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Kristen: "The Actual Real Housewife"

Bravo's newest #Housewife dishes on #mommyreality, being an Elvis #superfan, and joining the wild world of #RHONY.

Hi! OK first off this is my first blog post ever -- so cut me some slack!

Anyhoo, here we go. Be nice! I am the new girl, the actual Real Housewife. I am not a princess or a Countess, or a rich divorcee, or a fashion designer, a writer, or an entrepreneur. I am actually just me; sweet, little Kristen from Connecticut, the lucky girl that fell into modeling and met Prince Charming and is now living happily ever after in Tribeca -- until I met all these crazy ladies. . .

The tagline. . .OK people. I am a funny girl, at least I like to think so. I don’t like to take myself too seriously. LIFE IS TOO SHORT! It's a joke between Josh and I. I will do something dumb, usually related to spelling, and I will say I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, etc. Let's not take this so seriously. IT'S FUNNY. I am not the sharpest tool in the shed -- but I am not the dullest either.

A bit about me: I have two kids and a hubby, and have been married for almost 10 years. Besides scooping ice cream in high school, I've only ever modeled. I still model and did through both pregnancies. I am obsessed with Elvis (will tell you more later, he pops up a bunch this Season). I am from Farmington, CT. My parents are still happily ever after. My younger bro lives in CT and has beautiful twin boys. (Karma's a bitch.) Key West is my home away from home, always has been, always will be. Tweet me with more questions @kristentaekman. 

Carole's photo shoot: Listen I have been on a million photo shoots. I think that with Carole being nervous and admitting that she hates having her picture taken, it's great that Heather was giving direction. That's what Heather does for a living. She’s good at it. Holla that. #BOSS.


Sidenote: So funny. Carole told me about the photoshoot and how crazy the German photographer was. We were sitting at a cafe in SoHo and, hand-to-God, guess who walked in -- the German photographer. Talk about irony. She was a bit scary!

It's hard for me to relate to Ramona's sadness to Avery leaving for school. I seem to be sooooo far away from that. Hello, next on my list is potty training. I am at the point where if the kids were gone for a few days it would be heaven. Mommy could sleep. You know? I am sure this is an "I told you so" situation.

I am listening to all of this Avivia talk from all the woman while trying to stay neutral. I only just met her. She seemed really sweet and nice??? I was thinking what the hell happened in St. Barths? (I really didn’t remember. I watched Season 5 for Heather because she is a friend the same way I watch #RHOBH for Brandi -- but the last season was so long ago. . .I really did not remember most of it!) It's not one person who has issues with her -- most of the girls have something to say. I am taking it all in, but I really need to form my own opinions/relationship with her. People do change right?


I met her at the party and we talked for a few minutes. That's kind of it. She seems really nice and sweet. We have the kids in common. I am really at this point thinking we are going to be besties. I am going to change her and prove everyone wrong! (Wait 'til you see Episode 2 LOL!) I think its bizarre how Avivia hasn't seen Carole in ages and launches right into the book and asks for help. Did you all hear that? Rewind. Play it again -- Aviva asks Carole for HELP and ADVICE right, right? OK just saying. . .

Harry -- Both Josh and I have gotten to know Harry really well and we actually see him from time to time. Love him. He is so fun and witty, and after getting to know him a bit I can see the sex appeal. Before meeting him I remember thinking, "Who the hell is this guy that f---ed half of #RHONY? And what's he got going on?" I met him and thought, "This is HARRY?" I don’t get it. Maybe because it's I am much younger, don’t live uptown, or because I have Josh. But the point is, getting to know him, I get it. I see it. Go Harry! Wait, Harry who you say? Harry, you know Harry. Avivas ex/baby daddy and Sonja's lover/ boyfriend. . .and Lu’s well. . .you know how that goes.

It was awesome that Heather used me for her Yummie brand shoot. Her stuff is amazing!!! After I had Cash, she sent me a bunch of Mommy Helper tops and leggings. Amazing stuff. Her leggings are the only ones I will wear. They look great and keep your butt tight, no jiggle. Good stuff. Heather has hired me a few times before for Yummie. First time she booked me from my modeling card as Kristen Carroll not knowing I was Josh’s wife. How funny! The last time I worked with her I was six weeks pregnant with Kingsley, sick as a dog. I felt bad because later she said she couldn't use the photos. Then there was that time when she had me naked (well nearly naked) in Times Square -- ask her about it!

I like that it showed Josh and I tag-teaming. That's how it goes when you have young kids. Doesn't matter if you work or not or where you are in your life. That's the reality of it. It's hard, really damn hard, the hardest thing that I have ever done. I am sure you are nodding your head. "You do that while I do this." Or, "I have the kids while you are out." "You come home then I will go out." My Nanny Gem is amazing. We have had her for two years know. She lives with us Monday to Friday, goes home Friday, and then we have family time over the weekend. Before that I would have sitters come in when needed. I made the decision to have someone live with us because. . .well. . .it's NYC. My hubby travels and he works a ton -- and can't I just admit that I want to have a life, too? I bath and feed my kids and put them to bed and then I can grab a bite with a friend or go to a movie or get a manicure. If there was no Gem, I couldn't work. Last week Josh was out of town and I had a job with a call time of 7 am. The week before that, Josh and I were both working out of town. I think of Gem as more of an Auntie type figure. We work together. She’s like family. I like to talk about my sitter situation because I often watch these shows and wonder "Where are your kids? Who is watching them when you are out? Why do you not talk about your awesome sitter that is standing there right off-camera?" I really don’t have anything to hide. Well maybe a few things, but odds are those are the same things that you're hiding, too.

The realities of motherhood are just, well, so real. I love my kids but this f---ing sucks. You have good days and bad days. When they are good it's amazing and then bad just gets so bad. The good obviously outweighs the bad. I really just try and take it day-by-day. Let's be clear, I already stated that I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I have already factored in a tutor. (Don't worry). I do the best I can. When I hashtag #supermommy, I mean "Damn I just kicked butt and had the most amazing mommy day" -- i.e. taking two kids by myself to the American Museum of Natural History in the double stroller on the subway ALL the way uptown. And when I hash tag #mommyreality, I am generally mean that I just got puked on, or had to deal with the worst tantrum, or my kid got up at 4:30 am wide awake. Day by day. I do the best I can.

Date night: Josh and I for what ever reason just don't make enough time for each other. So date night falls by the way side. I know, I know, I am working on it. But I think that's normal isn't it? So I was excited about this night. I would like to say that it was raining sooo hard that night. My hair was curly when I left my house. Upon arrival, straight and frizzy. I don't have frizzy hair! Josh is notoriously late. It drives me insane. Twelve years together and I still hate it. It's a respect thing. Whenever he is super sweet to me, I am always waiting for that question -- "Do you think I could do this or go here?" Look we have a two-year-old and a five-year-old, we are still really in the trenches. I want to lay in bed and watch reruns of Sex and the City. Josh doesn't watch TV and likes to socialize and network for business, so he would rather be out working it and not laying next to me wide-eyed while I am sleeping. He always tells me "Money doesn’t sleep," and then I, of course, say "My money needs beauty sleep."


The Jennifer Miller earrings are amazing! Very, very sweet. We have many jokes and one is the blow job joke. You will hear it a lot. . .Sorry. After being together so long, when your husband gives you diamond earrings isn't that code that you have to give him a BJ? TMI, I know. Sorry. I am me -- take it or leave it Josh really is a wonderful and supportive husband. He works really hard to support us and is really hands on. He always wakes up with the kids during the week, takes Cash to school when I need him to, comes home when I need help, and holds the kids down on the weekends. He would even get up in the middle of the night when they kids were little. #Superdad. We will work on date nights. He will work on being on time. Noted.

Elvis. Elvis. Elvis. I love him always. Always will. When we walked into Heather's birthday party there was an Elvis picture you just didn't get to see -- but he was with me. Always and forever. It's good luck. I knew that meeting the girls would go great with that good luck charm hanging on the wall. Carole asked me if I liked the '70s Elvis, aka Fat Elvis. Lots of people ask me that. A fan is a fan. If you love Elvis you love him. You can’t pick and choose the years that you liked him! #Superfan. I wear a TCB necklace around my neck -- you can see it in some of the scenes. Elvis created his own logo "Taking Care of Business in a Flash." The flash is the lightening bolt. He gave gold necklaces to all of his Memphis Mafia (entourage). He also created a special necklace for the women -- "TLC in a flash" or "Tender Loving Care." This chain went to all the Memphis Mafia wives and to Priscilla. Elvis died in August 1977. I was born in April 1977. My 30th birthday was right around the 30th anniversary of his death. I naturally went to Vegas and had a big 30th birthday blowout/Elvis-themed weekend. My gift from Josh was my very own diamond TCB necklace that he had custom made. I was just over the blue moon on this gift. So amazing and thoughtful. So that's what I wear all the time, my own little chain around my neck, my own little piece of Elvis and his mafia and my #goodluckcharm.

The tea party at Sonja's: Let me start by saying I LOVE tea. That's all I drink, all day long. There was no tea at this party. My dress, love, love, love that dress! H&M!!! OK, so let's get right in and talk about that yoga chick? WE had on the same dress. She said to me, oh look we are wearing the same dress. I said back, "Bet yours isn't from H&M?" She meant well, but yoga just is not my cup of "tea" and neither is all that spiritual bulls--- talk. She hasn't ever even met Aviva. It's not her place to comment. Ugh, didn't you all just roll your eyes over and over as she spoke? That's why I said I am just going to sit here and drink! Before I met this group of women, I could count on one hand how many times I had been to the Upper East Side. NYC is really an uptown and downtown thing, and I am definitely downtown.

Sonja and Ramona have this crazy relationship. They bicker, fight, joke, tease -- and fight. It's exhausting and GOOD LUCK trying to get a word in. I just gave up and drank my rosé. Did anyone else notice that I was the youngest in the room by almost 20 years? It was a bit more Golden Girls than Sex and the City. But it's all good. Sonja is FAB. "Thank you for being a friend." (I felt like I ended up humming that tune quite a bit this past summer. "travel down the road and back again." I used to love that show.)

Lingerie shopping with Sonja: I have to say Sonja totally took me under her wing and was very sweet from the moment I met her -- showing me all her tricks.I really appreciated that. Don't ask me where this came from, but she decided that my boobs needed some help (as I did by eventually -- which is probably why I got them redone). I am open, and take it all with a grain of salt. So we met at her fave lingerie shop, and she got me into some new push-up, non-nude bras. Listen I was always taught to respect my older wiser elders, so I obliged and took her advice. Boob advice I can take from Sonja. Marriage advice? Hmmmmm? Last time I checked I was the one who was still married even with out the push-up bra. #justsaying

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