Liar, Liar

Let's start with the good stuff. Sonja and her feng shui, and the plumber really touched me. That's the Sonja we know and love, and I hope she gets everything she wants from her new beginning. Ramona threw an amazing party, and we all had a great time -- both at the walk-through and that night.

Moving on. . .clearly I have a handicap when fighting, because it doesn't occur to me to lie. I always assume that liars get caught, so I don't do it.

Jill and Kelly both tweet a lot. Jill tends to chase celebrities and try to meet them. She also tweets and posts on Facebook snarky things about people she doesn't like -- myself, Ramona, and Simon just to name a few. Kelly has gotten better with tweeting since she started, I’ll give her that, but back when this all was filmed she constantly tweeted nonsensical stuff that seemed to be written in code.

Simon's interactions on Twitter have nothing to do with his social media business. The only business Simon does while tweeting is show business; i.e. increase interest in Bravo and the Housewives, which all cast members do. I don't know why Kelly thinks Simon tweets all day; she tweets a lot more than he does. We all joined Twitter around the same time and she has sent 2,000 more tweets than Simon. For that matter, Andy tweets as much as Simon does, and no one accuses him of tweeting more than he works! Simon's business is teaching hotel and hospitality companies how best to use social media sites to drive their business, and that doesn't involve him tweeting personally.

When Jill tweets snark, and Kelly tweets gibberish, or other people respond to their tweets and also tag Simon, sometimes Simon responds. He might retort, or make a joke while trying to decipher some tweet-in-code that Kelly wrote. Sometimes, he also corrects or sticks up for them if what the person tweeted was horrible. Anyone who follows those three online can see that -- go and have a look.

Jill and Kelly are both so narcissistic that they think any challenging response to them is "mean." They single Simon out amongst the thousands who tag them because they know him. The real problem for Jill and Kelly is the other people on Twitter who challenge them on their BS or nonsense daily. And, there are people out there who DO send them really awful tweets -- probably the same people who tweet nasty-grams at all the rest of us. Simon actually helped Kelly's web team change her Twitter handle when she ran into trouble and nearly lost all her followers, and Simon got nothing but a slap in the face for it, plus tons of fans wondering why he'd bother to help her. Apparently being a nice guy isn't cool.

Anyway, somehow in Jill and Kelly's mind this adds up to Simon cyber-bullying them, or organizing gangs of people to cyber-bully them. If you think that's true, go look for it online. Nope, you won't find it because it isn't there. I am so sick of these girls crying wolf, when the only wolf-ish behavior out there is from them. I am equally sick of the word "bully" being used, because that makes a mockery of kids and young adults who actually suffer at the hands of bullies.

Jill is so thin-skinned that if someone she doesn't like tweets "Where are you from?" she views it as an attack. Grow up; we're not in 5th grade. It's like tweeting at a person with dark hair saying "I don't like dark hair," and that person feeling harassed. It's just not a legitimate claim for anyone, let alone someone on reality TV.

Next, I am truly amazed that LuAnn actually thinks that I equate her with any sort of New York society. Why would Kelly, LuAnn, or Jill think Simon or I want their attention? Sure, I enjoy sparring with them when we are together -- that's entertaining to you and me both. Do I think any of them are socially relevant? Nope; I know they are not.

Jill and Simon needed to talk. When Jill and I burnt the past, that did not mean that Simon automatically forgave her, or that he automatically forgave her for all her digs at me, our kids, and him. He was involved. Guess what, if I had ever attacked Bobby, Jill would probably insist I write a notarized apology in blood and send it to the New York Post. Why does she think that building a bonfire with me automatically fixes her first friendship, which was with Simon? That's not how the world works, and I call BS on that one. Or just plain old cowardice.

Moving on to the next bratty brunette, Kelly and I went to lunch. I planned to ask her why her behavior kept getting weirder and weirder. I had no idea why she was concerned about me. Concerned for her sanity, yes, especially after casinos and Santa tattoos and open-your-eyes-no-close-your-eyes. Kelly mistakenly thought I was worried about something other than her own bizarro behavior. I'm not sure where she I thought I might be "iced out" of -- Kellyland? If that's the case, let's make iced tea. Long Island, please.

Ever since St. John, those of us who saw the "breakthrough" have handled Kelly with the ultimate in kid gloves. Every time I have ever called her out on the nonsense she spews, she get flustered, starts rail-roading over everyone else's conversation and her head practically starts spinning around. As a result, whenever I talk to Kelly, I speak very slowly and just let her babble. None of it makes sense, so what's the point?

'Til next week, you can follow me on Twitter to make sure I'm not harassing any brunettes. Check out our fashion blog here, and add us on Facebook if you want to join the conversation. We were thrilled to raise a champagne toast to the gals at the Pride Rapture on the River dance Saturday night, and the DJ played Simon's Thug in a Club Mix of "I Am Real". . .sweet! If you haven't seen them already, Simon and I are writing a he said/she said op-ed blog for Metro and this week we discuss an, um, rather enlightening cab ride.