Trying to Hold It Together

Trying to Hold It Together

Bethenny talks about trying to keep her emotions in check during her pregnancy and her father's illness.


I'm not really the big announcement kind of person, so I was somewhat reluctant to share my news with the other Housewives. I could never imagine that my announcement would be so anticlimactic and cause me so much upset. Jason and I probably should have stayed home that night.

Alex has been very open and kind and compassionate, so I didn't want to clump her in and give her my news in a group. I wanted to calmly tell her in a more intimate setting. Maybe I instinctively wanted someone to be sweet and to be "normal" about it. I just felt comfortable telling her, and I was going through so much internally between my pregnancy and my father's illness. As you can see, I was a bit dry and less than ecstatic when I told her. I was just trying to hold it together and not break down screaming or crying. I was so hormonal and emotional.

It was definitely awkward seeing Jill at the Gotham party. My intention was simply to be nice and try to be casual. I never imagined that she would bolt the minute she saw me. It definitely took the wind out of my sails. She could have just been normal and polite. Instead she chose to make a grand exit.

I didn't really think about how Jill would react to my news. However, I never imagined she would be so dramatic. Silly me. I did find it incredibly hilarious that LuAnn would choose this opportunity to ask me about the "snake" comment. That was really for another day. I apologized simply to diffuse the situation and make it go away. I didn't want anything to ruin my special news.


I really couldn't wait to get out of that club. I was so excited at the beginning of the evening, and I simply felt awful by the end. I felt like something so special had been ruined and I truly felt sorry for myself. Poor Jason couldn't even imagine why I would subject myself to any of it, and I was embarrassed. I think he was really questioning some of the people that I surround myself with and thinking about whether we would want them in our lives together. I can't say I blamed him. That night couldn't end quickly enough.

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