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OK, I lost my s--t on tonight's episode.
Inside I was wounded, hurt, angry, and vulnerable. I felt bad enough that Reid had to come at all and I was so embarrassed that my "friends" were hashing out a plan to kick him out of the house when he was just trying to do a nice thing and get me down there to be with them. I felt like I had to be protective of him when we were being mistreated and I went overboard. Anxiety is a weakness, which I am not proud of, and I am working on it. I am not totally there yet but all I can do is keep trying to improve.
Before I left NYC, I found out that a family member could watch our four children and Reid was able to get away for the weekend. So I called Ramona. Her giddy response was "Oh good, oh good! I will do something funny when you arrive! I will give Reid coupons to come to dinner a few times with the girls." Reid took the phone and told Ramona he didn't want the coupons because he wasn't there to be with the girls, he was just getting me to the island. So basically I called Ramona to see if Reid's presence in the house was OK with her and she gave me her unconditional blessing.
We thought about staying at a hotel but Carole, our hostess, insisted Reid stay with me in my room. Since I knew, and now Ramona knew, that Reid was going to be away from the house except for sleeping, it seemed like a practical solution. In retrospect had I known that Reid taking a bed, which had its own private entrance, would have caused so much drama he would have been happy to stay in a hotel. . .
But even if he stayed in a hotel I just have this funny feeling that we still would have gotten berated. Regardless, it just didn't feel right at last minute having him stay in a hotel alone.
So what happened between the time that I spoke to Ramona on the phone where she gave me her full support for Reid to come down and the time that she and Sonja badmouthed us? If they had a problem with it why didn't anyone call me and either ask us not to come or ask Reid to book a room in a hotel? Why sit, talk behind my back, and plan to set us up? Had they called, I would have not come! Or I would have gotten a hotel room. Cell phones work perfectly well in St. Barths.
When I arrived at the house and Ramona and Sonja were in the pool, I sensed a cold unwelcoming vibe from them. Conversely, LuAnn, Heather, and Carole could not have been nicer or warmer. They made me feel happy that I had pushed through what was a difficult trip for me (btw: that plane takes a nose dive at the end!). They made it worth it.
Once I realized that Ramona and Sonja were planning to ask Reid to leave the house, thanks to LuAnn being forthright, I could no longer see straight. I was irate. Reid is my husband and the father of my four children and he had just flown me to St. Barths for a silly "girls' trip." And my "friends" were planning on asking him to leave? Unacceptable. Imagine the shoe on the other foot and me asking any of their family members to leave the house under any circumstances? It is my constitution to welcome people in any home no matter what.
I was so angry that I couldn't even get my words out properly. I didn't need a "party" nor a "red carpet." I just wanted someone to appreciate that I came down in spite of all my fears to be with them and my husband was just going above and beyond. A high five would have sufficed. Again, I did get that from Carole, Heather, and LuAnn. It was because of them that I stayed at all.
I regret that I called Ramona and Sonja "white trash." Name calling is wrong and I should have used different words to convey my point. Here I am raising four children and one of the biggest rules in our home is no name calling. It just slipped out of my mouth in a moment of anger. I suppose now I have to give my children one free pass.
I would have formally apologized in St. Barths but I was just too upset -- hence the silly reference to Rush Limbaugh's idiotic fake apology. I suppose apologizing in Ramona's ear as she gave me her own phony apology was probably just not good enough. For my part, I expected more from my "friends" Ramona and Sonja. Without trying to absolve myself of all of my sins, I hope everyone can appreciate that this was the perfect storm of bad circumstances for me.