I'm Feeling the Heat!

I'm Feeling the Heat!

Simon talks Hamptons vacations, spa treatments, and gettin' sweaty!

So Episode 3 opens with Bethenny & LuAnn surfing with Ramona & Jill as moral support and Bethenny learns the new etiquette that she who invites, pays. Next the Count puts in an appearance to welcome home Rosie back after a month's long vacation in the Philippines, and she's taken straight to the cellar to the laundry. What a nice welcome! After she's done the laundry and stripped the aphids from the flowers in the garden the Countess excitedly and expectantly asks if Rosie brought them all presents. Thankfully she did!

Then it's off to Pierre's for lunch with LuAnn, Jill and Ramona and the conversation turns quickly to boarding school, as Victoria is soon off to one at the end of summer. While I understand and concur with Ramona's disdain for them, she was a little too blunt for my liking in attacking LuAnn for sending Victoria; whereas Jill was quite tactful. The school I attended in Australia had both day boys and boarders, who were over 20% of the total enrollment. While our boys were both enrolled at their birth for that school (in case Alex and I were to die and they were to go and live with my younger brother,) that would be the only circumstances that I could see them attending a boarding school. However, throughout my time living in the UK I knew many friends who attended boarding school and they were just as well adjusted as those that didn't (well roughly in the same proportions anyway).

Jill delicately changes the subject to a charity event she wanted to organize back in NYC and Ramona said she was organizing one but would try and go to Jill's. When Jill suggested that she'd ask Alex to help with some design items, Ramona decided that she couldn't be involved because she will have do nothing with us; "We're strange, she doesn't like me, we're very bizarre, I make her flesh crawl" and then in interview she says "we're not real" and "we're not down to earth" and are a "sham."

Now, she's totally entitled to her opinion, but Jill mentioned that she was asking Alex to help with a charity event not have us move in with Ramona. All I can say is if everybody adopted Ramona's outlook in life nothing would ever be accomplished, anywhere. Sometimes for the greater good you've just got to suck it up and put the prima donna act away – you'll just have to wait as this storyline develops and see if she does!

Moving on to Boot Camp Jill gets a work out and while she might have been shown up by Bethenny & LuAnn she takes it all in her usual good stride.

Back to our July 4th rental Gina puts us in the sauna, I pour on the water and Alex and I enjoyed some time getting sweaty in a nice, hot, steamy room. After I came out of the sauna I prepared for my body wrap, which involved being mummified with towels that have been boiled within an inch of their lives in herb infused water. As you hear my voice-over describing the treatment, in when of the worst sound splices in TV history, I again am heard saying, "doesn't make me gay, for God's sake". If they keep reusing that sound bite, I am definitely going to get a reputation as one who doth protest too much! LOL!

"I am feeling the heat, I am feeling the heat" as I lie down on these 212 degree towels. Ouch! Whiled I'm being poached in my herbal-infused terry-toweling, Alex gets a foot massage before having her tarot cards read and I'm glad to say that some seven months later, we haven't inherited any property!

Next it's Kelly Time! As she prepares to rides and falls in the Hampton Classic, LuAnn conducts an etiquette lesson for Victoria's friends. Etiquette should also be about making people feel relaxed and confident and so laughing at their questions when asked about how much meat to cut at once probably isn't the best. After that little hiccup all is going swimmingly until the very end of the scene when after explaining among other things that one never chews with one's mouth open LuAnn is caught complaining about food on her dress when her mouth is also full of it.

Alas, our 4 day break (stretched to three weeks in TV time) in the Hamptons comes to a close and you see us heading back to the city after the boys have helped with the packing. We obviously have no control over what makes it to air, but wish that some of the many scenes we had filmed with the boys had done so. That weekend we took them to a carnival with 4th July fireworks and what was funny about that night is that people kept coming up to us to let us know there was a camera crew following us or better still, the guy who came over and engaged Alex & I in conversation, while the boys were on a ride, to talk about the show not realizing that there were cameras on us at the time! We also spent many hours in the pool playing with them both, many of which were filmed, but do realize that just normal everyday family time does not make for good television.

Next the girls, Bethenny, Jill & Brad get made over for the Hamptons Tea Dance where they meet up with LuAnn and proceed to give us all an abject lesson on how to dance...or not.

Back at the Hampton Classic Kelly's doing her second attempt and Ramona seems to have learnt her lesson from last season that it's not the Derby and it's OK to dress down a smidgeon, but perhaps not as far as she did. There follows some of the most uncomfortable moments ever on the show as Ramona learns it's hard to make a new BFF.

Art for Life at Russell Simmons' house is next and the discussion returns to last season's tennis match and this year's rematch and markers are firmly laid as to who Jill's partner will be. Mario & Ramona want to (in Ramona's words) to 'set up' Jill and choose her partner for her. I wonder who's going to win that battle!

Lastly we are back at the Hamptons Classic as Victoria's riding and the Count is nowhere to be seen. Eventually Victoria's time comes and still no Alex and after the horse refuses twice Alex finally called LuAnn – Her final words don't bear repeating but let's just say that in proper royal jargon she was not amused!

Until next time!

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