying him, it will make your relationship stronger or that for financial reasons it would be wise, then by all means get married. If not, go on as usual. Dear  Gloria~
I wrote to you previously  about a toxic friend. Your words were succint and too true. You had faith in  me and suggested I do the same. I took your advice. I have learned one cannot  engage in a dialogue with people who do not want to hear and to politely and  graciously stand my ground with a polite attitude, poise and genuine warmth.  Thank you so much for understanding.

Your advice  rings true, came through and has done a world of good for my self beliefs.  Many heartfelt thank you's. Be well and of good  cheer.

No Toxic Friends

Thank you so much for responding.  I wish you well.  GloriaDear  Gloria,
I love my mother but she calls me at least  3 times a day just to check in and see whats going on. I dont know how to ask  her to stop doing this without hurting her  feelings.

What should i do?

Sarabelle

Hi Sarabelle, Your mother needs to have a new direction in her life.  Perhaps she isn't as social as she should be.  Encourage her to take up cards, sports, exercise, clubs, etc.  You get the idea.She would not be calling you much if she started to get active and have a life of her own.  Discuss options for getting her interested in other activities.

GloriaI have a sticky problem. while i  love my sister dearly, she is about to announce her 4th wedding and introduce  the family to her new fiance.

am i a bad sister  for not being enthusiastic for her? i don't want to meet him or attend the  wedding. i'm so tired of meeting her many boyfriends. i'm exhausted and  embarrassed that i have an elizabeth taylor knockoff for a sister. she even  looks like liz taylor!

please share your  wisdom. love you and jill!

Viewer

Hi, First of all, having doubts about your sister's  romantic life is reasonable. What is not is her inability to sustain a real relationship and that should trouble you. She obviously needs professional  counseling  and I would recommend that you have a long talk with her without being angry. Try to make her understand that her behavior is destructive to no one but herself and that you are ready to help her in any way you can.  Be a supportive sister and a good friend.

Gloria