Motherhood

Upon first meeting Sonja I thought she was bubbly and engaging. There was so much going on around us that we didn't really get to connect, but my first impression was definitely a positive one. She doesn't strike me as someone with an agenda. She simply wants to have fun.

My letter to Bobby was to communicate to him that I was thinking of him and sorry for any pain, fear or suffering he was enduring. I let him know that I had no idea that his condition was more than a procedure. I also let him know that I sent flowers rather than call after his procedure because I found it inappropriate and awkward to call Jill's husband when she and I weren't speaking whatsoever and she had told me "We're done."

I thought Alex's fashion show was very professional and very well-produced. I thought the girls looked terrific, and Alex, in particular, walked that runway like a pro.

It was a really quick flash of all the girls modeling, but I thought they did a great job. Kelly and Alex have experience modeling, so this was a cake walk for them. Poor Ramona was a wreck and looked as if she were going to the electric chair. However, Ramona looked beautiful and the dress was terrific on her. Who the hell cares? Did they have fun? Isn't that all that matters? None of us are saving lives here, and thank God for Ramona's face in that scene because it made it hilarious.

As I said on camera, "Holy shitballs!" was the first thing that came to mind when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't really believe it was true, but simultaneously I knew that it was. I didn't understand it. I didn't know what to do next. I just froze. I didn't want to eat or drink anything. It was all surreal. It was like a quiet, yet excited panic.

I've intellectually always wanted to have children. What I mean is that it was something I knew I wanted to experience. However, I never really felt that maternal urge. My age and the clock were more the driving forces. I'm not really the warm and cuddly goo goo eye type, so I didn't know where I fit into motherhood. That has changed now because I have completely embraced my pregnancy and marriage and the meaning of it all. This really is such a beautiful, vibrant time and I love it. I can't wait to meet my baby.

When I finally got a hold of Jason to tell him the news, he was thrilled, but also quietly in shock. We were the two most single people you can imagine. We've both doubted whether this could happen, we've dated so many people and we really have no experience with any of this whatsoever. I think we wanted to act towards the other person like we were thrilled, but we were processing. Jason was the one rushing to try to get pregnant. I wanted to wait until well after my skinnygirl Dish book and skinnygirl margarita tour. Jason wanted to get right on it. We never thought it would happen instantly.

I think it's a girl if I had to guess. However, neither one of us really has a clue. Waiting to find out was Jason's idea. Now I'm so excited for the surprise. Jason wants a boy particularly because he thinks having a boy will make me want a second. We'll have to see about that. That's a big TBD.

We have about six names picked out. We will decide once and for all when we meet the bayboo (as jason calls the baby).